(the lyrics are so meaningful but i can't find the mv that has eng sub in it...so...you can search on your own)

You know what i love and adore about this drama?

Everyone face hardship, and no matter how horrible it gets to them, they struggle to overcome it or to find a silver lining in the darkest of clouds...

They face pain, they get so sad and lonely and helpless...the kind of pain any of us walking this Earth could relate to...seriously...

but they keep striving.

They want to live.

Gritting your teeth to overcome hurdles don't always result in happy ending...

And this drama don't sugarcoat that part at all. so realistic and yet so beautiful. maybe life is beautiful afterall.

In such a mundane fancy setting, they portray so many life lessons that you can apply no matter who you are and where you stand...

Not a single character wasted, almost all characters can touch you and make you feel their life, their perspectives, their struggles, their pain...even in their limited appearance in the drama.

That's how damn good this drama is. lemme reword it, damn freaking amazing.

It'll forever be top ranking greatest drama that had ever graced kdramaland i'd say...not just in kdramaland...it's the best i've seen...

The video alone give chills n brought tears to my eyes.

The rush of all feelings come gushing again, overwhelmed.

But that's not what primarily caused this post.

it's just that, the comparison i suddenly thought of. with what i see in real life.

i see people wanting to self harm n suicide everyday, on the net especially...maybe i just don't know in real life since everyone has their pain and keep to themselves. my life has always been alone, aside of my family that don't always care/know/support/understand me, but is there when it matters...and will always be there. i have my pains too...and most time i'd keep it to myself bcuz i know no dramatic actions would change it unless i take actions that really directly change it...

self harm...suicide..sure, i'd get murdered(not literally) in this kinda site for having this kinda take on it...for not being sensitive, understanding blabla enough....i've been here for almost five years...and i've been in kpop for ten years...i probly know what to expect better than i know myself...haa...

do you know how many people out there whose life is a million times worse? do you know how many people out there prayed so hard to live but still the decision's not theirs...

everytime i see this kinda thing...and sometimes seeing the causes...it irks me so damn much...like...and you think everyone else around you live so happily with no struggle, sadness, depression in their lives...

don't even start with the word depression...in my online life, i can't even begin the count how commonly i encounter this word...it seems like every petty little thing can cause depression, selfharm, suicide n stuff...i'm not saying all (though really...)...do you know how damn freaking many people out there can't even afford to get depressed because their situations are so much worse and life is a living hell that there's not even space for depression self harming blabla? Depression is a luxury they could never afford.

sometimes i feel the internet only spread theese kinda thing...subconsciously...it appears as a cool way to show you're in pain, need help no one cares and blablabla...you will not admit to this...bcuz this is something we see everyday and accepts it naturally...i'd say internet has done so much more damage than the few goods...but still, i love being on internet...one of my fav things...not gonna be a hypocrite and ask you to live without internet cuz it's healthy better n blabla...of course it is...but you get it? no? whatev...i don't expect to be understood. minority ideas shouldn't expect that.

I'm just asking you to learn to think beyond what your eyes, your brains has been fed by the internet...wisdom lies in you. Rational thinking, common sense...everyone should have it...it's just that many chose to get accustomed to what's being fed n brainwashed into them that they forgot to use their own gift. you don't have to be intelligent, straight A kid, or some certified expert in anything to have common sense.

Instead of thinking to harm yourself bcuz of how everything is killing you and you're so weak...why not lend a hand to ease another person's pain? Have you tried? Cuz maybe,....just maybe easing another person's pain would miraculously easy your own pain....you won't know if you don't try (surprisingly, the things i'm talking today is a lot like my own fanfic omggg...it's in malay though) ....think of how privileged you are for all the things you have compared to those who can't even afford sadness and our favourite word depression... we're whining about how the world don't care about us but how much do we care about people other than ourselves? sure...if the people you care are being such jerks n don't care about you...then why waste the heartache than ditch them for better friendships in the world? the amount of possibility is as many as the number of people on this planet....and if people are such lost cause...then can't we just learn to befriend ourselves and love ourselves for who we are?

You will never betray yourself if your love for yourself is true and if you're any better than them. if you're still resorting to those stuffs like self harming etc...doesn't it only mean that you're worse than them? you're supposed to be the one person who will never betray yourself...

Don't resort to such level, don't stoop that low...as much as you want to deny that you have it (because you never learnt the otherwise from typical setting you're surrounded by)...you can control yourself. Unless you have some real sickness where you have no control over yourself and if that's the case...you won't even be on the net...writing like any sane person claiming to be not so sane.

