I Want to Die

That's it, I give up. There's too much going on in my head, in my life, around me, and to me. Everything is happening at once, and none of it is happy. Nothing gives me hope, gives me cheer, gives me happiness, gives me life. I have no purpose to live anymore. There's nothing to live for, no one to look forward to. No one loves me, no one cares for me. They say I understand them, and I say it's because no one understands me and I didn't want anyone to feel like me. Then they tell me "I understand you". Five minutes later, I'm crying, and trying to hide it, and you laugh and smile with everyone else. You said you understand me, why are you lying? 

And you. You liked me. Your actions show, your eyes show. Everyone knows. Everyone says. But if you do like me that much, why is it that the only thing you do is ask me if I'm okay and ignore me for the rest of the time. Why is it that in the seven hours that we were together you spent less than three minutes talking to me. Why is it that you think you can make me like that and try to make me feel better with one gesture. And why does it work? 

Hope. They said your life moves forward faster when you have hope and a goal. They said everybody had a goal, but most just don't know it yet. Where's mine? In my darkest moments of life, where's my goal? Where's my hope? The one person that gave me hope and a goal, is long gone. I am left alone in this world. No one cares where I end up. I could take this weapon and be gone now, and no one will ever notice.

Depression? Do you think I have depression? Even if I do, blue happy pills aren't going to help me. Blue happy pills are pills for when you have one sinch of forgotten hope left, hidden in a cradle, in a ditch somewhere. No pills help when you're the one that's strapped to the cradle, left alone in the ditch with no way out. 

Imagination, the only thing that makes my thoughts all the clearer, but once the dreams are gone, I'm left with the ugly reality again. Reality, the source of my misery. Maybe I just need to get away from the source, get away from reality. Once the dreams are gone, you'll be left with reality again. Better  yet, just get away from both. Reality, gone. Dreams, dead. 

I'm just a walking corpse now. No dreams, no hope. Far away from reality, far away from dreams. Far from imagination. I'm mindless, getting through the days, numbly. I don't know what's going on around me. I'm far away from reality, I don't know what's happening to everyone around me. I'm farther from dreams, where everything I want to happen happens. 

Maybe I just need to find an addiction. Some adrenaline. Maybe I'll get a tattoo for my dead dreams and reality. Maybe I'll be stuck in a studio, writing my numbness away. But I'm numb. I can't tell. Dream or reality, I don't want to live in either, I want to die.

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sleepingprince #1
Never give up no matter what happens. Everything happen for a reason. Its to teach us and make us stronger. Take everything as a test and learn from it. Nothing comes easily . The more it hurts and pained you down the more you need to fight and keep on fighting. Its not easy but its also not impossible. Sometimes we feel lost especially when dreams are gone, but do know that as long as you can start all over again then your dreams can still come true. Believe and have faith in yourself and in the good. Just because its bad and hurt dosent mean its over. Just keep fighting and dont give up. I hope you feel better soon.
DolphinWorld #2
Hey, I'm sorry to hear what you have been through. I won't say 'I understand you' because I personally believe that no one can understand you like yourself. but if you want someone to talk to, PM me any time.
TypicalAuthornim #3
what happened friend?
i know everyone goes through this phase, but don't feel down because of this. as people say 'Get over it'.
i know this is too cliche but hope this helps
luhansenpainoticedme #4
I know this is cliche but don't give up now, you may not notice it or you're gonna deny this comment but if you give up now everything you worked hard on, your past memories will all be useless so things are gonna get better, it always does but if you need to talk about your problems I'm all ears
EriTay #5
I'm so sorry you have to go through all that. It pains me to know that there are so many cruel people in the world. If you need someone to talk to pm me because I don't want you to suffer like this.
lovesmith #6
Hold on buddy. No one knows how you're feeling but they all don't want to be like this. No one know how hard your life is but they don't want you to give up. Pain demands to be felt. So feel it, until it dissapear or until you can bear with it. In the process, do anything to distract yourself, but don't do something bad. If you're good at writing then write as much as you want, if you like drawing then draw, if you like singing then sing loudly. If you want someone to talk to, im sure hundreds people here want to hear it sincerely. Even though, you feel they don't understand you. At least you know, there are still many people here who care for you. Forgive others then forgive yourself. Hold on :) . I hope everything get better for you.
Minderaser #7
Do you need someone to talk to about your problems? I'm all ears.
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