Title: Bravo My Life: The Return

Writer: bravomylife

Reviewer: Suhyo07

Title (5/10)

To be honest, I don't get the meaning behind the title. Maybe because I've never read the main story, I didn't understand the title besides the fact that the first three words were named after the author. So I went to check the original story and it turned out 'Bravo My Life' was actually the series' name. That's totally acceptable, and since it's a sequel, 'The Return' was suitable as well.

Foreword (6/10)

The description was good, but it was too vague. More details would be better, because without reading the story, few readers would be curious and chase after it, like me at the beginning. Honestly speaking, the title and foreword didn't catch my attention at all. What you need to add was the appeal point. Give the readers a reason to read your story, so you could gain more readers.

Plot (28/35)

The plot started confusing at first, and then go on smooth for a few chapters, and stopped abruptly, and then went on so slowly I had to start skip-reading. If I had to conclude this in one word, it would be this: messy. The flow was messy, but the idea of the plot was alright.

The few parts that I think could be taken out were the parts about the 'war' between Seoul Arts School and Hannam High School, because besides it being an addition for explaining why there were netizens backing Daesung up and for Kim Daul to appear, I can't find another reason for it to appear.

Some of them felt surreal, and with plot holes, like TEMPO suddenly being contacted by his relatives for going to the Art Museum. To be honest, the whole plot was perfect at first glance, but if you read it again, there were certain parts that needed correcting.

Last thing I want to mention was how cliche this whole thing was. Like it appeared out of a Korean drama. Didn't appeal much to me, again.

Characters (14/20)

Seunghyun and Jiyong's personalities didn't differ from each other much; both being shallow, always 'omo'ing and being hyper or just cry suddenly. Seunghyun had split personalities, TEMPO and Seunghyun, and I prefer TEMPO over Choi Seunghyun, because you made Seunghyun into a really sensitive guy that kept having insecuriteies over everything he did, and it irritated me a lot because a majority of the story was about him breaking into tears, trying to stand up again and of course, the make-out scenes with Jiyong. The whole story, I was looking for the charismatic TOP, and I understand that since it's pre-debut, a lot of things would be different but his personality was really straining my boundaries because, again, half of the story was wasted on him repeatedly falling and standing up. That's not really the most irritating part, the not-learning-from-the-incident was the worst. The mistakes were almost the same and it just felt like reading the same thing repeating itself again and again.

Jiyong's personality was similar, except he was more reckless and clear-headed, but it was clear that he was almost as shallow as Seunghyun, with the omo-ing even more than his lover. The only thing I like about him was his fashion senses and whenever he worked. To be honest, this personality fitted him. Just a little. Him being confused and everything was really good, but somehow it felt he lacked a backbone. Like not having enough guts, that's what you call it?

My favourite character was NBK Gray, because he actually had diferent personality changes whenever the situation called for it, and because he was always the one who tidied up the mess Seunghyun left behind, so I sort of understood him.

It would be better if you make their personalities a little different.

Grammar (13/20)

Generally speaking, your grammar was tolerable for the first few chapters, but about halfway through Chapter 7, I gave up proofreading because the chapters were too freaking long and there were more mistakes than I expected.

Firstly, the tenses. I've seen this in a lot of authors, which included me, so you didn't need to worry much. Try sticking to one tense, even if the flow of the sentences sound alright. Trust me, it would sound way better if the tenses were the same.

Secondly, there were a few sentences that either lacked a comma or had the incorrect punctuation, such as sentences that started with 'How' or 'What' but ended with a full stop, which sounded really strange, or sentences that were really flat but you raised it up with an exclaimation mark at the end, like 'Someday he would find out what that was all about!'. A simple full stop could replace the exclaimation mark to make the sentence smoother. Sometimes, with sentences like these, try reading them out to test the effect of the punctuation, like the lyrics in the story.

Thirdly, the overuse of Korean terms like 'omo' and 'senbae'. For your information, hyung and noona were used by males to call others that were older than them, and oppa and unnie, not unni for girls, because you kept using unni for boys and hyung for girls. And as far as I know, there's no such word as 'senbae', only 'hoobae' and 'sunbae'. And because Chinese, Koreans and Japanese have certain rules for calling people that were older than them, YG would be better be called 'sajang-nim' instead of 'sunbae', which I think you were planning on using, as 'sunbae' would be used for elders in the same industry. You may argue that YG was a senior in the Kpop Industry, but because he was in such a high status you can't call him sunbae. And for Seungho, you could use 'ssi' in the end, which would sound better.

Also, 'Jiyong-a' wasn't exactly a way to call him. More like calling him to catch his attention. Imagine if you have to add a 'hey' in front of every name you call. Sounds annoying, didn't it? Exactly the same with adding an '-a' in the end.

Overall enjoyment (3/5)

Don't get this the wrong way, but I didn't really like the story because of the overlapping personalites, cliche plot and misuse of Korean terms. However, even though I skimmed through them, your lyric writing skills were really good, unless you didn't write them because I sure couldn't find a few songs on Youtube. The beats were also awesome, how did you find them? Anyways, good luck on updating :)

Note: The idea of this story was really good, but somehow the writing style was lacking. It felt a little childish, not suited for stories like these.

Overall score: 69/100