Lately...it's gotten so boring here...i don't even know what the heck i am still doing in here anymore...but well, i just love to bore and annoy myself i guess....considering i always frequent sites that bores me n annoys me...rather than sites that delight me...

Everything i see screams typical....many mentalities i see made me cringe...nothing new, nothing different, nothing captivating, nothing special, nothing worthy of any other reaction from me other than bored....maybe it's just that my expectation for everything are always so damn high(really?but i never trahstalk or talkdown fics with bad grammars etc. like some language divas), or everything really are boring warped n wrapped in another layer of boringness that boringness isn't seen as boringness anymore....whatever...everyday i still come in to see if my world will be rocked/shaken with something awesome that shoots out of nowhere...like maybe a really new n original music shuffle or some crazy project that's promising n never been done n could benefit the minorities or anything,or just one day when nobody talk/write about exo...omg that be awesome but frankly not in here not gonna happen,or the day when you see all people talk/fangirling/write about anything that never even go trending just cuz they like them n doesn't need no data evidence of popularity to be able to be proud of what they like.......yknow...just something out of the fking norm that's consuming the liveliness of my soul here....lol.

But yeah no worries, i know i dont belong here though i've been here since 2011 anyway, seen all the trends that come n go, and lived all the changes for the past almost-four-years n back then it wasn't as stuffy as today or maybe i just didn't notice it thank goodness for all the happy years, i just still like being here as nobody maybe out of familiarity....even though now i have to reconsider a hundred times before posting anything compared to back then when i was a noob n could post just anything without a worry since there's hardly anyone stalking what i wrote anyway...heheheh....nowadays, write something ppl don't like/unpopular opinion in your own damn blog...and be prepared to get schooled...funnier is when some people would even make blogposts linking you to trashtalk/put to shame you/your blog/your fanfic without even once confronting you directly in comments or msg....i don't remember if i ever went through that one....but i've seen it happen to others many times...it's cringey n pathetic, don't do that.

Since unwanted attention is the last thing i'm looking for now...i know this post is a mistake...maybe i'd even take it down later....but i just feel like i've kept enough to myself to let out a little to make my ownself feel a lil better...even though there are really abundance more of things i wanted to let out...but thought maybe it's better if i keep them all in....i always envy people who can keep everything in n be really private with their thoughts when they obviously have a lot going on, i mean looking at the lack of notification i always get for new blog updates ....back then my friendlist was so much longer so i had to envy more people...but now...yeah well....just blabbering a lot on my thoughts either here or other sns...when others are just quiet...made me felt...embarrassing for all my outbursts of emotions.... i want to share feeling n thoughts with people but it disturbs me a lot that most time people are just there watching me pour out my heart n soul, not knowing what they feel about it, and them rarely sharing theirs n only sometimes come in to say something that let me know they been keeping tabs on what i write n that they have opinions n thoughts but won't tell it out unless they're feeling generous n want to make you feel blessed by sharing their thoughts/feelings on some particular days.....do you know how suffocating that feels? i don't post everything for people to judge me silently, but it's inevitable that people will judge me based on what i write...bcuz that's just natural,....so it's a really bothersome thing...but i still like doing it...it's what i've always done anyway...before anybody even notice my existence to even come across what i write coincidentally....let alone to stalk...i think this is why back then it was better when you just write your feelings in your own damn diary...maybe i should go back to that....lol. though i just like sharing thoughts, even moreso if it's done fairly n not one sided....oh well....whiny brat huh...i think this mentality could also be contributed to the reason as to why i really dislike silent readers although as someone who has no plan to take fanfic writing seriously anymore...i won't be bothered too much about it no more...well, try......

oh, btw...i've good news....that is...i completed my first......mental-fic...not as in fic about mentally ill people, but fic written mentally....as in....fic that developed, progressed and now completed, all in my head....how cool is that? lol. yeah, maybe i'll mentally published it tomorrow....lol....n then get feedbacks mentally too....now, hurry up mentally congratulate me, pretty sure you can do that much rite?

Oh well, what's the point of this post? Nothing...i just need to write out something....express myself after refraining a lot for sometime....let off some high compressed steam....no point at all....other than bored.......suffocated.....etc. being different for the sake of being different is pathetic, but it doesn't change my opinion that typicality , annoys n bores. ugh....i'm a bunch of immatured angst...lol. yeah sorry if you're looking for something from this post n disappointed to find nothing.

here, bcuz i like to listen to this whenever i'm pissed off...

it's my annoyed-anthem...which means it's my anthem for most time...lol...(although i still prefer the rawness sound of the fancam ver than this dvd version)

till then, whenever i feel that i need to let off a lil more steam....

-edit-

Here...have another one bucz i suddenly am listening to this...n suddenly got on mushy mode after being pissed off....wth...