I don't expect feedback so don't feel like you have to try and cheer me up if you read this. I... I just need some sort of rant to happen and this is the best thing right now.

there is a lot going on. I don't necessarily know where to start. Maybe with background information? Yeah. Okay. I'm clinically depressed, have been for at least the past two years, but only diagnosed this past summer. I have yet to get medicine for it because of complications with my insurance but I have an appointment in march that is to check my health and mental stability and see which medicines would be beneficial for me and covered by my insurance. At home, I am from a large mixed family and so everything is hectic. Everybody, including myself, is loud, disrespectful, annoying, hypocritical, and judge mental. All those characteristics in one person is enough, but try multiplying it by 11. That's where I'm at. I have a psychologist/psychiatrist (dont know wtf he is really. One of the two) once a week and family therapy once a week because the older kids in my family are just falling apart. Especially me. I'm treating at the seams. I'm pretty sure that is all the background information so let me get to why I'm writing this

I didn't go to school because, in my last blog post, might suffer supersomnia, and couldn't get up for the life of me. I woke up at 12:30 this afternoon and finally felt like I could move. I didn't though. I just stayed in my bed because I knew it was coming. Even though they don't do much in the morning when I can't move my body, they have no issue in guilt tripping me when I'm awake. I know it is bad for my body, my grades, and my future to keep on skipping school, but I think I give up. I say that so much because I am a quitter, but I really think I give up. I'm so behind in everything, I can't talk to anybody, I'm just so...i feel so lost and disgusting and stupid and tired and worthless. I'm just a up. I keep ing up my life because I think it means nothing to me. I have nothing I look forward to or enjoy or love. I just hate everything and anything that crosses my path now. And right now... It's me. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but I know I can't do anything anymore. I can't move my legs any farther. I just feel like everything in me snapped and I can do nothing but lay here. I'm just an object now. My mom knows in depressed and all, but she thinks I'm just too lazy to get up for school. It is soooooo much deeper than that. Her telling me I'm ing up my future just makes me feel even lower than the I recognize myself as. I don't need her restating common knowledge. It hurts. I don't see myself being happy anymore. I don't see myself talking animatedly anymore. I don't see myself working hard anymore. I don't see myself doing anything. I don't see myself. I can't see myself. There is nothing after this for me, so I am left wondering....

When will it end?