Of pride, 2Max oppars, and 100-song anniversary
1 - of pride
First of all, i am highly aware of my ridiculous amount of pride, and i sincerely hate it, but i'm a person who accepts her flaws and could comfortably live with it rather than wanting to fix it. this could also be a problem, but nothing i could/would do. i hate how i accept n ease deeper into my own flaws too easily too.
But sincerely too, i am thankful, even the small appreciation made me so happy, and that was more than small...it meant the world, but no regrets.bcuz of pride. what little(or huge) i receive, i will cherish with all my heart n make me so happy...but won't make me change my mind or the way i am...
maybe i'll write you a poem...to deliver my gratitude...maybe i won't...i won't force myself...even if i do, it won't even be good, for my sparse skill and ability would not allow it...but sincere it will be, of that i can assure.
thinking of it, i don't have what it takes to impress at all, but i hate it even more that i'm even thinking of this whole 'impress' thing...in the world where everyone strive n battle it out to impress, in the midst of all those impressiveness, genuineness is fading because many times, the two just don't come together...and i hate that i'm berating myself for lacking in something that would only take away my genuineness when pursued.
it's war against my pride, but at the same time, it's the path to keep my pride...
hmm...ironic? i think life and human beings are made of irony n contradictions....many times, it 'elevates' to hypocrisy...
but i guess i do gain something. i relearnt an important simple lesson i always forget after awhile and keep having to be self-reminded...hope this time it won't be forgotten too fast, or ever.
Although in the end,
it's ruined and i was cruelly denied to keep even the crumbs, morsels of pride that i was left with.
Why?
Why are humans so cruel?
Or are they just dumb, that everything needed to be spelled and spoonfed for them? They could understand complicated works of art n science theories yet they couldn't comprehend n respect a simple direct plea?
Sigh.
Why am i even surprised, there are more humans like that occupying the Earth anyway.
But to the kind stranger, to express my thankfulness (even if i could not do so, directly)...i shall dedicate this song to you...
And another good outcome is...
Every pain n disappointment...makes for more n more organic fodders for poetry...so expect the fics to be continued to be ignored as real emotions take centerstage...it's kinda cruel too how real pain is a good price for mere genuine inspiration...though such is not always the case...oh well...
do you think it's worth the price? i certainly don't. Inspiration bedamned. who wants to be pained for mere worthless inspiration?
Maybe that won't be the case if each inspiration could worth a thousand bucks or sth...(see i'm not that greedy? i contemplated to write 'million' but settle for thousand lol)
(lol. don't try to understand this. i'm only dedicating this part to myself n to a stranger who won't even be aware of it, even if you miraculously understand, try to pretend you don't and let me have my pride, can you do that simple favour?)
2. of 2Max oppars reunited n comeback!
Know these guys?
Yeah i bet most who know them would know from BOF ost since they pretty much was major contributor to it...after their rapper Hyungjoon(Kimjoon) got a role in BOF...but for those who know them BEFORE that, omg, come n gimme a highfive/sis-hug or sth...BOF is a shudder-inducing mess anyway...i only bothered it bcuz Joon got a role even as the most unimportant member of F4...hey, for an unpopular idol, even to get that place is sooo precious...
i'm still amused at myself for thinking they had a girl member at first when i listened to their songs, even though i had seen pics of them earlier and there were only guys spotted...(sorry yunhwa, hehe)
and i remember how they caught my attention immediately with their music cuz they just had a different feel, that refreshing jpop feel and carefree-ness as opposed to the more polished/luxurious/cool image for idols...back then i uploaded many of their stuffs...in my older yt account but many things have happened and i've lost their stuffs from my storage too :(...nowdays when i look for their perfs to watch, i feel a certain phobic/traumatized after seeing many of their perfs of debut song are often polluted with comments like 'only here cuz of...oppar' kinda thing...yknow...one of their dancers later on become a member of a popular group(don't ask, you can look it up for yourselves)...such fking annoying comment is bound to be seen...i just wish people are more tactful...we always want our oppars to be respected but what does it say when you go around disrespecting other people's oppars?
this is just one of the many reasons i dislike popular groups' fandoms. never fail to annoy me.
