this week i'm working in the most stressful hours.

because it's the time when everything i do or don't do will be scrutinized.

even for things i'm not supposed to know...i have to know...it's crazy...and the level of stress is killing.

i thought of quitting n running away after a horrid yesterday...but after i came back i thought of giving it another try since i always give up too fast and as much as i have no problem with living recklessly for present happiness...it will hurt people i care about so i'm holding it for them...

tbh...if my life is just about making decision for myself...i would probly live hard...but definitely no stress...

but i've taken that path too many times...it's reckless of me to keep doing it...

and there comes a time when i have to force myself to grow up a bit...because heck even my way younger lil sis is so much more matured when it comes to this.

i can't even blame my sign being a sagi that i need freedom...bcuz she's a sagi too...lol.

i have to give it a try to keep going on even if i'd die from stress tonight...

i hope i won't...

if it doesn't work out still...

maybe i'll find the way out the typical me way...

and that will surely hurt other people i love...and the thought of that...

this is why i'm holding it another day...

so much fear anxiety angst...

so much more dramatic than a fanfic could ever be...

who cares about making OC that's like you?

(i saw generalization on this by many peeps here that writers only ever write OCs based on their own personality/life/etc. and just thought of it...)

puhleeze...my OCs life don't hold a candle to my own messy complicated issues..lol tsktsk...

(and i'm neither early 20s nor 39...lol)

(self) pitiful. my state.

but come to think of it...generalization is pitiful too. pitiful mindset.

even though i'm lacking sleep now....i have so much fear to even sleep...

i have battle to prepare for...

that sleep might help physically but i feel that i need...assurance i can seek while being awake more than any physical remedy...

the thought of me facing a horrid fear i should've run away from...makes me feel cool...

no i mean...pained....pained but cool...haha...

i've so much immaturity in me...haha...i guess to make up for my childhood maturity...

/coughcusecoughs/

okay...to end this in positive note...

my lovely Rainbow~

^ Hyunyoung...so pink...xD

You know what's special bout idols i like?

They don't have to win anything, 'slay' any chart or be popular or sell lots to make me so damn proud of them.... ;)

It's bcuz i'm proud of them they became idols i like....

priceless.

;)

so...yesterday was Rainbow showcase...here have some perfs n clips...(though i'm sad they didn't perform any of my fav songs fromthe mini album-Eye Contact, Black & White, Click!) :(((

Their ballad:

^ (i love that Yoonhye got some bridge part...)

Their title song:

(i'm starting to warm up to this song though it's still not my fav...but there's one or two parts i like in the song n the perf is cute)

photo session:

ugh...i love how everyone just come out with controlled smile like 'hi we're here to pose for some photos'...and Noeul just appeared with her bright smile that could light up the whole universe...i think i'm starting to really warm up to her hair too...

^ talk. Rainbow being their lovable dork ahjumma selves...i read about Jaekyung directing questions/attention to be given to Yoonhye/Noeul....Jaekyung is total girlcrush material i mean forreal! Seungah might have been my fav member right from their debut...but Jaekyung had made the biggest leap...i would say she's my fav member as well now(pls add in Noeul too....heck it might end up being everyone...lol)..and for all the awesome reasons...she's super talented n can create anything with her own hands...works hard for her group(i mean remember in that idol art competition when she went above n beyond to win for her group to get CF with the soft drink label...even after she had won with her arts alone, she went to create new label/design for the drink-she even still promote that drink..saw on her twitter)...she has bright personality, smart n good speaker...good singer too...and most of all...is how awesome she is at leading her group...and how she always direct attention to members who could use more attention...and yet with her being busy n the most popular member in her group...being in acting and all...she still can make time for her family...her dog....her passion is something that is unbeatable....and despite being the gorgeous person that she is...she's not afraid to show off her ahjumma charms...in fact i think she actually led many of her members to be more carefree...because of that...Rainbow shines with their personalities(remember in that show when they guested with Secret n 4minute? even people who don't know them were asking in the comments section bcuz they're so different than the usual you expect from female idols...they're just so.....ahjumma....xD)...i still think Noeul is the queen of crazy n loud ahjumma in the group...the variety gem hidden n wasted...but i feel she has unleashed musical talents too...i still remember how cool she look playing the piano for the members to sing while they practiced back in their earlier days...n even though Yoonhye is more on the shy/reserved/serious side(i think Woori n Jisook too....though they both still has that 'variety' side of them)...i feel Yoonhye would have bright future as actress, i think she did quite well n natural in her daily drama n she's very friendly and connected to the fans(taking the baton of twitter queen from Noeul i see? xD)...Woori is another well known member(never thought much of her acting but she did awesome acting in this awesome MV)...she's pretty cutesy but i feel is quite deep and Jisook has her power blogger talent n down to earth charms...other than being multitalented at various things too...Hyunyoung...i have hopes for her to lead Rainbow's music in the future with more compositions...tbh, even though she can do crazy aegyos cringey level on shows...i feel she's very matured n most serious abt music...Seungah is well...Seungah...i still hope she'll get more parts since she's one of the lead singers...but with very little parts...i like her matured tone and she has good personality besides her cluelessness(i mean, just look at how lovable n awesome she was in Romantic & Idol without even trying)...so i hope to see more of her too...

wait...i was just going to fangirl Jaekyung but i ended up talking abt all members. what i love is they don't try to hog attention for their own self....especially Jaekyung...even though Jaekyung is the most popular member...she always made sure to direct the attention to her members...she knows their strengths and highlights them....major.girlcrush.material.

they also performed their older songs like Kiss,A,Mach,Tell Me Tell Me which you can find HERE.

Okay...i haven't watched these but here....two behind-the-scene vids...

hope you enjoyed 'em~ get to know and fall in love with Rainbow <3

(honestly...i find fangirls who hated on them just for flirting on some show with oppars are pitiful...ugh...blergh)

i find it weirdly amusing that the title is misery..and it was about misery....but ends up with a bunch of Rainbow fangirling...lol

time to go back into my misery hole...

seeya if i remain alive(spritually/psychologically especially...and of course, physically) tomorrow...