being salty af

God I wish I had happier things to share with you guys but I'm just a mess and I have been for like 4 yrs straight but I still feel sorry for just venting about all my issues on here. Like, have you guys ever felt jealous of a friend, or just someone you're on okay terms with? And like, it's stupid because they're just so kind and sweet but at the same time you can't help but dislike them just a little (which is an awful thing if you're their friend like the worst feeling) but they're just super nice and supportive so you feel like if you admit you're jealous of them. I want to be supportive of my friends, I really do, but at the same time I want to be where they are. This one girl I know, well friends with, god she's so beautiful and smart and charismatic and has everything going for her and like compared to her I feel like a lost child who doesn't know what to do with life. And it's awful because I know she has her problems too and had to sacrifice quite a bit to get where she is but then you think that you deserve just as much and like that's not a healthy mindset??? You kind of resent when they talk about all the great things happening to them and you want to tell them to stop but like, you're also happy and want to be a good friend so you just smile and listen. I mean, when you're a kid you think of all the great things that will happen when you become an adult, but when you're finally an adult it's kind of underwhelming. You're just kind of there. And that's how I feel. I compare myself to people I know, to people younger than me, and wonder if I even deserve the happiness that they have. If I deserve all the things I want and the answer always comes back as no, not really. On one hand I feel like I've been through enough of a rough period that something good should happen, a period of good fortune, but at the same time I think that I'm undeserving of what I want. And it's all just a mess really because I don't know what to do I'm just at this stand still thinking about what I want and how I could get it but then also questioning if I deserve it. Okay this is super depressing I'm sorry guys but I just really don't know where else to write this kind of stuff *sigh*

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Aidemstarz #1 Oct 2, 2016 18:21:24

Of course you deserve to have good things happen to you and for you. Sometimes it just seems like it never comes along or a lot of bad things happen instead. I have felt the same so I understand what you're feeling. Hang in there and try to be positive. Negative feelings really can take a toll on you. Don't lose hope :)

sleepingprince #2 Oct 2, 2016 18:00:34

First of all i think you shouldnt compare yourself to anyone. Its normal to feel that you too want to achieve as much as your friend does and all but instead of feeling jealous maybe you should use it as a benchmark for you to start planning and aiming for your own goal. Take her as a role model . Learn from her like what makes her to be good at what she does and etc.. Sometimes you might learn a few tricks and tips . I think to know whether you deserved it anot had alot to do with how much effort and sacrifices that you are willing to put in . Like you said your friend too had to go thru alot to be where she is right now. Nothing comes easily and for that you need to brace yourself and do your very best in everything. I think maybe you can try as many things as you can . Try get the experience and know exactly what is it all about then probably you'l have a rough idea of what you want. Feed your soul i think when your soul is awaken in someways you'l understand yourself better. As long as you are willing to work hard and not give up then there's always chances for you to turn things around for the better. Think positive. Build yourself confidence and try not to focus too much on other people's achievement but start working on yours . Believe in yourself and believe more in your dreams. All the best to you.