Anyway, post-BOF...sadly...changes are bound to happen...they became more popular, gotten more exposures and shows. Although the awaited first album only came the moment a member(Yunhwa) has left the group (not sure if it's bcuz of upcoming military or not)...they had two new members, n finally released first full length album, that was pretty good...but still...wasn't quite the jpopish T-Max i first fell in love with...it was bittersweet...
then Joon left too, to become actor...
the group then officially disbanded.
But i know they have good ties...the leader Minchul especially, is always expressive of his affection for the members (and also friendly to the fans).
After 2 years, Yunhwa finished his service and came back...
and then guess what....
2Max!
Minchul n Yunhwa back together...my T-Max feels, even if it's now just 2Max(love the play on their name...witty!)
And they've released their teaser....yayyyyy....
now only wishing for Joon to suddenly jumps in. lol.
I like the other two new members too...but...the original T-Max, i just connect with, more emotionally n nostalgically.
Now is it too much to hope for my Weather Forecast oppars to have a comeback too, despite the unlikeliness? :'(
here, have some Weather Forecast oppars, cuz i freakin' love this song too.
So cool as usual of my oppars <3
3. of anniversary
(i still am very much in love with my granddaughter's artwork :) Thank you for everything, even if i've taken down the song translation from aff, n just put them in my blog.)
I'm proud to present you stalkers/random blogwalkers...my 100 songs translation anniversary. :)
never really thought translating is something i would even dare to attempt considering my lack/absence of any formal learning of the languages translated to english...
but learning n trying have opened my eyes that even existing sites that do translations don't always dish out perfect translations, so why should i feel so inferior about mine? those sites never even put disclaimer/precaution warning of their imperfect trans, which shows their confidence...but i...always feel inadequate...somehow...well, they're(my trans, i mean) inadequate...but i guess i deserve a pat on the back for at least trying to do trans for old/unpopular songs nobody would bother to trans...rather than repeating making for songs that have been translated time n again, don't i?
anyway...
I began this thing about last year May through Park Jung Min's Your Colour and has since continue to diligently pursue this thing, though well, my real first attempt was made in march 2013...with A'ST1's WHY...but at that time, it never escalated to anything more. i did it as one time thing bcuz i didn't want to wait for site i requested for translation to do it, since there were no response/confirmation whether or not my requests were accepted or not...and i just wanted to sub them...at that time i did sub songs, but only using existing translations...and that means unpopular songs i like but nobody wanted to translate would never have a place...at that time, even my resources were not detailed n rather limited...n it gave much headache...
But then Your Colour came, the song that became my fav song, that i wanted to know the translation so bad. but the only translation ever posted online, was for the drama version, it seem like many didn't even notice the one he always perform is from the other version that wasn't translated, which has some changes in lyrics, particularly the chorus...
Then came Save Us Tonight album, which hardly have translation available at first since it's released in Japan n wasn't a mainstream release...and there's a song i really wanted to know the lyrics...well, that marks the beginning of everything...
and now...i have
- 62 Korean-English trans
- 35 Japanese-English trans
- 1 Malay-English trans
- 1 Indonesian-English trans
- 1 Cantonese(i think)-English trans
apart from my 16 Malay lyrics version of kpop/kjpop songs
Now...i feel kinda accomplished(how silly, i know)...i'll take a good rest...maybe for temporary...maybe for good...maybe...not even, if my oppars songs keep tempting me to go on...but i feel that i can finally rest instead of looking forward to any goal to achieve...lol
btw, if you see 104 songs in the list...it's cuz...
2 vids for Your Colour(Park Jung Min) - 1 for song, 1 for live perf (since i love the live so much)
2 vids for Give Me (Ladies) - 1 for song, 1 for live perf (again, since i love the live so much)
2 vids for Gleaming Star - 1 for Park Jung Min remake ver and 1 for SS501 live perf(they're the original)
2 vids for Summer Blue - 1 for Park Jung Min remake ver and 1 for SS501 live perf(they're the original)
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