this week is like...i mean, is going to be a major mental breakdown...

so many messy jumbled up strands to be sorted...

so many arrangements to be made to fit all in...

so many risk...opportunity...hope...so many at stake...

so many pressure of taking a wrong step in the twisted thorny path surrounded by fire i need to get myself through...one wrong step could lead to everything burnt to ashes...

not to mention i started two fics i need to update (oh my priorities...lol)

and i have two songs released by happyface trainees i plan to sub...(one i'll need to translate first)

but before that...

remember i uploaded happyface trainees' perf that i found but in poor quality bcuz the good quality one was only at mnet website n it's impossible to download from mnet website?

say goodbye to impossible.

bcuz apparently...the power of love/passion/determination makes impossible happens...well, of course, only if God allows...but let's live that romanticized notion a bit while we're in the mood rite?

here, presenting the improved ver.

a lot better eh?

i can't believe i did it! i can't even find one that's good quality on any kblogs...

and here i am now...succeeded to dload from mnet after gazilions of research from years ago combined and refined...

whoohoo i did it...i freaking did it on a mental breakdown week like this

i'm so proud of my own amazingly matured n thoughtful priority! lol

 

 

and also...a friend come a friend goes..

i accepted a new 'friend' since it comes from someone who actually make effort to say something somewhere...

but at the same time...i lost one too...

they come they go they're never here to stay...that's friendship.

i don't believe in human relationship anyway including friendship. and people always prove me why it's the right mindset to have.

i'm glad. if i don't have this mindset...i'd be so hurt to live in this world...so...so...damn hurt.

i'm done getting hurt by so called friends i trusted the most when i was younger n gullible...

being hurt is just so tiring, emotionally, psychologically, physically...

there are many things that apparently take a lifetime to prove....or else...you'll be fooled.

i thought real/special friends can share something more genuine than merely shallow sweet words.

but i guess my honesty that was once adored doesn't come off sweet anymore after no longer sprinkled with sugar...

that's friendship apparently...only when you're cool, when you're sweet, when you have nice things to give...

it's never about you...always about them...

i know i should write all these in poem so it'd sound more...uhm...profound?

but i'm in no mood...

i can't hide that i'm disappointed...

but i'm glad i'm not expecting all that much either...it's just....

hurts.

if you don't think you can handle me, don't approach and act like you like my personality...

i'm always this honest and never shape myself in any way to fit in anyone's requirement...

but i feel that ppl who want to be friendly often do that....why? don't.

it's suffocating...

and once i decide to accept that maybe you're genuine n not merely trying to show compatibility...you decide you're done?

i'm so disappointed...bcuz i knew i shouldn't expect it...yet i trusted despite knowing that's the foolish thing to do...

friendship...only when i can fill up the emptiness that's not filled by anyone else but merely boredom? only when i seem so cool and say things you like to hear?

oh i've met those kinda friendship a million times tbh....esp online...

shoulda known it better...

but i'm a fool...idiot. only idiots get hurt.

so for the nth time to the nth people who so called adored me n our friendships so much...

good bye n good riddance..let's not cross paths again...

i'm done being a personal entertainer for 587489675 ppl...

i deserve better, and you deserve worse.

;)

as kim juna said in her song part...you don't matter, not my level...lol.

 

wait...

how did...this got...

oh well, whatever...

the point of this post was really to post that video above so watch it! xD

 

i hope something good will come out of this week...

something really good...