Like it or not...you CAN choose.

Of course there are many things in life you can't choose, that, is the cause of our suffering...but how we react to the challenges in our life is something we choose. Don't deny that right we have to ourselves.

i know i'll get so hated for this post...if it's being read by all the depressed people...

i just feel that there are too many people depressed, and at least half or more of them haven't even encountered the real hardcore obstacles in life you'll be met with soon...unless your life is so lucky to forever be depressed merely by the kinda thing that depresses you now...

i feel like i've been at the lowest point of my life wheel for so many years...i'm too scared to meet anyone i knew, that i'd rather be alone, not like they ever cared, but hey, i've long reacted by not caring about anyone but myself...nobody is gonna be there for me, so i need to be extra caring to myself...i deserve that. sometimes i'll extend my effort/care for others, but only for so much...i know that giving all will only result in expectations and later on, disappointment, hurt. so why bother if i know how to avoid it all....i don't want to meet people i know anymore...people can only give their worthless pity or gossip about me....so why bother? even at work, i get treated like crap for my hardwork n dedication...beureucracy is common shhiet anyway. doesn't mean we have to always accept it. i realize my friendships are only as long as we work together or studied together...sometimes you think you could make it work...but it doesn't work that way if you're not in such a good standing...what i've vaguely shared is just about 5% of how i go through life...but i know i'm not alone facing this kinda situations...i know there are many facing the same, i know there are many facing worse...so much worse that i can't even imagine how i'd ever handle it if i'm in their place...even if all people i know seems to be in fancy state....i know...i count my blessing...i try to console myself if nobody would and people i care would only accuse me as nasty biatch who thinks the worst of people just bcuz i don't sugarcoat n i'd say hurtful things to warn or care for them...i keep fighting against losing battles even if in the end i end up alone, hurt and the one i fought against will always win for being more powerful...i feel good. i know so many people face the same as i but choose to just keep quiet and endure it all or run away without a word...bcuz they know fighting a losing battle would only hurt you n it's not worth it...but i know that even if my way of fight won't yield in results i hope....i feel good bcuz i'm doing something to change the craps in the world....such a tiny seeming useless effort...but at least i have something to be proud of in all my shiettiness state....

i've seen it all....people who fight against injustice n power never win...i've seen their entire life went in the dumps and they died in such pathetic state with no respect but full of disgrace...but they never back off or gave in or idk....self harm, suicide or anything...there's always a way...maybe you haven't found it now...maybe nobody ever reach out to you...but who says you're not allowed to reach out to them...anyone...

i know if i never change the way i am....that would be my direction too....my life is so shietty and i feel like i'm at rock bottom (though tbh...i feel that i'm underestimating the situation and things can get way much worse of course)...physically, i look fine...but emotionally, mentally...i'm just done....so it's not like i don't get all you depressed ones...i have such luxury to in that respect...but i'd say, i'm too embarrassed to call whatever i feel as depression....i have no rights when i can still sit in this comfort writing this longass post on a fanfic site on the internet....so much luxuries in one instance of reality. i'm not blind to be unaware of all these.

which is why i feel so embarrassed for all the times i might have claimed to be depressed(i hope not too many times...cringe.)...depression might be a serious shiet back then but now...the word is so overused by everyone that it feels like merely a child's play word...

like it or not...my life is good.

it's far from perfect.

i can make it better if i want to.

i can go to any direction i want to take my life on...although i know there are so many things beyond my control that would be blocking me over n over...

i'm aware of all that. life can be full of sadness. but hey, everyone has their sadness. i admire people stronger than myself. i learn to not expect so much for my own happiness. and....i'm still learning a lot...everyday...about life. i'm still far from being right let alone perfect...but i know i'm a lot more rational and have common sense than many i've seen too...

i keep trying to jump over my great hurdle...but after years and years...i still fail. i'll keep trying. i'll find a new way. God gives you brain, faith and creativity for reason...God gives you strength.

maybe i'll keep trying for as long as i live, just like many...

nothing special, but that's life.

I'm still learning. i've a lot to learn for as long as i'm given the time to live...

And please don't bother reply if you're just gonna tell me the kinda things i can already predict, same ol.

and even though i won't ever ask anyone to give me love...(because all these while even when no one would be here for me, i've always been my biggest supporter, cheerleader)

i'd say...

love yourself. please.

nobody say you can only get love from others.

you're capable of it.

don't betray yourselves and only keep blaming the world when you never even try to save yourself.

think. reach out. whatever.

thank you.