first off...i think my previous post about fanfic=romance has created some mm...misunderstanding?

i see many vague reactions not in the reply section but in other posts where people clarifying how they don't write/have that much interest in romance...and for some reason i feel like it's a response to my outburst...(i know, how dare she be so selfcentered...omg does the world revolves around her? unfortunately...)

but then again...i won't blame anyone...i'm never a pro at expressing accurately what i am with words...if you take me at my word value...you'll be lost...the only ones who can tell what i really am are the super-smart ones who can read between the lines...and i like you smart people...you rare creatures...:p

anyway, enough of self centered intro(though why you care if MY blogpost is self centered...who else should it be centered over?)

i don't hate romance. i don't look down on romance.

what i hate is people's pretentiousness n sameness and how romance is portrayed/masked whether in writing or in their description/definition/interpretation of it...

deep? don't even try to understand...

like for certain fandoms how people only find it cool/acceptable/relevant to write same gender romance...between the group members...even in produce 101...(the fandom i often look into lately)...all stories would be romance of a certain few same girls...

and in ZE:A(another fandom i used to look into a lot)...it's all the popular couplings like SiKwang...or Dongjun with any girl....or Junyoung with girl....but Kwanghee needs to be gay(preferably with Siwan) or your fic ....like???

and in Shinhwa fandom here..it's even more notorious i simply give up on even checking out anymore...bcuz it's always the same fixed 2-3 pairings...hardly a freaking variety. 

i know what you call those pattern....OTP rite?

but i call them....stereotypes...and that doesn't sound like a pretty word, does it?

i know it's up to you to write who you like with who...but it's almost as if...if you write something out of the standardized stereotyped couplings....your fics be worthless...even if you write the same fandom...i'm just whining bcuz i can...i can be frustrated with what i see n how people choose to see can't i? i'm not asking them to change....i'm just expressing my dissatisfaction....is that so wrong?

in fact...the aftermath of my previous post where i keep coming across people saying they don't like/write romance...that's the very thing i was complaining about in the post actually...it's just that i'm bad at articulating my points...i wish my english is better...but hey...for a non native who looks like she can't even speak one english sentence to save her life in the eyes of all people she met all her life...i think i'm pretty decent...

what is wrong with romance?

i know i want to fight romance...but only because of how it seems like people can't live without the stereotyped romances...i'm all for romance(okay maybe not that all for it but you get me? oh no....you don't...T^T)...more than fighting romance...i want to fight stereotypes....bcuz stereotypes suffocate me so bad...

for me..romance has a lot to do with feelings(sorry that i'm such a ooey gooey romantic at heart despite being a heartless emotionless objective person most time even in real life)...if you do romance just for the sake of romance...i would rather not...you know what's great about writing romance? feeling more than you can handle...more than you should....feeling as the characters...not for the sake of needing to feel it...but because you can't help but feel it...just like romance...love....i can only write romance when i feel it deeply...it's not merely wanting to pair up two attractive people...lately, my romance writing is lacking n dull because i feel that i don't feel enough because maybe it wasn't the focus i want to bring into the fic....

the stereotypes are always boyXboy or girlXgirl or boy idolXfemale oc or popular otps male-female....that's why...i wrote my oc stories...where i pair up OCs...that's why i write male-female idol pairings that aren't too mainstream...and even when i write same gender pairings...it'd be lesser mainstream ones that i happen to like....following trend is boring...but apparently....i'm deemed boring for not following trend...boohoo...if i want attention n love purely from readers....i would've write all the popular stuffs disregarding what i want from the get go...oh come on...i've seen fanfics for a decade...would i be that naive to not know basic things and be sad n shocked bcuz people don't like the unpopular stuffs i do? i already foresee that part....people are predictable....and i predict well....lol.

now seeing all the 'not into romance' trends...

i want to write romance /evil grin/ hahaha....but not for merely for the sake of it(okay..a certain percentage does come from the desire to fight trends n sterotypes)...the progression has to happen naturally...in my heart....(barf)...so i can't jump hastily into it...although i don't think i need to start any new fics for that...romance is the easiest element to bring into any story but definitely not an easy element to be made awesome....you'll be complaining it ain't cool...but you'll easily get into it....it's just the norm of it...of course...execution plays the biggest role imo...even stories claimed as greatest love stories can come out yawnfest for me if it doesn't make me feel for the characters' feelings...genuineness is the most important...bcuz romance is all about feels n not any intelligent ideas....so it'll come when it comes...naturally...

