Oh sweet neptune it's been quite a while since I've actually added a chapter to any story I have. The last actual chapter I added to  a story was July 14 of last year (obviously). And let's see, it's been like 8 months. So I'm going to give you guys an explanation why I've been gone so long from AFF and all my stories in general in a nice bulleted list. IDK who even is going to read this, or if anyone will bother to read this at all, but for all you subscribers that do please know that it wasn't my intention to leave for so long. 

1. I felt unappreciated. This is one of the big reasons why I started and stopped so many stories, and why I ultimately deleted so many of my old ones too. I had subscribers but they never showed support or commented. No one gets paid on this site to write, we all write for free and it does take out a chunk of our life and time. I've squawked about this before, but it's important to show support because without it writers will assume no ones bothering to read it or really cares and will stop. I've taken a total of 3, if not more, hiatus' because i just felt lousy about the lack of support. This isn't the only reason why I honestly stopped coming on, but it's a huge reason. 

2. life's a unpredictable. Along with deleting a ton of stories I deleted a lot of blog posts so imma give you (if you're new) a run down of all my issues. Anxiety, depression, low self-worth. So for all 5yrs (and holy crap i can't believe it's been five yrs already time sure does fly) I've been on here, I've been battling all of that. On top of that, I've hit major highs and lows in depression and my writings reflected each period. I few times where I left for a month or so were because I needed to re-charge mentally. The good news though, around September of last yr, is that I've been doing a lot better. My life has been busier because of college and spending time with my boyfriend really helps. The thing is though, that since things have been getting better, I don't have time anymore to really sit down and write. My times being occupied by other things so all my stories are on the way back burner. When I started my hiatus, I never figured how long I'd be gone, so I made a promise that when I got time I'd update, but that's the thing about life, you can't really plan for what'll happen. I honestly didn't plan on feeling happier, or working more, or having a boyfriend, but all those things did happen and thus my hiatus just grew and grew until, well, almost a yr went by where I haven't updated anything. I'm genuinely sorry if I disappointed anyone by not keeping my promise, or if you're hoping for an update in the near future, or if you just left because it seemed like I'll never come back. I can't make any promises right now besides the fact that i hope i'll come back, but life is just....you can't predict what'll happen. 

3. Writing in general. Have you guys ever done something to an extreme where after a while you just hate it? Like you eat a candy so much that after a point it just disgusts you? Well, when I first started AFF I wrote stories left and right. Albeit most of them were oneshots, but the point is I wrote a lot in highschool because my depression was pretty bad back then so I usually secluded myself. I mean I still kinda do but not to that extent. Anyways, writing just isn't super fun for me anymore. I used to love writing, but as the years went on writing just felt like a chore. I wrote so much in high school and in college that after a while I just got burnt out. I didn't enjoy it, and later on I wrote less and less and updated less and less. It's kind of sad falling out of love with something you used to hold so dearly. I mean, I like writing and the ideas and concepts but I don't enjoy it as much as I used to. My writing skills have probably improved since my hiatus tbqh since I've been forced to write more but the only way I'd write now is if I was forced to. I love my stories, they're like my children, something I created but I've abandoned them because I just simply can't love them like I used to.

4. Kpop is just not a thing anymore. Now, when I first started to write I loved kpop. I loved Super Junior the most, they'll always be number 1 in my heart, but I've slowly exited my kpop phase. I still keep up with a few groups here and there but not religiously. If anything, I'm a step lower than a casual fan. I just don't like kpop as much as I used to back in my prime (god look at me talking as if i'm in my 80s or something). It's kind of sad because kpop is what lead me to this site and to making wonderful friends and talking to wonderful people, but I can't really bring myself to have the motivation to update kpop fanfic if i don't really love the groups anymore. Or at least as much as I used to. And tbh it does kind of sadden me, because if this was just a phase it's a hella long phase but kpop meant so much to me and helped me through hard times. And it's kind of saddening that I just can't get the same happiness from it as I used to, but if anything it's all a fond memory.

5. I don't know if I want to come back. So, the thing is, the longer I wait to comeback the more people I know I'll lose and the more people I lose the more I stop caring about the story. Because if I lose a ton of people, it's like who will bother reading it if I do update? I've been known to be indecisive and wishy-washy, but the longer I stay away from AFF the more unsure I become if I really want to come back. Don't get me wrong, I still log on occasionally and look for stories and comment, but I don't do much than that. The reason I'm not sure if I'll come back is a combination of all the 4 reasons above, and if I'm to be honest, I'll probably never come back. I wont delete the account, but I'll more than likely just stop coming by. And that's also a sad thought because AFF has been in my life for 5 yrs holy cow. I mean, 5 yrs is a pretty good run but at the same time it's quite a significant chunk of my life. I don't want to give it up because in my head it'll be like I did this all for nothing, but the more I've grown I've realized that letting some things go is natural. To fall out of love for something is natural. And I don't want to make any promises or get anyone's hopes up, because life is unpredictable and idk what'll happen in the near future. I hope I'll come back and find my passion for writing again, but I won't hold my breath.

I want to end this on a less dreary note, so to all of you over the years who have read my stories, silent or not, I still want to thank you for following me. You all have helped me through a lot, and even though this site has caused me some problems, overall it's done more good than harm. So I just want to wish you all a wonderful week and I hope something amazing happen to you ❤️️

 Best Wishes,

          Kuehki