^ let's start with this song cuz...love it...

 

1. so i just found out there's such a thing as 'blog subscription'...and found a sub on one of my old post from like 5 years back...and my...that was embarassing...i know what i post nowadays might be more embarassingly shallow and nothing much...but it's better than exposing my darkest thoughts at my lowest point in life(up till then, since then there's been another worst time)...heh. of course, it's 'good' to let things out but...now i can't imagine letting anyone i know see it even though this site has no one like that, but...better be safe than sorry...but idk why it's so damn hard for me to delete my own posts/stories/videos/whatnot...the only thing i could do for now is to make it draft....idek why i couldn't just delete it...it's not like something that i'd be happy to go back in the future to reread....ugh....maybe i should and can do it. just delete. hmm...

i never realized there was such dark thoughts at that point...i mean, i guess now i'm better at distracting myself...while distraction is not always good as it makes you avoid the issue...it does its work well, it makes you happy or at least content. sometimes, maybe it's better not to get deep with your own inner thoughts. which has always been a problem for me. and by that, i mean real problem, not the kinda problem i've been talking bout in my previous 2 posts...lol. though of course, overspending for things you're unsure of is a serious issue as well....especially when you continue to feel unsure and continue to have the desire to buy even more...

 

2. i used to love blogwalking...just going around to read what people have to write about....sometimes abt their fics, sometimes about their idols, sometimes about their life, sometimes some fun stuffs you can participate/gain from, just whatever...seriously, it's not easy to find fics that can satisfy me enough to want to read them, but blogs...are fun quick reads and can even be more diverse and intriguing than many fics. but nowadays everywhere i only ever see roleplay blogs or people asking to find this and that fic, even the featured fics are always of same few idols/pairings....like....where have the fun stuff to read gone...i wonder if aff will ever go back to its glory days...as someone who have spent all those fond memories and years here, i truly wish for the good days would come back even if many things have changed in that irreversible way

ps: right at the moment after i typed this, i checked the recent blogs and suddenly there's some variety to prove me wrong lmao. ok. hope it continues this way...

 

3. okay, i promised a part 2 for story of my problem, i mean, the first problem since now i have more...lol.

i decided just to just compile it in this post rather than make another post for it...cuz why not.

The fun shallow stuffs. 2nd batch of my monstrous confused impulse shopping >< ..

you know the crazy thing? i feel bad to say this but i relistened to Love Effect album n i don't even remember which song made me buy it and all 3 versions at that, i don't think any song really won me in this album(but the photobooks are definitely very high quality, akin to Beautiful Shadow quality...there are some cute inclusions including medical cert of random members? lmao that's cheesy af hahahah but i love me some cheesy, photobook wise, especially love the 'Love' version as it's in full black and white and blue...just pretty and classy n refreshing).

at least for Goosebumps, the title track that i didn't like at first turned the tables when i relistened and read the lyrics n i suddenly loved it n i did like some Bsides. as for Popping, i was sure i wouldn't buy this since i simply don't like Popping. and for some reason i didn't even try the other songs from the album, maybe i did try one that sounded too much like some exo song n i'm like yeah no thanks. but right at the last minute before my shopping session ended, i realized i hadn't tried the other 3 songs with 'Summer' in the titles(Summer Poem/Summer Shape/Summer End)....and turned out i really looove all 3 songs so i needed to buy Popping. and that's the story. (i probably would've bought more but i planned my shopping batches according to optimising the discount coupons during sale day so...i'm out of it)

^ sharing an onf vid for once since i realized i probly rarely share their vids despite talking bout them nonstop lately. and as someone who normally find relay dance boring, this is just so hilarious...with all the awkward lipsync attempts they didn't need to do(honestly they would do wayy better singing live than lipsync)...all the confusion and chaos, how some of them looked just embarrassed/awkward n like trying not to laugh....have to say the awkward expressions are what make it the funniest imo...definitely a 'senior group' vibe there lol.

