Okay i have few things to rant today. Well, not really rant, i just miss EXO so much it hurts my chest so much. Beside that, I am also tired with my life currently. 

    first thing first, I, as one of the stupidest person on earth, was lurking around the internet and decided to do some intense throwback in my kpop life. So, i went through some few groups that i used to adore and love. It was okay up until I pressed Exo On Crack. it's stupid (i tell myself that every single day, dont worry). I started watching most of them and, of course, the old ones mostly consists the ones from Exo Showtime and tell me, they were still ot12 that time. How can i not friggin cry seeing that stupid duizhang doing some stupid lame jokes. (Dont Go is playnig rn T^T) . I miss them so much guys. I can't even explain the pain. I literally went through those teenage phase with exo. Their songs helped me sleep every night in tears. They were part of my dreams to be succesful. They were the thing that i look forward to everyday without feeling bored. They keep me happy. If it weren't for them, I could've have end up dying with those pills i had. This may sound like some cliche Tumblr post, but i ain't kidding when Kris's voice actually helped go through some things in my life. I was and will always be thankful for them. It was my dream to meet them and , honestly, it will still be my dream to meet them. I need to say thank you. I dont mind if i have to meet Kris only (lol okno. don't kill me. Kris is my bias. lmao no. i love all of them hahha)

   I left the kpop fandom after Kris left the group. It took me quite some times to move on. (Trust me, do you guys rmmbr those time they made videos about they want Kris to come back and such? can't stop watching it.). Then, I dived in straight back to the things i heard before i entered the kpop blackhole: bands. Yeah, life was great until i hit that point in my life where i just got tired of it. when i was 16, i enrolled into boarding school. the first half of the year was alright but once i transferred to the new school, my life completely had a 360 degree turn. I was back being the depress kid who tried so, so hard to blend in with the crowd. i lost all my confidence and i was living under my previous schoolmate's shadow. I lost everything and I needed someone. 

     I listened to hardcore songs, hoping it could erased some of the pain and forget all the things that happened to me. it never did help honestly. it just made everything worst. Then, i had a crush on this one boy. He is nice and well, smart and cute. He is famous for his title as the smart student and the religious kid (siapa orang malaysia budak ni naqib sekolah alim nak mati. lol)  he is also the school prefect and ALWAYS number one in my class. I never fall for some nice kid and this is my first time. Things were okay again until i got bashed by the whole damn school for befriended with him. it was ridiculous, i know. but the school is like that (judgemental and sangat lah 'menjaga ikhtilat'). they people there are very, very close minded and hypocrites. so, me and my crush, A, drifted apart. We don't talk anymore but often exchanged sad glances in the class. trust me, it is very painful to do that. Rumors said, he liked me as well and yeah, because of the students there, here we are, not talking anymore. he doesnt even want to talk to me anymore. Sad ,isn't it? yeah. 

     Today, 8th of June, I realized that Exo still soothe my ed up soul. Thus, it's ramadhan guys. I hope i won't do anything stupid. Adding more, I'm going to take my SPM this year and that is big for me. It's the exam that determine my life after school hahahah. it's like SAT for those who don't know. And throughout the whole damn year, my results are . no kidding. Trial is during my birthday which is around August. Let's pray i could get some decent marks so that i can continue my study and continue writing. and in conclusion, I realized, EXO, Writing, Friends, Am, Parents and you guys, are the reason i am still standing on my feet trying to get my life together.