Will the slayage never end? Seriously, after the Gyustan slaughter that was the Singles photoshoot, you’d think they’d give our poor hearts and ovaries/brovaries a slight respite, but NOOOOOOO.

They’re apparently taking their cues from He Who Shall Not Rest Until All Who Stan Him Are Insane and Unable to Reproduce a.k.a His Most Supreme Gyuness.

Sigh. Okay, fine, I get it, he’s a celebrity; he needs to be photographed, put his face out there, but can we just skip Dazed and Confused from now on? In the interests of noona’s sanity what am I talking about that’s long gone heart? I mean, Infinite’s first go-around with them yielded a pictorial where Gyu took on the persona of a Kabuki actor whose make-up had either been rubbed off and/or not adequately applied…

(Don't get me started on that school deliquent posture!)

…and a tatted-up sorta thug who thought teal is an appropriately "gangsta" hair color.

(With a stunned soccer fan of no particular team maknae along for the ride.)

Yet, despite these artistic choices that were way beyond my realm of understanding, me not being arty in any way, shape or form, the pictures managed to be…able to induce spontaneous conception oddly exciting.

(Which I feel sums up my feelings regarding the Gyu doing lots of things…)

So, basically, Dazed and Confused magazine accomplished their goal of “dazing” and “confusing” me with those first round of photos. There’s no need for them to try again!

Okay, well, so far, so good. Gyu. Ocean. Nice. Wet…I mean, Gyu isn’t wet, since he’s not in the ocean, but, the ocean is…wet…so very wet...

Bedroom eyes...ack. And pouty lower lip. And just the slightest hint of brown sugar above the upper lip...Really testing noona, aren't you?

All right, heart rate has accelerated slightly…those rolled-up pants cuffs are…suggestive. However, I’m proud my mind did not immediately go to a “farmboy hungry for love in a field” fantasy. (It took a whole five milliseconds!)

What on Earth are you laughing about, bibimbaby? Did you climb into noona’s bed brain? You know that smile is noona’s Kryptonite!

Why are you squinting like that? You know that squint is noona’s Kryptonite! (I’m vulnerable to a lot of different forms of Kryptonite, okay?!?) (I don't know why I like this, but I do!)

THIS IS NOONA’S TRUE KRYPTONITE. BARED BACK. BOOTY SHOOT. BURSTING WITH INESS.

This is overkill! To come back and utterly “decimate” and “confound” me with such photos is CRUEL AND INHUMANE, you horrid, horrid, happiness-inducing magazine, you!

Henceforth, Kim Sunggyu, our dearest leader, our cutie commander, the ovary-destroyer-extraordinaire must be banned from being photographed by clearly thirsty professional photographers. If his image must be shared, let it be by non-expert photogs who will reduce his adorableness through the amateur nature of their pictures.

Darn it! Okay, fine, that was just a good angle. Fine, a selca then. Selcas are rarely breathtaking.

I think I’m more dazed and confused (not to mention dying of the HEAT and choking on my own squees) than when I first started this post. Better to just quit while I still have the ability to form coherent qwgyujkdfljgyusdfuipomgyuomgututjkgyuomsmxxjkuiu.

This post approved by Kim “Oddly Exciting” Sunggyu.

*Pictures credited to their rightful owners.