romance is interesting...i don't hate it...i only hate our tired sterotyped takes on it...it can be cooler than any no romance...if you can make it cool...the genre is not at fault if it come out boring....it's our own inability to make it not boring....

we always blame the market blame the readers blame the all other factors...

but writers...you have more power than you act like you have...but only if you want to own it...

even when ppl complaint that they hate OCs cuz OCs are mary sue....well, it's only bcuz you as author make them mary sue...they're not anything until you write them...then they become whatever you made them into. so why blame the sterotype when you're teh one who choose to fall into n join the stereotype?

 

phew...one thing's done.

on to the next...

do you realize how everything can be explained/justified by two opposing extremes?

logics can be so far more messed up than you ever think...

because of possibilies. (and how flexible your mind is in disgesting the vast possibilities tbh)

i think...the mind is dangerous...eversince my mind have become so expanded at seeing things from a million perspectives...and things become more predictable....i feel like i'm becoming more prone/weak to danger that can mess up my mind from the right path...strength doesn't come without weakness don't you think...

which is why i always pray to be average...in everything...no big money...not big status...or big indulgence of life...because they come with the other side i'm not sure if i can handle...and would rather not...being average happy, average rich, average respected...is much more relieving...

but sometimes that's the hardest thing to get...averageness...things are always either really good or really bad...when something spectacularly great hit me...i feel fear....at the thought of horridness that would come as the pair of that greatness...what if the horrid thing is the one i want to avoid at all cost? more than i'd like to own the greatness?

life.

it doesn't go the way you want. even when what you want is merely averageness.

lol.

pathetic i am.

you don't understand? lemme give you an example....based on real life conversation...there's this orange coloured stuffed toy/pillow my sis bought and said there's a lot more of this colour sold...i told her it's cuz nobody want this colour n it's not popular at all(i didn't really mean it...just to taunt her since that's how we play lol)...and she, not wanting to lose, said that 'no, it's cuz it's so popular so they had to sell more of these and order more from dealers)....

did you realize that both statements can make so much darn sense when they're both talking the opposite possibilities?

it's eversince this conversation n the realization of amazingness of possibilities that i feel my mind become stretched and more aware and willing to accept so much more possibilities...they're far more powerful than facts that are often faked....overrated...just to empower an opinion...

but people are so annoying/frustrating..they only ever want to see everything from limited biased pov....and proud of it more often....ugh...facts? facts your ...

like how in produce 101...(can i use all examples from this show since i spent so much time watching the show////no thanks hwang soo yeon no thanks)

i keep seeing so many people say Yoon Seohyung faking her highnotes messup bcuz she wants attention and bcuz she's a musical actress n cuz she's a great singer...but when Kim Sejung messup after doing greatly n knetz pointed out the fakeness....all i see from international fans are...'those things happen when you're nervous...ppl just want to bring down poor sejungieee'....okay so Kim Sejung can be nervous but Yoon Seohyung can't?

bull.

then people barking that there should be no benefit of extra votes...when Kang Sira got it and caused her to be saved and caused another popular trainee to be out and another popular trainee to drop rank so greatly that people were whining so much even though she's still saved n isn't even that oustandingly talented or anything...the thing is...i didn't see as much uproar on benefits before this when popular girls won them....like whaaaat? so benefit is only bad when underdogs win it and caused impact on topdogs but when topdogs win it...it doesn't worth any complaint cuz they're meant to be there anyway....? 

pathetic. (isn't that even the point of benefit?)

and when Kim Sejung recruit all the D & F girls in her team...it's because 'she wants them to let them shine'....while when Lee Haein had the same variety of D & F in her team...she's just some selfish scheming fox who want attention all on her...oh...so there's only possibilities for badness from Haein but it's impossible for Sejung to have any such ulterior motive too cuz you don't see any of it from watching the show? why else would she chose Sohye if not to make her shine? oh to be the holy one bcuz Sohye reminded her of herself? that's crafty one. but no, nobody would consider that possibility cuz GOD Sejung rite? 

