It has been a while since I did up a serious blog and I figured I should write one. I actually did up a post about reflection on fandom quite some time ago, but things changed a lil so here I am!

By this year, I'm already a 6-year-old Cassie, 5-year-old ELF and also a 1-year-old ARMY. Yep, ARMY. Although I've said multiple times that I probably can't handle anymore than 18 (and probably +2) boys. Bangtan what you do to me urgh.

There was a period of time when I doubted if I was still a Cassie. I don't keep track of DBSK activities. I don't know they released new songs, new photo shoots or DVDs. I don't know about their current things. Am I still a Cassie? I thought about it for quite a while, and I think the answer is yes. Because no matter how detached I am from their current activities, how rarely I dare to have their songs playing, they put me to tears faster than any other groups in existence. Like honestly. It doesn't matter what the I was doing or watching prior. The moment I see the 5 of them standing in a line or in a circle on stage and they start singing, I drop whatever I'm holding and let the tears fall, all the papers it messed up. It has been 6 years, and I'm certainly not crazy over them as I was then, but I love them the same, or more, maybe. To me, DBSK will always be very important, because I met them at my worse. Well, I met them and SJ at my worse, but I wasn't an ELF then yet. DBSK was in fact the first group that reached me in my hardest times, back when I just got out from social exclusion, moved to a new environment and was fearful of any human interaction. They let me know that the world isn't half as bad as I perceived it to be. They got me crying after my eyes were dry for two years, and after each time I feel a little more alive. They taught me to love people again, after all that fear I had. They are beyond inspirational. After becoming a Cassiopeia, I started to interact with people more. It wasn't a transformation, but they coaxed me out of my shell. DBSK guided my first baby steps, and gave me a faith to hold on to. That, I will never forget.

SuJu is another case. I met them at the same time as DBSK in 2010 when I was just getting into kpop, but I was unimpressed then. So many people, urgh. But when I fell hard to DBSK and became an emotional wreck (the lawsuit period urgh) all the time, SuJu picked me up. They brought me smiles and laughter and joy. Not that DBSK didn't, they had so many sweet and hilarious moments back then, but I would usually be watching them and halfway I will start crying because we can't go back anymore. But there's SuJu. Always being ridiculous, always making me laugh. It took me a while, but I started to appreciate this group and see the deeper qualities they hold. I see the way the treat each other as family, despite all the goodbyes. I see how they struggled from negative to the top, achieving something even their company thought was impossible. I see the efforts that they put in, always hidden behind masks of jokes and antics. I see their struggle, their pride and their belief. And most of all I see their bond, which is crazy because there's 13 of them yet they are family. Sure, some are closer to each other, but together, they are complete. I like how they never denied their past and always insisted that they are 13 even till today, because I've never heard them say anything but SuJu is a 13-membered group. Like the lyrics of Superman goes, we are initially the 13 stars. I like the light-hearted music they have as well. They bring down my IQ by so much but wtf I love them.

And BTS. Ah. My top eye candy. The group that I watched casually since debut, neglected in 2014 and ing fell hard in 2015. I appreciate their music, their efforts, and their aspirations, and I resonate with a lot of their production. I am pretty much obsessed with them and they are the main group I watch lately (or for like a whole year or so if I am honest). They are a very different case from DBSK & SuJu. I met those two groups at my worse and they picked me up and helped make me who I am. But I met BTS when I'm at my best, really. It's amazing that I get to spend my most beautiful moments in life with them, and they are so worth it. They are also my youngest fandom (largely unexpected as well), and it's amazing because I get to witness them grow and mature, be there at every step, anticipate their future and cheer them on along the way. All these are things that I, regrettably, couldn't do for DBSK and SuJu, because they are a decade older than I am and I can't be a fan since idk 8. I've cried for them twice as of now, once when Hobi cried at his birthday surprise cam, and once when they were doing the finale at HYYH On Stage p2 (like suddenly the feels engulfed me). A notable mention is that as someone who can't appreciate rap, Min Yoongi (and occasionally Hobi) ed me up and I am now trash for Cypher pt3 and Never Mind. I will probably get more attached, but yeah bring it on.

That's about it! A really short reflection, because I don't have much time lately... Internship eats up about all my weekdays, and I have to update my fic on weekends while going out with my friends that I haven't seen in a long time. So far working has been good, I got to interact with so many people that I probably never would if I stayed in school - like it's my legit first time interacting ppl from neighbourhood schools or poly or junior college drop-outs, hearing crazy new things that I never imagined, and learning to work with people that I dislike the style. And of course oogling my extra hot co-worker he is so fly wtf? But he's been trying to set me up with his friend sobs. Either ways XD Congrats BTS!!! <3