Hello. a new blogpost in a longwhile. 

So...this is about my recent problem...i just want to ramble and mull over this in this beautiful place where i can write as much as i want haa.

So i shared a little bout this in my yt previously, but since it would be out of place to just continue here without context, guess i need to start again briefly at least...(get ready with popcorns or whatever if you intend to continue reading, i don't do short post)

Since i'm going to talk bout the context, might as well start from where it really started but not really started.

So...a few years back Road to Kingdom aired...i remember at the time, i watched to pass time while waiting for new Good Girl episode which was airing at the same period of time. I also knew The Boyz is in RTK, and i was obsessed with Reveal at that time though i didn't really follow the group or anything so i decided to watch it. Best decision ever as it's definitely one of the best if not the best show of that kind. and all the underdog groups(well, maybe almost all) endeared themselves to me.i was sure i would end up stanning a group or two. i had some candidates: The Boyz (strongest candidate, with their out of the world creative stages and just exciting and always shocking in every way, if it's all live would've been perfect, but their level of stages were the kind that's probly impossible to perform live), there's Golden Child (never really listened to them prior to the show but Jangjun shined so brightly on the show i wanted to check them out just for him, ....actually no, not just him...because their stages were so minimalistic compared to other groups...but still, their stages just...still stand out so much to me...and the fact that they chose Shinhwa for their 'king' during king song round, just get extra points from me, only legends recognize legends. they sound really good and their stages were just so elegant and classy...it still saddens me they didn't get the result they deserved. and there's TOO(later became TO1), who was the newbie group freshly debuted, but quickly learned from the seniors and end up dishing some of the more memorable and impactful stages with charisma that could beat half the seniors at least, again i'd prefer live but i can understand for that kinda show and they were on the show while actively promoting for their debut promo...and ONF was...very entertaining and definitely up there in terms of talents but something didn't quite click...so they're right in the middle....Pentagon...i see the direction they're going for to show how talented they're but it kinda went the tryhard territory for me, could've been more subtle in selling that image, if they're talented, people would still see it, and they are...it's just...hmm...yeah, i do respect them for choosing Block B as their king instead of some cliche bigger names, though it's a double edge sword since Block B has the kinda vibe n energy that is very specifically them n it's not easy to cover their song without falling short(unless you really make it waaayyyy different like the female vocalist team in The Unit did when they chose to cover Jackpot, i'm biased tho...i love Yeoeun) and Pentagon's 'talented arc' on rtk focused wayyy too much on one member even if we still get to see other members doimg this n that as well, Oneus & Verivery imo were the two weakest contestants...Oneus depended toooo much on concepts and kinda always fade into the background of their concepts, and Verivery just lacked in showing their identity/personality n what's special about them other than their synchronized dancing...however, i do commend Verivery for making some choices that not all were the best choices in such competition, but at least it's something other groups didn't dare do n their boldness or lack of sense in making some choices really brought something different to the show that otherwise would be very predictable. like choosing bright concept for both king song round and their finale with Beautiful X(which was my fav out of the five new songs btw...dark/serious concepts are sooo cliche) and choosing a B side to perform during My Song round...i wished TOO had done the same and performed Don't Fear Now rather than perform Magnolia twice, such missed opportunity. and Oneus definitely won for the most endearing, humble and amiable personality on the show...it's impossible to dislike them for how they carried themselves. But i strongly remain my stance that TOO & Golden Child deserved the spots in finale way more than Verivery and Oneus. my opinion of course.

Anyway, after the show, The Boyz just got lost in the mountains for me, they started releasing songs i just don't vibe with at all when prior to the show...i liked almost all their title tracks that i know of, so i didn't end up stanning them afterall. Golden Child - tried their comeback after the show...it didn't click with me so i just stopped there. and TOO, or TO1...became the group i chose and i bought an album which is my way of officiating having the group as my group...and as a small way to support.

Until the management decided to casually kicked out three members in a group made of survival show winners, and replaced them with members from a completely different survival show....probably to change the group's image since the three kicked members seemed to have the cuter/softer image and often did girlgroup covers between themselves and they're called TOOwice among the members. so too much coincidence to be a coincidence....not even an explanation, just pure shietty and disrespectful move so i decided to stop caring bout the group even though my fav member was saved despite being pushed back and often getting one line towards the end even though he could sing. it's a shame, because i like a lot of songs from their first 2-3 mini albums...but after the member change(actually, even started right before it) they went the generic boygroup sound at the time....ugh...shietty management ruined such a highly potential group.