dumb double standard.

anyway...watching this show also opened my eyes to things never mentioned by any fans of popular girls...i keep finding their cocky moments especially during the debut song battle...where there's always instance of underdog team vs topdog team so since i've been watching these episodes 3 n 4...i'll just talk about it....as usual...underdog teams win my heart...like Miss A-Bad Girl Good Girl teams...the topdog team made me so uncomfortable...while the underdog team the topdogs laughed at, touched my heart with their hardwork n diligence.... and i also notice popular girls get easy votes for nothing that i feel so bad for underdog girls who did so good and still received no reward for it in return...for Apink's team battle Hwang Ayoung did good but she's against Park Siyeon so the difference in votes was a landslide...no hate for Siyeon..i find her one of the more likable topdogs so far, also the fact that she helped Ayoung during her rapmaking...not enough to make me a fan but enough to make me disregard her for any hatelist...lol. but i still feel sad that popularity can make people disregard everything else. Anyway, Hwang Ayoung seems like such a bright happy kid n matured enough to feel down on her own ability over the loss but she seriously is the cutest thing ever if not for theexistence of Han Hyeri to be a strong challenger...i do think aside from features, Ayoung is more aegyofied tbh. i don't like this Kang Mina girl...never get a good vibe from her every time i see her teams...n the way she was adamant on keeping the center position with her eyesmile...scares me...poor Lee Suhyun the leader...seems like she's just a leader by name...probly just due to age...as for the Sistar-PushPush team...i know many people hate Jeon Soyeon...but i don't find her that bad...she has the mindset that i would expect from people coming into this kinda competition n she make efforts for it...the other team was more confident that they'd be better cuz they have more iness than cuteness...i don't like some of Kim Chungha remarks...typical topdog mindset that underestimate their competition...but i feel kinda bad for Ahn Yumi who thought she's bringing down the team since she's the one who got scolded...but instead of whining n crying she keep practicing while other girls are all content on their level...bleh...it's so sweet to see the underdog 'not y enough cutesy' team won...n so refreshing to see Ahn Yumi got more points than Kim Chungha...haa...that's one for overconfidence...though sad that she's eliminated early anyway...well...it's popularity contest n people are lame anyway....what do you expect? unknown underdogs rise to the top? no freaking way. doesn't happen in real world. For 2ne1-Fire teams...surprisingly this time...i find myself liking underdog team...i'm saying surprisingly bcuz before this...i naturally lean towards Kim Juna's team since i like her. but the other team was evidently better...i mean...not only the main vocals is Kim Yeonkyung who i'd say is on par with Kim Juna vocal wise in this perf. then there's Lee Soomin whom i never really notice much but she's the A-member and she accidentally picked someone who looked like rapper to her but was actually a vocalist...so in the end her team had no rapper and knowing she made that mess, she own up to it and stepped forward as the rapper n actually did amazingly,i think she deserve to be my fav from Fantagio(wait she's from that comp isn't she?) though i really have no favs from that comp...and then there's Niwa Shiori who did some amazing spontaneous splits or whatever...i can't accept that she's super unpopular when she's decent at the least...she can sing stable while doing her moves. people are so damn shallow and lame i swear....Kim Yeonkyung has been on my observe-list eversince My Best performance where everyone only noticed Kang Sira while i end up noticing the other four Kang Sira's backup singers...huh...am i the only one who think Lee Soomin actually did better than Park Soyeon in the opening raps? naturally Kim Juna got way more votes than Yeonkyung cuz she's more popular...it's pathetic that the margin between the winning n losing teams were so high...bcuz if anything the losing team did much better overall. But i do love and adore how Kim Juna always own up to her own lacking n try to improve rather than crying over it... SNSD-Into the New World...is another battle that shows the ugliness of topdogs...evil editing or not...but i really feel Chaekyung did amazing as the center with her bright smiles and energy...she definitely stand out more than the other team's center who's so dull i can't even...but actually this underdog team brought my discovery of Park Haeyoung...i never noticed she's in this team...but dang..her vocal colour is so refreshing...amidst all the sweet voices...i think i'm going to be her fan...n her little dance break session is cool too...the other team though...even though it's kinda disgusting that everyone treating Somi like a prized posession that could be their shield...it turns out to be truth bcuz fans are predictable...Somi's part wasn't even anything worth of so much attention...she got it all on her popularity(actually many who got over 100 individual votes all got it based on popularity alone) while people like Hwang Sooyeon n Yoo Yeonjung are an actual example of someone whose performance made that much impact to earn them attention...more on Sooyeon since she manage to get over 100 votes though her downfall is faster since the show never really bothered to focus on her anyway while Yeunjung got some of that afterwards n when the show tried to give her a lil part it's already too late...Chaekyung i'd say had so much more impact as