PURGATORIO ; 공선미 (TW homophobia)
GONG SEONMI
THE ESCAPIST.
GONG SEONMI'S DEATH
seonmi didn't believe herself when she felt excited that seulah had wanted to meet in the woods, privately.
there is nothing special about meeting a friend, seonmin.
but it's seulah.
it's just seulah.
it's never just seulah.
she couldn't stop a stupid, giddy smile spreading across her face when she saw seulah standing there in the moonlight with her back towards her, her svelte figure making seonmi's heart stir.
it's probably adrenaline from the camp today.
it's because it's seulah.
it's just seulah, seonmi, don't think too much.
I told you, it's never just seulah.
don't kid yourself, you have a boyfriend!
by having a boyfriend you're lying to yourself, seonmi.
seonmi put her hands on seulah's shoulder her skin is so soft, so smooth- seonmi, of course a girl has smooth skin and peeked her head out to look at the girl. seulah's features were gorgeously illuminated that side profile, seonmi, doesn't it make your heart jump? in the moonlight and seonmi's heart skipped a beat.
"seonmi...." seulah breathed. a light smile graced her face and seonmi repeated to herself that no no no no this is wrong I don't like girls but the attempts at refusing the reality proved to be futile as she felt seulah's arms around her. her breath hitched in .
"seulah? what are you..." but she was shushed as seulah nuzzled her head in the crook of seonmi's neck. seonmi held in her breath, waiting, puzzling, aroused.
seulah stood up straight and held seonmi's face her in hands. the latter was sure that her face was heating up and even under the moonlight, she knew it's obvious her face was red. she never thought that this would happen to her, nor did she think in a million years that seulah was... like... her.
she closed her eyes and waited for seulah's pink lips to touch hers.
cold, slender fingers clenched .
frantic eyes fly open as seonmi's small hands reach to pry away seulah's unforgiving fingers. is open but no sounds come out as her eye bulge in shock and disbelief. is closing up, her chest feels constricted, she can't breathe can't breathe can't breathe don't scrape seulah that'll leave traces you have to protect her her limbs flail and she gives up on defending herself.
she feels life flowing out of her and her last memory is seulah leaning over her crumpled body with a atrocious beautiful jeer on her face.
"d i g u s t i n g h o m o." she spat.
***
never did she really think of taking revenge on seulah. she understood why seulah was disgusted and she had actually wanted to go and warn the younger girl, but the rest of the squad were too swift with their revenge.
GONG SEONMI'S PAST
her parents are traditionalists. seonmi has always been taught to be patriotic, to be kind, and to conform to the norm.
as a child she was the one spouting wise words that got her identified as an annoying know-it-all, but as time passed she soon became the girl who everyone in ninyang knew for her motherly and benevolent nature. everyone know gong seonmi, the nicest girl around town.
ever since she was thirteen she'd already been bumbling around after school, walking pets and tutoring children and babysitting and volunteering at the local elderly centre. earning money left and right to save up for a better education when she graduated high school, she earns around 1350000 won per month, which in all honesty is quite a lot, especially for a teen like her. but it isn't surprising, since she charges high rates, and people are willing to pay them because they know how good she is at her tasks.
seonmi first discovered that she... wasn't normal when she was fifteen. or at least, not normal by her parents' standards. that year, seonmi was assigned to sit next to a certain ki hyejeong. the girl was a gorgeous beauty and her outgoing personality had seonmi's heart thumping whenever hyejeong leaned slightly towrds seonmi.
however, seonmi doesn't believe in homouality and finds it disgusting. her parents have always taught her that men and women are supposed to get together, not two of the same . her parents find it revolting, her country finds it revolting, and so pre-teen seonmi found herself revolting. she refused to believe that she was homoual and pushed the feelings for hyejeong away, treating it as a "phase".
but the heart always likes disobeying the brain.
as a child she was the one spouting wise words that got her identified as an annoying know-it-all, but as time passed she soon became the girl who everyone in ninyang knew for her motherly and benevolent nature. everyone know gong seonmi, the nicest girl around town.
ever since she was thirteen she'd already been bumbling around after school, walking pets and tutoring children and babysitting and volunteering at the local elderly centre. earning money left and right to save up for a better education when she graduated high school, she earns around 1350000 won per month, which in all honesty is quite a lot, especially for a teen like her. but it isn't surprising, since she charges high rates, and people are willing to pay them because they know how good she is at her tasks.
seonmi first discovered that she... wasn't normal when she was fifteen. or at least, not normal by her parents' standards. that year, seonmi was assigned to sit next to a certain ki hyejeong. the girl was a gorgeous beauty and her outgoing personality had seonmi's heart thumping whenever hyejeong leaned slightly towrds seonmi.
however, seonmi doesn't believe in homouality and finds it disgusting. her parents have always taught her that men and women are supposed to get together, not two of the same . her parents find it revolting, her country finds it revolting, and so pre-teen seonmi found herself revolting. she refused to believe that she was homoual and pushed the feelings for hyejeong away, treating it as a "phase".
but the heart always likes disobeying the brain.