I did checked out some ONF since i kinda like what i heard on the show(they;re the only group that actually squeezed in/incorporated their own songs in like every stages on RTK, so i already had previews of several songs), but to my surprise, the full songs just didn't do it for me mostly...and their music just felt too busy/complex for me...so that's it.

so after that, that's the end of my story with Road to Kingdom groups.

Until recently, when i saw some comments here and there talking bout how ONF's new comeback Bye My Monster sounded like 2nd gen song...now that kinda piqued my interest....i'm already so sick of the blandness of 5th gen though 4th gen ain't all that too...at least there's some groups i liked like TO1 and CLASS:y(insanely talented girlgroup with super solid live vocals and probly the best dancer ever but again...failed management)

and...Bye My Monster -

i love it. this is not their most common vibe for title songs tbh. so you might want to try a few other songs at least. well, honestly i'm not sure if it's my usual style of song but it definitely stands out and shines soo soo bright in today's kpop.and about 2nd gen, it doesn't just sound like a 2nd gen song, it actually sound like it could pass as a very good quality 2nd gen song. and some elements in the song just is major impressive and mysteriously magical. so i started watching their stages for the song(glad it did have 1 music show win though honestly, they deserved so much more especially from mainstream music shows, such a missed opportunities for more high quality encore stages). i love the live stages even more and their live vocals and performance needless to say, are top notch too but what caught my attention even more is how they perform with not only such passion but also with a sheer sense of desperation, which might be understandable if they're a rookie, but we're talking about a senior group here...and that made them feel more earnest than any idol who just try to look cool. it made me want to do something i can to appreciate such earnestness. .so i tried their Bsides in the album, which at first i only liked the ballad which is also ethereal, and ok with another song i think, but somehow i started wanting to get to know their music more and just give it another chance even though normally i would never waste my time for such thing if i don't get hooked on first try. while youtube kept playing random suggested songs from their various albums...i found a few songs i instantly got obsessed with from the lot that didn't stick from first listen.

And before i knew it...i've ordered their albums. the latest one Beautiful Shadow, and like...2 past albums. the problem is...i did something i have never done in my almost 2 decades of being into kpop, not even to my groups, and ONF is for me, still a group i believe i'm not completely sure about, And yet, yet...for the first time...i bought all versions of the same album...which is sth i would never do...and had never done...to have multiple copies of albums with exactly same tracks...now that's just unnatural and just not me. it's like i'm losing my sense of self control and rationality.

 

Honestly...this group is scaring me so much. they're currently the biggest problem/threat to my bank account -_-; and just as much threat to my depreciating self control. i think i can show how serious this problem has become when my 2nd batch of albums arrive...yes, for how many i already got, there's a 2nd batch and if things get more absurd, maybe even a 3rd(i feel like this is highly possible...i'm scared of the sale day now but i'm also impatiently waiting)...which would be overindulging since i already got everything i can/need and more. is the problem this group or my sudden urge to spend...and they just appear at the right time? but there are many other things if i just want to spend....T^T....idk....

Like i said, most of their past title tracks aren't even the kinda songs i would naturally give a second listen to, since on 1st listen they're not my kinda vibe - even if i like some parts, their songs are always a mashup/whiplash of so many elements blended and interlaced together...it's kinda wild n overwhelming for me...some parts that i don't like might ruin the chances created by parts i like in a song n that means enough. and when i don't like title track, i normally have no reason to listen to Bsides, but with this group...even when i don't like the song i couldn't say it's bad since nothing about their sounds feels mediocre, cheap, subpar, cliche, lowquality or worse unlike most songs i dislike, it's just their songs feels too extravagantly out there n at times weirdly placed together for my simpler(but not bland like today's kpop)taste. in fact, the more i listen to them, the more the quality in production n just the whole thing stands out that it feels like i need the album for collection or whatever once i find one song i fairly like on first listen on the album. For example, in one album in the coming 2nd batch, i wasn't drawn to the title track at all but then last minute i decided to try the Bsides for that album which initially i didn't intend to check out since i really wasn't feeling the title song, but one try and 3 Bsides from the album were just wow that i immediately knew i needed to have the album,...and from another album, there's another past title track i've been listening now, which is also so not my style with all the loud chanting n some really bizarre elements albeit the pretty cool sound...one listen was enough to decide it's a no, but while doing my online shopping i gave it another try alongside the Bsides to decide whether to put it in 2nd batch n when i saw the lyrics...i was suddenly completely drawn to it since it feels like something i can currently relate to and now i'm listening to it on repeat n actually loving it? what..?... truthfully, so many things didn't make sense about how this group's music is affecting me especially with how many of the first impression just left me indifferent. and worse, normally i wouldn't be so generous for 2nd try after such first impression, or be so impatient to come to the ultimate decision - to buy or not, now. normally i give myself time to come to my senses n back out.unless i really like the group or at least any certain member but seems not the case here. do you feel all my inner chaos here? i feel like i need help but i don't know if i want it either.(that sounds so wrong/scary/evil T^T)

