I had live my life as a students for 15 years only. Looking back to my childhood time, nothing fancy, really. It may be a little early for me to say this but, I just seriously need to get it off before I turn into those crazy study maniacs! Kindergarten, heck it's a fun time. No one really scold you for doing something silly, or forgetting your book or even spilling something on the floor.

Primary was way better. Playing in class and all. But then, we were introduced to a system called; Exam. Truthfully, I never care about exams nor my results in my early days. I just wrote back everything that I remembered when we were in class. It all changed 180 degree once I reached 10. At this very young age, I watched as few of my classmates turned into a studying machine. 

Since I was living in a rural area, studying was not our priority here. They would stuck their noses in books while half of the class were fooling around. They bought all those exercise book, that I usually don't even bother to have one. This sick disease continued till I was 12. More friends turned into a studying machines by now, since we were going to have a big test at the very end of the year. 

I realized that fact and became more conscious of my grades. I'm not that one hella genius , or to be put at. I'm average, really. But I had most difficulties with Math. For the very first time, after I turned 12, I got a taste of how being dumb feels like. My classmates brains' were all A+ level but sadly, not mine. I remember this one gal, she didn't even put any effort in studying yet she got away in exam with 'flying colours' result! I sometimes got teased by my math teacher. 

"Come on, I know you and __ are good friends. Then why can't you get good mark like her too in math?" I felt... humiliated? Nah.. don't think so. I was barely 12, I don't give a damn bout those kind of things.

Then came junior high. Sweet 13 I say. Yeah, everything at that time is sweet, getting all friendly with the 'highschool' atmosphere. 14, that tension rose back. Literally, most of my pals started to study in order to prepare for our big exam next year. With a so-so brain like mine, I don't give a damn. Now, 15. Not so sweet anymore I must say. Everything crumbled down. I felt like the biggest loser in class or maybe school. I'm just an eye-sore to the teachers. Especially my math teachers.

Come on, how come I'm the only one FAILED my math test? This boy in my class even got a friggin A+!!! And me? I got a ING F! Shame on me for all my math teachers from primary till junior high. -_- Studying right now had became a continous cycle that I just held myself back from breaking it. It was like a glass prison. The bat was in my hand. I could choose. Either to shatter it and run away? Or I would rather being locked up in here and study my off, in hope that I would be 'someone' one day. 

I cried. I cied really hard while  listening to BTS's N.O. I was studying at that time and it popped up on my playlist. I looked up for it's english lyrics and damn, I shouldn't have done that. All those words stabbed me right through my heart and brain and limbs and EVERYTHING! My soul got blessed, seriously. But, shame on me, I can't run. I don't choose that tricky path. I let myself get violated in this glass prison. Letting myself rot in here with books for god knows how much longer before I could escape and be that 'someone'.

Apparently, right now, I just turned into that studying machines. Just like my classmates. I'm no better than them. Only here, in this virtual world called, internet, I found my comfort. I can lash everything out here, without any remorse. I could show the real me here. And let my rotten self on display back in that prison. Pathetic!