***
kim seulah unlocks seonmi's phone the password was the date of the korean independence movement, how predictable and to her chagrin there is nothing about seonmi worth getting angry or jealous about. her text messages are nothing out of the ordinary, boring even. there is nothing scandalous going between her and jaehyuk; everyone knows they're dating but their text message is so horribly plain. there's not even a heart behind his name.
seulah is infuriated. she needs to take this girl out as well but she can't find a reason to do so, and she might be guilty because of this. she resorts to clicking into every utliity.
a note catches her eye. seonmi keeps track of her money on her phone and seulah's eyes widen at the amount of the money the older girl has. perfect, she smiles to herself. I'm jealous about her wealth. she's got a reason now! how perfect.
a thought flashes through her mind. she knows seonmi babysits and walks pets, but no teenager earns that much, right? is the innocent girl next door blackmailing people? seulah's grin got even wider as she clicked into the photo album. her grin slides right off her face.
the album is filled with photos of her. seulah sees herself in every picture on seonmi's phone. her sitting on the benches, her practicing, her laughing, her
changing in the dressing room, her, her, her. and seulah knew that seonmi was... "a lesbian," she muttered in contempt. "and she likes me. how ing disgusting."
seulah is infuriated. she needs to take this girl out as well but she can't find a reason to do so, and she might be guilty because of this. she resorts to clicking into every utliity.
a note catches her eye. seonmi keeps track of her money on her phone and seulah's eyes widen at the amount of the money the older girl has. perfect, she smiles to herself. I'm jealous about her wealth. she's got a reason now! how perfect.
a thought flashes through her mind. she knows seonmi babysits and walks pets, but no teenager earns that much, right? is the innocent girl next door blackmailing people? seulah's grin got even wider as she clicked into the photo album. her grin slides right off her face.
the album is filled with photos of her. seulah sees herself in every picture on seonmi's phone. her sitting on the benches, her practicing, her laughing, her
changing in the dressing room, her, her, her. and seulah knew that seonmi was... "a lesbian," she muttered in contempt. "and she likes me. how ing disgusting."
GONG SEONMI'S RELATIONSHIPS
THE BOYFRIEND : lee jaehyuk
對不起我不愛你 愛情不能虛情假意做遊戲
I'm sorry I don't love you / love can't be faked it isn't a game
jaehyuk and seonmi were, bluntly, something that never should have been. jaehyuk was merely a good friend to seonmi, nothing more, but to him seonmi was more. he confessed, and as seonmi believed that having a boyfriend would bring her out of her 'phase' , as she liked to call it, she accepted his confession and the two started dating. her parents know of the relationship and are extremely supportive. actually, everyone except hara in ninyang are supportive. the two seem to be the perfect couple but under closer inspection you'll see the two rarely touch each other and are actually rather distant.
對不起我不愛你 愛情不能虛情假意做遊戲
I'm sorry I don't love you / love can't be faked it isn't a game
jaehyuk and seonmi were, bluntly, something that never should have been. jaehyuk was merely a good friend to seonmi, nothing more, but to him seonmi was more. he confessed, and as seonmi believed that having a boyfriend would bring her out of her 'phase' , as she liked to call it, she accepted his confession and the two started dating. her parents know of the relationship and are extremely supportive. actually, everyone except hara in ninyang are supportive. the two seem to be the perfect couple but under closer inspection you'll see the two rarely touch each other and are actually rather distant.
THE CRUSH : kim seulah
等到風景都看透 也許你會陪我看細水長流
after we see it all / maybe you'll watch the river flow with meseonmi met kim seulah the day the latter tried out for cheerleading squad. seonmi was one of the judeges and as soon as she saw the younger tread onto the lawn seonmi knew that she was screwed. her heart raced and her face turned completely red. a thumping resounded in her head and haesook thought seonmi had a fever going, but it was just seonmi falling for seulah on first sight. she took up the role of the caring senior and always found chances to talk to seulah, linking arms and doting her like there was no tomorrow. seulah was hesitant to kill seonmi at first, but then she discovered that she wasn't just a friend to seonmi.
等到風景都看透 也許你會陪我看細水長流
after we see it all / maybe you'll watch the river flow with meseonmi met kim seulah the day the latter tried out for cheerleading squad. seonmi was one of the judeges and as soon as she saw the younger tread onto the lawn seonmi knew that she was screwed. her heart raced and her face turned completely red. a thumping resounded in her head and haesook thought seonmi had a fever going, but it was just seonmi falling for seulah on first sight. she took up the role of the caring senior and always found chances to talk to seulah, linking arms and doting her like there was no tomorrow. seulah was hesitant to kill seonmi at first, but then she discovered that she wasn't just a friend to seonmi.
THE FRIEND : yeo hara
你的笑還在胸前 晃動著昨天
your smile is still here / shaking yesterday
hara wass seonmi's closest friend on the squad. first it was because of their similar natures, then seonmi had told hara about how confused she was about her uality and she had never felt lighter when hara told her matter of factly that she was a lesbian. seonmi still didn't want to believe that she was a homoual, but she had felt less horrified at the prospect of her being one.
你的笑還在胸前 晃動著昨天
your smile is still here / shaking yesterday
hara wass seonmi's closest friend on the squad. first it was because of their similar natures, then seonmi had told hara about how confused she was about her uality and she had never felt lighter when hara told her matter of factly that she was a lesbian. seonmi still didn't want to believe that she was a homoual, but she had felt less horrified at the prospect of her being one.
COMMENTS
I'm so sorry about my weak attemps at translating the lyrics. this is incredibly rushed so it's crappy af I'm sorry. also, I have to say that I completely support gay marriage and find homouality to be completely normal, but as korea is conservative and seonmi grew up in a conservative background, this felt like, to me, the way to add meat to seonmi. and uh because my writing skills I'll just clarify here that seonmi is an escapist because she refuses to believe her own uality.
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