center than the other team's....eh...whatever...Yoonji...i actually wanted to like her the most out of SE trainees...but during the fx Lachata's discussion....i kinda don't like how she pulled those coy way of idk...the Kang Sira way of wanting something but not wanting to say it out aloud so keeps pushing it at someone else n that's just mehhh....okay on to 4minute Hot Issue teams...i really dislike how the show gave at least 80% of the entire focus of the two teams to team 2 just cuz it has Choi Yoojung n her oh so holy sacrifice...that actually sacrifice the team so to speak though i do feel that even if she's the center...the other team just did better and earn their points...bcuz if you have fans...even if you're at the far end...the fans will still vote for you...and that's what Yoojung fans did...so i don't see why the hoopla drama that was dragged so much on their part...other than the dilemma bcuz of their age that cause lack of discipline...i kinda feel bad for the leader...she couldn't control the kids...team 1 actually doesn't even succeed for the center like i said before Suah actually got the lowest votes in the team...and she doesn't even strike as a center...but Sooyeon had a way of making her seem important as the center...she's good at articulating n reasoning...she made her team felt good and confident and that eventually led them to explosive performance worthy of a winning...probly one of the best out of all performances....IF NOT THE best. Her leadership is just freaking amazing...when she explained why Suah is the center...i just can't help fangirling...they're always practicing so even though they're confident...they're not underestimating the other team...out of all the 'confident' teams...they're probly the one who don't underestimate the other in action...even if they said they're confident they're better...now that's how you do it...and i love how Sooyeon is always seen patting/encouraging/praising her members...well, i'm just assuming based on her actions in teh background that can be seen...but the body language feels like it...like when the result was revealed...first thing she did was turning towards her team...holding Suah and talk to them...so i'm assuming she's congratulating them for job well done...even before she bask in their winning by herself...as for Afterschool Ah team..i honestly don't know what's the problem with Kim Jayeon..i think she did great...maybe she just lack some confidence n presence...Hwang Riyu did great too but all people cared for are Im Nayoung n Kang Siwon since they're the more popular ones...okay. but to the point of calling the other two like 'lil kids n blabla....eh...fans of popular people are annoying. though i don't like how Riyu put down the other team as kindergarten show...though they did sort of look...like one? Ariyoshi Risa is bad at singing...horrible...but i really like her attitude...she doesn't cry before she tries hard...some of the girls like Kim Sohye would just stand and cry before anything n keep whining she's no good and blabla...and then you have people like Ariyoshi Risa, Ahn Yumi etc who actually try hard to not be a burden...and that's the admirable ones to me...that attitude made them so pretty...Miss A Bad Girl Good Girl teams...Oh Seojung is so blur lol...and then there's Choi Eunbin...i don't like the other team....seems to have bad girl vibe all over...it's more like Pledis featuring others...where others hardly get any benefit out of it...n Kim Woojung would have been made one of the villains of the show with her sassy attitude that's always resentful towards 'center' and also the song and everything but i guess since Happyface is so neglected by the show...she got away n they chose Heo Chanmi as the postergirl of evil instead...i'm guessing when you've trained as long as her(7+years)...you grow some sort of attitude....not justifying it...but yeah...lol...plus Woojung didn't mess up for her team...but i really dislike the way that team collectively putting down the underdog team...this one is one of the worst case of it...it's kinda disgusting really, how they underestimate n look down on the other team...i just adore the underdog team who's continuously practicing...knowing they don't have any advantage of being tall n pretty n can only win through hardwork while the other team all bask in their visual n height....plus...Hyeongeun is so pretty...haha, i'm surprised she's the center here since she doesn't seem the flirty smiley type like her competitor...and she actually stayed to her character not much expressions...goodness...i love this team...awesome underdogs...eventhough Choi Eunbin is a rapper...she seems to do a lot of the vocal parts next to Oh Seojung, and i actually like her as the leader and i'm glad even the trainers all prefer the underdog team's performance...the other team totally go the flirt method n even attempted to do hearts and all to win votes? like...is that in character to the song though? idk...though i like the team 2's improvisation on the ending singing part but their cockiness is just too much to save them from my dislike list. and when they show how Kim Woojung was wrong bcuz Kim Minkyung as the center got the highest votes....eh...i don't think it's cuz of she's the center...she's from Pledis n Pledis is just more popular....how do you explain the importance of 'the center' by that when in Hot Issue teams...both the centers Yoo Suah and Kim Miso got the most dramatically lowest votes than the rest of their teams? how do you explain that? those are two teams...and Choi Yoojung who got 2nd highest votes from the two teams weren't even any important parts...it's all popularity vote. Except for Hwang Sooyeon bcuz she's not even popular....until