 

ONF remains the strangest group in my life, as i am driven to buy albums of groups i love for the members or fell in love with the music, or better, both. this group however, feels like a group whose albums i would want to buy just because i know they're good musically and vocally, objectively. and probly i want to find some validation for my taste or...idk what else could be the possible reason cuz truly, their music generally isn't even naturally my taste if i am being honest though i do like Bye My Monster a lot which i suspect due to how bland kpop these days are but for many songs, it feels like i'm always training myself to appreciate the song and keep listening to them even when they didn't catch my interest at first listen, and i never really get to know the members enough to feel attached though i definitely know a few things bout them. if i can describe it, i guess the group is very much musically flamboyant and showy in musical production probly thanks to having consistent producing team n members talented enough to carry out all the crazy/grand musical visions depicted in the song production. but that can be a double edged sword depending on how much you like the production/composing team besides the members. for me, i don't need a complex/flamboyant/showy music catalogue, i do loved composer like Sweetune though who can compose for many groups but have the groups having their own different style like Nine Muses/KARA/Rainbow(though just A and Mach), and i despise composer who rehash the same sound for diff groups like bravebros which unfortunately affected ZE:A music especially title tracks though thankfully they have some awesome Bsides. ONF, musically is rock solid consistent, having almost exclusively working with Monotree, but i guess it made me realize monotree isn't much of my style.... - until i realized/remember that Monotree was created from part of Sweetune team though obviously not the core composers from Sweetune, and they also apparently produced TO1's Take It Slow which i lovedtodeath(refer video below for some info) and even a bunch of Stellar songs i actually liked despite the group's controversial image n exploitation. but also some songs i hated from TO1...so i guess i will never truly love a producer/composer especially when it involves a team since even composer who make songs i love can also make songs i hate lol...but i guess singer songwriter has an edge in being more consistent...but of course not all of them. but anyway, back to onf despite my continued confusion n indifference, i can't seem to stop wanting to buy their albums. i have asked myself 'why' many times...i haven't found the answer but i keep wanting to buy more n that's kinda scary, no? 

 

^ feeling generous so have another video, this time...one of my fav songs from them...chose this one for the funny authentic moment where a member messed up his part slightly and got shook and everyone just stifled laughter into their mics lmao...and they tried sabotaging another member but despite all the unseriousness and self sabotage attempts they failed to sound bad...that's how you know they're good.

actually when i heard the song and instantly fell for it, i thought it reminded me a little of TO1's Take It Slow which i also instantly fell in love with, though it doesn't sound similar (turn out Take It Slow had involvement of same 2 composers/writers from Monotree and both also have members' involvement in lyrics), no wonder both have the same fluffy vibes that i love haha, kinda sad that the members that shine the most in this song imo, are the ones that got kicked out by their shietty agency for no valid reason/explanation.

Speaking of TO1, one 'good' thing that came out of this, i feel like thanks to my continuous confusion with onf, i found myself reevaluating groups i love, and i'm getting back into TO1 after falling out when they have the 3 members kicked out, but i still can only love them up until the last comeback with original members. i can't help that one. i can't force myself to love n care for those i really don't. but following their ig, i realize how good i am at choosing best biases. Jisu is the only member who follows both the new members n the kicked out members(besides Woonggi who seems to follow n is followed by none other members n Chihoon who i couldn't find but as far as i know he wasn't kicked out, Jerome also followed none exmembers but Jisu n Minsu follow him)...Jisu is seriously a real one, n Minsu follows Jaeyun/Jisu/Jerome/Jyou(who's now in military...wait, just realized minsu is also in military now)...i'm just happy my underdogs jisu n minsu at least seems to be on good terms enough, and minsu recently liked jisu's dance video post too...and yknowwhat...i should stop exposing my creepystalker self. haa. 

Also guys, i wonder if i was indirectly led back to TO1 due to some things that hinted they're always meant to be my favs(silly i know but hear me out)

my 2 ult groups Battle and ZE:A both have song called Step by Step, and guess who's another group i listen to that has song with same name? yeah, TO1 also has Step by Step and i actually prefer theirs over Battle's and ZE:A's. though Jisu probly got the worst line distribution here, actually even in Take It Slow...ugh...my fav member getting worst lines in my fav songs...-_-

Battle and ZE:A both have their names in their fandom names: Battle Destiny and ZE:A'Style (actually even my first group, Shinhwa - Shinhwachangjo) and TO1 or formerly TOO's fandom is TOOgether(well, technically it's no longer same but it used to be the same situation

Only different thing is, Battle and ZE:A both also have same fandom colour: pearl gold, this is where TO1 differs...