anyway, those are some of the stories for the past albums that will be here soon in my 2nd batch of splurging on this group. there are some scarier decision i made in the 2nd batch but i think i need to show it to really explain how scary it is...what is wrong with me T^T...i'm scared of myself now...

maybe i should just take it as some 'self reward' for whatever reason? since i usually just spend on food, bills n necessities. yeah, i guess to make myself feel better...i can do that. but what if one day i wake up and come to my senses and regret and wondered why the heck did i buy so many albums of this group? i think such wouldn't have been the risk if i buy the album after really feel sure that i love this group that much so i want to support them. but what i've been doing feels very on a whim, instinctively. i'm not that kind of buyer unless....say if i go to korea and go to a music store...i might buy on instinct based on the mood...but...i still wouldn't buy that many albums from an idol i'm not sure of whether i even am stanning or just casually listening to and is in an obsessed phase.

now...let me just share pics of 1st batch...my first absurd decision in my rather used to be-controlled kpop-buying life. with how things are going, i need to pray hard that this group will be my graduation of kpop, otherwise i'm in deep trouble. not only for the money but...how will i find a storage place big enough to hide all these impulse purchases...don't think my old trusty box of albums will be enough.

anyway, on to the fun part in kpop albums haa,...the random pulls(it's extra fun when you're not strongly biased for a member n generally like n appreciate everyone).

 

i got so many of a few members which i don't mind at all but when i get too many of same member in same album version...cmon now....can i have some variety? >< and for 2 members i got only 1 each from overall albums? a little sad but at least not 0. also for the 2 older albums, it took me like 10 minutes to be able to tell whose pics some of those are...since the styling(or the time difference) obviously made some of them look very different to me or i just still don't know them well enough to be able to tell whose who with different stylings, after like 10 minutes only i realize there were names on the back of photocards from Spin Off n i guessed wrong..yikes...my bad, the members actually don't look alike, i just don't feel confident to tell unless it's a group pic...and some of the concepts/lore of the group- those barcodes, serial numbers, those own currency, own new world n whatnot...not gonna lie, kinda disturbing n seems their whole concept kinda built from those elements....i have one word but i don't wanna mention it here, if you know me, you probly know what i'm thinking. it was one of the thing that made me, not consider them in the first place during RTK...but now we're here....in the end, it's this group i ended up wanting to support.

By the way, the quality of the photobook/album for Beautiful Shadow is significantly way higher than the other albums i bought, that i was so scared of ruining it. but for the quality of material and all, definitely worth the money. just sayin.

am i already at a stan level? or is this normal for a new, reluctant casual fan? because i think at this rate, i am going to have more of their albums than even my groups when i could have just listen for free. so many questions for myself in my head i have no answer for. oh well, just gonna enjoy the ride i guess. and if i regret, well, nothing left to do than just regret and move on. but with how things are now, i sure hope it won't end up that way.

Alright, done, for now. my problem. my bank account's problem. my lessening space for hidden stash problem. just a whole mess of a problem while i happily keep buying...wth...what sorcery is this...-_-....

See you in part 2, when my 2nd batch arrives maybe. let's hope there's no story on 3rd batch. 

 

ps: do try them out if you haven't. when their music isn't bizzare in all out there-ness and grandeur, the music tends to be just beautiful, it helps that they have the vocals to do justice and a lil more to the music...i don't listen to most boygroups(well, girlgroups too) at all in the past decade since whenever i give a try i'm just left meh...but this group definitely has something special...most importantly they're not a 'trendy' group but one that does their own thing...okay at this rate i'm probly going to end up overly hyping them up since i'm writing this while listening to a beautiful song from an album that's going to be in my 2nd batch(impatiently waiting)