don't you just hate it when something you contributed to make it come to life, but with also no-less important contributions by many others, stop n died the moment you step back as if they never existed for what they were, but to cater to you n just you...this has just happened way too damn many times that it makes it really hard to avoid the thought that everything is centered around you...no matter how you refused to think in such vain way...too many coincidences just is no coincidence. just bcuz you started something(that's not even abt you)...doesn't mean it had to end without you, does it? you might disagree...but i don't care....having encountered this too many times...i'm just bored n my skepticism n disappointment with everything couldn't help but only growing massively...waiting for the day to be proven wrong just for once...no matter how many times i come n go...i always come back more or less the same, don't i? because this is just me...no matter how i try to repress, it's not easy to change who n what i am...but everything else change for good too easy with just a change from one person....that it makes me question the worth n genuineness of so many things...n to an extent...make me annoyed with myself n the impact i have...people, i fear them...maybe that's why being a loner is so much more comfortable despite the awkwardness...nobody would have to change to cater to you, n you don't have to live in pressure of catering to other ppl too...i don't understand why it's so hard for humans to co-exist without having to cater to each other to the point of changing oneself for another...hmm...maybe that's how normal humans are n i just have this abnormal stubborn little mindset...eh...i'd keep it anyway...it's tiring to just living having ppl adjusting n catering to you...what more living to cater to others, or adjusting to match them...don't that tire you? just the thought made me so tired all over again....lol.

oh well...since i'm feeling a lil too annoyed out of the blue...maybe some music would be good...

and i think i have this little talent of making myself hateable with what i have to say...haa...

well, what can i do?

when it comes to this...i'm a true sagi...lol. n since i'm irresponsible...i won't be responsible over my words if they're hurtful...

i might have hurt/offended some people with what i'm saying here...but letting it out makes me feel good, a little less burden of unspoken thoughts.

yes, i'm selfish like that. 

actually, i can feel it, when so much is expected of me...but i can also feel that it's as if my own expectations aren't allowed....it's always just expectations on me....one sided in everything...i can understand if it's regarding work...they pay you some money...and they expect all shiets from you and you're not allowed to have any cuz you're just the lowly employee that get paid to be lowly no matter how much deluded people sugarcoat it...but why does in every other relationship....i have to take this lowly employee side and everyone else would take the highly boss/upper management part? why can't we be equal? no you don't pay me. actually, even paying me doesn't make it right but will make me forced to tolerate till i can find a new nest...but you're not even that.