...how freaking unpopular i am here(and no, i didn't come to that conclusion from my number of subs/readers...that's not new at all...lol but sth else)...it almost made me cry in pride...or something...lmao. boohoo....hahahah...

wait...that's not really what i wanted to post

curse my spontaneity....type before think and no editing out random thought...bcuz random is better than boring perfected shiets that often come out generic n bland...

anyway...

let's see...

umm...maybe i'll start with posting some music thing?

(so i tried DIA obviously after produce 101...i just liked the little bit i heard from the clip while watching the first ep...i like the song but i still don't get the Jung Chaeyeon hype...she's too dull for my taste...obviously popular for her pretty face that fit the standardized beauty standard there and idk...i mean, it's okay if she's popular for being pretty but to be a top11 and beating so many awesome ones on that merit....hmmm...idk...not like i think highly of the rest of the top 11 anyway to disregard her 'merit' anyway...we all know there are worse one(s) in there....like i said i'm done with this ioi group since none of the ones i like got in anyway lol)....at least the other one in the group...Ki Heehyun show more sass n personality...i could have rooted for her if she's the one who made it maybe...but idk...they're too popular(by default) compared to many underdog trainees in the show for my taste...i really don't like it when competition start on a not fair base....like having celebrities joining a show of people struggling to just debut... but yeah...i like the song...it's nice n the mv look like it could be used for travel CF/promotion...i couldn't focus on the girls cuz the surrounding is too picturesque...haa......surprisingly i prefer the original ver than the acoustic ver though...that's a first...usually i prefer acoustic...but their acoustic was not done....well....i mean, they could've eliminated the annoying unnecessary sounds that would be fine for the original ver and keep it minimal to just vocals for the acoustic but no...the acoustic only change the instruments but other remain so...eh....an unfortunate acoustic i'd say....i had hopes to love it....:(.....anyway, i find that ioi mv reposted to edit out yeunjung due to negative response is utterly ridiculous...an MV would have script n direction...if she acts annoyingly it's obviously her character/role...other groups had done it too...why would anyone think she'd wanna make herself hateable?? lol....tsk,...not that it makes me a fan of her to defend her or something...i still am bitter abt how she gave Kim Juna hard time during their prev mission...Kim Juna is the one who made me even bothered to watch the other clips after i found hers randomly...my first bias from the show before it changed...so this Yeunjung chick annoyed me big time n i still don't like her...but all this hoopla on her attitude in the MV is too ridiculous for me to ignore...)

 

back to business....okaaaayyyyy...

oh...actually...i'm just pissed off....bcuz last night i already came up with a blogpost with very detailed elaboration of my points on what i was going to talk about...but then the computer/internet/whatever crap knows when to mess up and get everything stuck that i had to turn off the computer and poof all went disappeared yay...

and being the random spontaneous me no way i could conjure up the same words/feelings/essence of the post back again...

ugh...i'm so pissed...

i was actually mulling on an idea i know not to pursue or not...

bcuz it involves writing an antiheroin main character(guess who? why my fav current bias of course duh, no surprise, i'm predictable)...one that will put to light the bad/negative/dark side of the character as central focus...and if it had been someone popular...i wouldn't be worried bcuz the readers would 'naturally understand and sympathize with the character' even if it's a ty evil one...any littlest justification on their evilness would immediately be consumed and understood...bcuz people want to understand and find reason to love them n support them since readers don't read entirely as merely reader but also as a fan...whether you admit it or not.

i like delving on the negative/dark side of human...people...nothing too grandeur/dramatic....and i'm inspired by reality and real observations...i like mixing around reality and fictional aspects in a way of blending that often make my readers confused the fictional part as the real thing...i won't be ashamed to admit i kinda have a knack at that, ....confusing people of reality bcuz of how my way of making stories/characters are often dull and not grand enough to be matched to real life events that aren't always as big...or dramatic or grand in any way...as fiction would often portray life...maybe bcuz i'm good at observing these idols characteristics and incorporating them without exaggerating...maybe i just know how to make characters that feel human(even if NOT for all fics...sometimes i let loose n be crazy with my characters n make them totally not human too...depends on my mood)

so i do see dark sides possibilities/assumptions from my own observations of my fav people....no, i'm not the kind of fan who would defend and justify everything blindly cuz my oppar unnir are of course so perfect. no...that's too cringey for me...i'm too realistic for that shiet.

even when i do write their negative side...i don't justify or create any such excuse for any of their bad side...for example in mr.romantic & miss popular....many readers came to love seunga anyway despite how i portrayed her hatred and jealousy...but did i justify her spitefulness towards jihyun in anyway? no. i didn't...she's jealous for the girl's popularity. deal with it or don't. no backstory to make her wrongs right. bcuz that's human. we're not made of entirely cotton candies but that don't make us the ultimate biatches either. we have layers...different sides...depths...or do we all? (cuz i'ma cry on behalf if someone isn't....that be too pitiful...n nothing more annoying than one dimentional characters who only have one side...)

but the thing is...Sooyeon is quite popular within produce 101 fandom to be recognized... but isn't popular enough to be understood/sympathized without any added lame generic justification/defense(or even to make it to top 35...pfft)...people might even mistake whatever negative i write of her as the actual her...and since she's just newbie without strong fanbase...i don't want to contribute to a negative image for her...i can see her possible dark sides...but that doesn't confirm it as her actual bad side since i'm just an outsider observing n assuming...and i'm open minded enough to accept no one is without such side...i just like to use my people observation n analysis n theories as story ideas...which is why my stories are often lame, similar n dull...lol. nothing grandeur or out of the world...i like to write people...human... simply that.

i want to write her antiheroin side bcuz i feel that i can do a good job of it...but i'm scared it'd give unintentional negative impression instead, rather than make her seen as flawed human which isn't a bad thing at all but rather natural, simply put. i'm sorry i'm not the kind of fan who can only write good/pretty sides of people i love...then again...i wish i'm in a bigger fandom...cuz then the dilemma would be easier...since i know the impact would not be as hard...i can write the worst biatch without any justification/redemption...n great possibility is...many would still justify it on my behalf...such is the difference popularity can do...

to do or not to do...

hmm...

i'm torn lol.

 

anyway...have you watched this...?

straight to 2:49 n just die. (or maybe to understand the context of it, you need to watch from...a few secs earlier?)

lol

ugh....MY SHIP!!!! eversince 24 hours recording...n seeing how the the dj always brighten up at anything hwang auntiemaknae...

(cmon even the guy outside the recording studio in this vid's background look like he ship them too hahaha...)

and i won't be surprised one bit if they're already dating and that's just one way to make it public very vaguely...haha...let me live in my delusional land...lalala...

will someone do a fic for them or will i have to do it too?

mine will be dull as usual though...i don't have much idea at the moment n i'm not some oh so great writer too...i just ship them...xD

and i have no problems abandoning my current fics anyway....feelings...they are fluid...not stagnant...that's the excuse i will use for all my incompleted works...n you can't expect me to continue write for responsibility sake...cuz i'm not paid or rewarded in any way for this so it's not a 'responsibility'...i write for love and love is feeling n feeling is fluid...not stagnant...haa.

fanfic ideas oh fanfic ideas...

they come too fast n i'm too greedy to let them go even if i know i have no time at all for them...

come to me come to me...no....maybe don't...

or maybe it's too late to wish for anything...

what will be will be.

what will not, will not.

we'll see... ;)