she get recognized after her performance...i feel so bad for Oh Seojung to be hated so much for her past that it become a main factor in evaluating how she did here...it's just unfair bcuz she's a good singer....yet her too-low votes is ridiculous. i will have to agree with Hyeongeun that they're not rated/voted for talents but image though she get the highest point from her team ...as for the KARA's Break It teams...after watching this ep...i feel that i'd like to conclude Kim Nayoung as the most likable jellyfish for me...i still don't like her that much(i mean...she doesn't know Break It???? ugh) but she's tolerable...i like that she keeps a positive mindset n is humble without feeling faked n her nice leadership...and i like that there's only 1 point difference and i like that the other team actually consoled the losing team....everything about this battle is pretty n i like it that one of my favs Hwang Inseon is doing debut song of one of my fav girlgroups...i mean, hello...Break It is one of the coolest girlgroup debut song....how can you never heard it? ugh....i kinda like Park Minji's confidence n her thinner voice fits the highnotes than Nayoung's thicker voice....the winning team's perf actually kinda reminded me of KARA in some good ways ...fx Lachata teams...oh...i kinda like Park Sehee...but her unserious attitude kinda well...takes down some points....especially since she's the leader, and I feel that Kim Dani totally fits as the center...i like her bright energy that's akin to Chaekyung....and the other team...i love how the members back Seong Hyemin up on her effort rather than let her deal with it alone when she's scolded for mistakes...Kim Doyeon seems nice...she gets over 100 votes obviously for popularity n her looks but she did well in singing n rapping too...it's just that i don't feel any area where she stood out to receive that much points compared to others, other than visual, she always carry this bored/lack of passion vibe...but yeah....that's how it works for most popular ones....sad that Kim Yoonji got such low marks for her good singing...but oh well....anyway, Wonder Girls' Irony...for me, Kim Sejung n Lee Haein have the same greed, but Sejung is smarter while Haein is probly more on the naive side...she doesn't know how showbiz works and that her broadcasted attitude would be the downfall of her. Sohye is just annoying....this isn't the first time...i saw her in another perf where she's just happy that the leader guide her in everything n make her feel safe...like...is it their responsibility to take on the job taking care n training her? why didn't she make that effort by herself n show some responsibility? of course, she eventually train by herself but she always seem to wait for someone to kickstart it for her...the way i see it....Sejung is damn smart, i'll give her that...she knows how to get herself up n in the process pulling one other member which happens to be Sohye since she's the weakest n it's easier that way....only that...Sohye has been pulled up by so much now more than she deserved...she work hard? hell at least 60-70 of the girls work just as hard if not harder...the sad thing is....other girls in the team got sacrificed for this little heartwarming drama...i feel sad bcuz i really like some of these girls.....n ppl were all over praising this perf....but the more i hear it the more nothing abt it stood out as much as the hype say it...i feel bad for Park Hayi who say it out aloud how she felt tricked to be made the center when it doesn't even focus on her(the members didn't even back her up when asked about being the center...as if they're suddenly against it...)...Sejung is smarter than to be center...she knows she doesn't need to be one to get attention n that it actually adds to her reputation(though there is possibility that she is as genuine as people insist...i'm not disregarding that, but she doesn't seem dumb either, i don't get that vibe from her....eh...whatever...you don't have to trust my instinct but i do trust my own instinct bcuz from what i've went through my prediction/observation were often proven right...things n people are just so predictable i can't help seeing 'em....)....i feel bad for you Lee Haein...that's not how you do it....tsk...she lacks broadcast knowledge....being the good girl is important in shows like this...it can even make you a GOD....lol. (don;t you think God is such an unspecial common thing in Korea bcuz apparently anyone in any entertainment industry can be made into Gods....hmmm) the only thing i really like from the Irony parts,....is the awesomeness that is Kang Sihyun....her voice is refreshing for this song....i like more than both Haein n Sejung combined....and it's ridiculous that people are pointing out Yoo Suah in her growl perf later on as copying Haein tie-pulling and Sejung's hair puffing.....when in this episode alone....i see countless girls who did that so called Sejung move that i lose note on which girls did it.......sorry to break it but your girl ain't all that unique, ppl always seem to overblow whatever this girl did into something out of the world when they're not...there's even story of how she's an underdog in earlier episodes who got no focus at all....eh...i saw teh focus on jellyfishes right from 1st episode...are we even watching the same show?.....and from the snippet of the scenes...SNSD into the new world celebrity team probly felt bad for winning bcuz they know they don't deserve to win with the difference in the votes...well,  the results are ridiculous...tbut i blame the fans' stupidness but then again...that's how this show play you and them. at least the other team can bear the shame thanks to the fans...if they have any.

