*warning: slighlty incoherent thoughts below

I honestly feel so awful b/c I complain waaaaay too much in these blog posts and they're all usually pretty down OTL but...I just feel kind of weird again today. So, I was hanging out with my friend and I saw her as being in the same boat as me, unsure of what to do in the future, stuck in a town she hates, stuff like that, but I realized that we're not the same. I'm not hee, she isn't me, we've lived two different lives. She's traveled alot, but mainly because of the military, whereas I haven't. And while we were hanging out she told me she's moving from her small town to a rather large city and she's going on a cruise this fall too. I mean, I don't feel bitter or any resentment, maybe a bit of envy, but overall I don't feel like I did before. I guess that's a good thing because how I felt before was very toxic and hurt me but it's just weird now. I'm not used to it. I mean, I still feel a little bit of envy but not as much as before, I'm not taking any pity on myself becuase I know that everyone is different and we lead different lives. I can't be someone else, but I can want the same things they have. 

What I'm trying to get at here though, is that I guess I'm feeling a bit alone. She was the only one I could really relate too but I failed to see that everyone around me has changed, including myself, and that scares me because I don't know how to act around them now. I don't know the right things to say and I feel really alone because I can't find someone to relate to. Umm...did any of this make sense xD I just don't want to lose people and I understand that it's part of life oh my gosh i make it sound like ppl are dying but they're not but that doesn't mean I have to like it. You know, the me last year and the me now is actually quite different and I've learned a lot in a year. Yeah...all of the lessons I learned was through the hard way and hurt like hell but ya' know, you grow whether you're aware or not--want to or not. I guess I just don't want to be alone but not because I don't feel okay being alone, but because I just want someone to share my happiness with and talk to about anything and everything. Haha, I'm not sure what this is, a rambling I suppose, but just rememebr children that you are you and no one else, you grow and change but you can never be anyone but you. And that's okay, just keep doing you!