^ Performance clip from their predebut survival show: presenting main dancer lead vocals Choi Jisu...for once not his usual 2 short lines and center in random parts when he's not in focus...but center and singing part in chorus and even all the adlibs done by him though woonggi and hanjun(maybe even jerome) probly have more parts and screentime...and when Hanjun turned Jisu to face the front right before chorus starts...that's quite a moment of highlight for me at least. haa...i just don't like how they kept having Woonggi on the floor like he's a kid. i'm just glad everytime Jisu did not get grouped with 'the chosen popular members' since this show was horribly obvious in pushing their biased members, even more obvious than those produce shows which i thought was obvious enough with the editing chosen for their fave they wanted to push for debut but people still got fooled...

Actually...lemme share another one

^ while their dance relay wasn't as funny as onf other than the behind the scene parts at the end which is where we get the cutesiness and funny dose...wish it's for the entire thing ><, anyway, finally Jisu shining and we get to see him clearer than on stages where he's often dance so enthusiastically that even when the camera goes to him for a second, he's not seen...and he still has little parts but probably his voice suits this song soooo much that it doesn't seem so...if people say step by step is kyungho's song then i would say surf is jisu's song, the song is totally for his voice, how nice it would be if he would do a solo cover of it...yeah i can dream. anyway, this is probably the most i had seen him in the center especially for main parts like chorus..notice how everyone went back to wait for their next turn but one time Jisu didn't go back and waited on the side to reappear on final chorus, the production ppl probly instructed him to do that cuz normally he's not the kind to do things out of order for attention.

ps: seems that kard is coming back. i've said how i've been out of love with their recent stuffs, interested to see if this comeback will bring back the love or solidify and sealed my recent indifference...i remember liking ring the alarm for the music but didn't buy the album cuz my fav members' styling were...not my fav, lol. i'm just tired by how this group seems to perceive 'mature' in the most shallow n imo not really mature way...i mean thinking mature = more sxual and explicit lyrics and choreo is like a child's interpretation of mature after watching too many tv or whatnot....like the majority of fanfics...yikes...at least that's my take on people who sees 'mature' in such specific confined way, n it's kinda cringe too. for me, mature music is like....Nine Muses' Living Person....i remember the lyrics just impressed me with how calm and mature and grounded it was....maybe i'm just too old to perceive mature in the typical mainstream kpop way...

 

Okay, let's end this with something overwhelmingly heartwarming shall we?

^ lemme just copy what i wrote in my yt post here: 

out of all the fan songs in kpop...this has to be one of the most emotional...for some reason...i don't even have to understand the lyrics yet everytime i watch this, there's no way to get through without crying a little. Jaehyun's intense expressions...you just know that kid was trying really hard to not cry, and he's so happy hearing the fans and to do his little rappingT^T, will always wait for vocalist Jaehyun>< and that smile is everything, Jaehyun is just love, you hear me?, and Hun's laughter when he realized the fans were singing along to the chorus the first time around, and that guy rarely emotes so you know how real that moment was(i think this was during covid n the fans sent recording of their singing to the agency or sth for this live to surprise the members) n did Hun took his earpiece out from time to time to listen to the fans singing? my 2idiots so precious ><(i love how 2idiots got the whole 2nd verse to themselves) and they let Dongsung as the new guy at this time to sing the line that addresses N.fia's as his own...how adorable is that, Hweseung n Seunghyub bringing the top vocals as always, Hweseung's little turn around to make way for Jaehyun's rap part, and Seunghyub couldn't even bother to hide how proud he felt especially towards the end when the fans were doing all the singing and the vocalists just did backup vocals n adlibs, just love how everyone gets to sing/rap in this song, and i feel like Seunghyub purposely didn't rap so that Jaehyun could shine with his rap, i feel like there's so much care even in part distribution. this is probly best fansong ever....just goosebumps everytime.

i probably have watched this at least 10-20 times within these 2 days.

Happy Belated 9th Anniversary, N.Flying (20th May 2015)