in conclusion my fav teams be Hot Issue team 1 (for Hwang Sooyeon's leadership n the team vibe is just on top...i don't feel any other leadership topped hers...she's calm, cool, confident n knows to encourage n boost morale of her team) and also Bad Girl Good Girl team 1(everyone in the group are so likable while the other team had reversed effect on me so this is easy choice....n their effort n hardwork is just beautiful n even the trainers prefer their perf after having scold them so much...the other team can brag for winning for their visuals n popularity but that's it-good job Choi Eunbin, Oh Seojung, Lee Seheun, Im Jungmin n Kim Hyeongeun...beautiful story of underdog n well done performance....actually same goes with Into the New World team 1....people who say team 2 was more energetic n neater must be in delusion really....team 1 was so much more solid it was so obvious actually)

 

ps: i purposely put everything in one super long paragraph so you'd give up reading it...but now that you did...err...i'm pretty sure you be angry since i talk crap on most of your favs but....uhh...just to remind you this is my blog...i don't buttkiss anything popular here..

 

Anyway...to end this...let's give you some videos....yay...

here is vid of MIDAS trainees....one of the companies mnet chose to sacrifice from the get go it seems....although what happened to Happyface is definitely more tragic....not even a second of their perf on the actual broadcast..MIDAS got 1-2 seconds lol...n i believe there are some other companies with same fate as happyface

they did pretty good eh....the girls were in Fire, Irony, Break It, Ah, and Push Push teams...i bothered to make effort to look into them after My Best perf where like i said...everyone else found Kang Sira n only Kang Sira....but i found the background gems that are Kim Yeonkyung, Park Sehee, Hwang Inseon n Seong Hyemin...;)

and i had to reup my Hwang Sooyeon vid bcuz it seem some comp well....cjent can't accept that some ppl trying to popularize the unchosen ones and decided to manually blocked my vid when many others were left there....so if you want to watch it....feel free to find it at my youtube channel or my aff profile...;)

i really hope it won't get blocked again....ugh.

 

ps: and the popularity of happyface trainees video is no joke...like...i just posted it a couple days ago...like one week ago and....already 20000 views? for a group of trainees mnet completely took out of the first n second ep perf?

wow....i'm/....impressed....

here, if you haven't watch....watch it! :)

i would say...nothing outstanding...but hwang sooyeon is outstanding...haha...

after this perf...their ranks by trainers...

Hwang Sooyeon, Kim Woojung - B

Kim Hongeun - C

Hwang Ayoung, Kim Jisung, Lee Suhyun - D

Kim Jayeon, Kim Sihyun - F

it's obvious Sooyeon could easily get A for her presence alone in the perf...she stole the show alrite.......but the trainers were more harsh on nugus n more lenient on popular ones...if you watched the ep....so even getting B is a great achievement tho after her Pick Me vid she's relegated to C.