So...as i was pondering about one thing...the other jumped in to join my thoughts/idea...as usual....

Firstly....in my last blogpost yesterday...i asked if anyone could write me a Take One fic rite? of course no one would...i mean....duh...what was i thinking to ask....maybe i just like to blabber that to express how much i'm infatuated by the bromance...lol...they're not any mainstream otp...if i want it...of course i need to be the one to actually write it....but would i have any reader? maybe not....maybe a couple...but that's never the issue really....i don't care...for most of my fics...i started them knowing i would not have a reader...and i still happily started them for my own pleasure...even for otps n ships...n everything....i never am one who follow or jump in the trendy boats....but more like starting the trend(be in the pioneer group) or just ship my own ship without a care that nobody jumps in to join....when i shipped joongbo...there was hardly any shipper there save for a handful, when i got into hyukri, same...and kevkwang n so on, probly one of the latest being weather forecast oppars.....none of my ship were ever mainstream(maybe minjun was close to one but ppl never took it as seriously n more as a joke-couple...i used to kinda ship hyungjun with youngsaeng, just like i used to kinda ship dongwan n hyesung cuz it's fun to ship the rivaling main vocals bcuz they'd naturally have more tension n deep hidden rivalries...but of course in shinhwa i ship ricwan more...i think that wasn't my original ship-was it wanjin...idk...can't remember... though but who cares....they're more interesting than the typical ships of shinhwa i keep seeing here, at least methink so...haa) but more of my worries is...would i be able to even write them...i hardly watch the drama...of course i can make it as original as i want, taking some key points of the characters...i'm just hesitant n nervous knowing my own lack of responsibility n determination to finish what i start haa. i think if i am to write this...i have more confidence to write in first person pov...it feels more comfy n less fake when i'm not inspired enough to be a great writer....i like writing in first person cuz i don't feel like someone all mighty crafting words n dictating my characters' lives...but i'm them....feeling their feelings....sharing my little secret with readers...i guess...that's what make me stubbornly keep applying this pov....i have no confidence to sit in a great seat with lotsa burden....but i sure am giddy to tell stories without having to worries techniques, grandeur n stuffs...

ahh should i do it...should i not....

i completely blame this on No Min Woo n Park Ki Woong....or rather...Tae Ik n Kang Hwi...why? why the heartbleeding chemistry...why? wae? 

(shared it last night but says who i can't share it again? this scene just get me right in the feels probly way more than the first ep kiss...even when Tae Ik was singing alone the acoustic ver i can feel he's singing it for Kang Hwi....aaahhhh and then bam!...oppars separated n went their own path and suddenly reunited on stage with a bang...that can't get wrong...the dripping feels...n u know i have big love for anythng acoustic rite.....ughhh, my cheeks hurt so much from the ubersmiley that can't be controlled once kang hwi suddenly appeared on stage with his smile...)

snifle.

anyway...yeah so i'm still weighing this possibility of starting this whatever fic....even without having plot idea yet...erm...doesn't my stories lack that plot n actions anyway...i guess the downside of first person pov n my own dull life would be the lack of action....bcuz emotions take center stage....

still considering....

besides...i don't feel good everytime i write /male-male pairing....cuz it's just wrong. religiously, there's no excuse...it's wrong. n the fact that it's so damn mainstream makes it kinda boring n lame too...i do get that love knows no boundaries...but how ppl are all too white knights over lgbt while think it's alrite to bash straight pairings make me raise eyebrows...in fact it's so mainstream that lately everyone(as in wherever i turn to online) believes they're gay/lesbian..makes me wonder if that's really the case or many just unconsciously drawn to that assumption cuz it's the trend...youknow...nah i doubt community with strong opinion on this like in aff would even try to understand what i'm trying to say but oh well...so don't bother trying to school me cuz you don't want to play smart at me....trust me...if you don't like just leave...easy peasy.....i don't go as far as to hate(takes too much energy), judge or anything as long as it doesn't affect me....n i know fictions are just fictions...but it just doesn't feel right....yknow....not that writing some straight scenes(i never did) would be anymore 'right' than writing a thing....religiously...both are wrong...haa. 

i guess what i'm worried about is getting too into the feels...you know i do that. fictions are fictions but where do i draw the line? in fact, my feelings as my characters tend to be stronger than my feeling as myself...i guess i have many dissatisfactions/anger/vengeance/blandness/fear in my personal life that there's no place for softer/pretty feels like anything romance, mushy, sappy....now you get why my characters tend to be so mushy sappy pathetic things...?...

 

 

and then there's another idea on how to 'celebrate my belated AFF anniversary...

i was thinking of starting a compilation of stories/drabbles that are like...spinoff of some sort to all my existing fics in aff....like....what's happening to them now eversince the story ended/halted....that'd be sweet...like going down the memory lane opr sth...

sounds too ambitious rite? i'm still weighing this too...is it realistic..is it not?

i feel so passionless n useless n hopeless n all worse adjectives lately...

and i remember how happy n passionate i was when i got engrossed with writing a fic...

doesn't help that none of the fics i subscribed now are ever updated anymore...

not even my own lmao...

so no blaming anyone...that's just life....

just that sometimes...when things get so dry...and when the whole universe seems to have quieted down with you when you need their soaring cheer to make you forget your woes...

someone's gotta shake things up again...

and if it ain't gonna be anyone else...

if it has to be you for the nth time....then so be it....

even if just for your own damn self...

that's just life.

not everyone gonna be a princess that'll get saved by princes...or by anyone frankly...

some people gotta save themselves all the time...

i'm not sure if that's what i'm doing....but at least i'm good at distracting myself...even if that's not the best conclusion...

 

 

random but i'm thinking why am i not feeling like writing a kibum-chaeyeon fic while shipping the characters in a recent drama....but why do i feel strongly about a more dated pairing from drama of years ago?

at the end of the day...fanfic is just fanfic....

and it's not always about gender or timing...

it's all...

IN THE FEELS.

snifle....they be the death of me....sigh...

 

what the...i'm in the mode for heartbleeding romance now...pfft...

now if you'd help...i'd appreciate if you choose either of the choice....i'm not sure whether to make them as Take One in the fic or not...

 

ok...seeya~

 

ps: i just noticed my aff yearly badge has changed...no....i didn't get to keep the four year one...why can't we keep our badges? T^T....

 

pps: i just watched drinking solo ep12 for my ship.....dude...this Chaeyeon-Gongmyung thing needs to stop ASAP...i feel so bad for Kibum....T^T....meanwhile Dongyoung continues to be fabulous....;)