...  So *sweats* hi, I guess. Wow, I can't believe I'm actually doing this, but I've wanted to do this for a looong time and I've had several mental approaches that never became actual blog posts. But here I am (thank my best friend for the "push" over a long phone call XD, it's rather coincidental that we talked about fanfics), having just come home from a family trip and in the mood for some sentimental , lol. (Also, wtf, I feel like a stranger on AFF becase of all the new fics and the new theme, I am like I was 3 years ago.)

Sooo, what to say first?

First of all. I'm not exactly back. Meaning, I won't continue my old ongoing fics and I won't start replying to all comments and messages and wall posts. It would drown me and I'd immediately go back to never touching AFF in fear of having it all to tip over. I've come to realize over this year how much of an introvert I actually am. So any kind of socializing really drains my energy (even and actual esp digital socializing since my real life circle grew and therefore drains more energy, OTL. I'm sorry I really just can't. I appreciate all your efforts. And that's the worst. That's why I avoided AFF the past year.

I can't deal with this uncomfortableness, this guilt I feel when I reply some of you and others not. I feel bad when I see all the notifications because I firmly believe that all those who pour their heart into a comment or a message deserve a real answer and my real feelings but my life doesn't offer enough time to go through aaall of them whole-heartedly, so as I am, I'd rather not go through any.... When it were just a few, every little thing made me jump in happiness and I loved replying. After all the time it felt like a schedule, having to wake up and check all of the things first and reply repetitively. Ans that while I just want to be alone. You get me? IIm sorry about that, but I realized that I'm just this way and I'll have to try to come to terms with it. And I am too much of a coward to refuse someone directly. But I'll have to say it now at least: It's sweet, but honestly I am not looking for friends on this site. I hate small talk. And sometimes I hate to talk to any person in general, but don't be offended or hurt by that. That's just me and my weird introvert mentality.

 If you like my writing, I am flattered and if you have thoughts you feel you need to share, I appreciate it (but maybe I*ll have to read them muuuuch later or answer them muuuch later or just don't answer at all.) 

But I will try to come online more often. And I want to slowly read the comments and tentatively come here again. But if I do, my resolve will (hopefully) be to write. Not to socialize in any form, so I'll just refrain from answering wall posts or messages first.

I haven't written in forever. I don't miss it as much as I thought I would. I's not writing I like, it's fiction (and drawing and anime and books cover that) but there's still hope in me that I will, one day, start writing again. Regularly. I do see that I love creating stories. But school is draining me so much, I really only want to read (or mostly listen to audiobooks) or watch something. Even art-wise it's only little things. 

So it'll be an indefinite hiatus. But this blog post is something like an epilogue in case I never come back. I don't know. It does feel wrong to leave it all hanging. So it's provisional goodbye. Honestly, I wish I could definitely be finished with AFF and say my goodbye and delete my acc (thought about it several times) but I know myself, im erratic as hell and who knws, maybe in two days I'll be all "I love writing it's my life" again.

Anyways, I want to thank you for still liking my stories (although I do feel like a different Lina has written them. I've changed so much ever since grade 12.. it's all so weird but I dont want to talk about all that or this post will never end). I saw that Florescence of Love was featured. Thank you! I'm actually really happy about that because it's like the one story I am still proud of. (As for ToF I have some *ahem* feelings, it's all Kdrama drama and 15 year old fangirl feels and romance fantasies XD and FoD is like my angsty emo 16 year old period). My subscribers are still growing and it's almost the size of my old town's resident count (WTF)

Anyways. Where have I been? Good question. Nowhere, actually. I just checked that my last blog post was in summer 2014. I suppose I might start by telling you what  I did from then on till now, April 2015. Well, the first term of year 12 began, and honestly I don't even know what I did at that time, not exactly at least. (My insta has a hole there too XD), I suppose met my friends, watched anime, and read a book here and there and studied. Somewhere around the end of 2014 I started drawing a lot again, and I turned 18. Ah, a memorable event was that I went to a bookfair where there was a lot of manga stuff. But all in all, that's it, I think. Yeah, and I started a voluntary research paper (a huge one D:). I did sports too (went swimming once a week for 2 months) and I managed to be healthy for like 5 months, which is amazing. All was good.

But then in the beginning of 2015, right into the beginning of term 2 I became really sick, got better, went on a school trip and got even sicker after that and have been sick for 2 and a half months. Getting better and getting worse. It really . Right now I still have some sliiight nose running but it's better, and hopefully it'll stay.

I did think about AFF and went online once in forever but I never really "dared" to come back. School's a lot of stress during the senior years, esp during exam period. Then my leisure time gets divided into some housekeeping and enjoying myself with relaxing stuff. Writing recquires too much concentration. And since my exo feels weren't all that strong (they are, however, again bc of the comeback! <3) and my kpop interest in general declined. 

I was all anime and YA books, tbh. And art. I really got into art again, and drew and sketched and painted, so my instagram has become more regularly updated. If you are at all curious, or more still interested in my life after I half abandoned my life here, about what exactly I've been up too art-wise, by all means click here https://instagram.com/florescence__/

And if you're curious about all the animes (Kuroko no Basket, Aldnoah Zero, Nagi no Asukara, Tokyo Ghoul etc) and YA books (The Lunar Chronicles, Unwind series, Angelfall blablabla etc), go check out my tumblr archive, you'll get to see all I've been up to fiction-wise, even in a chronogical order XD http://therealitywewant.tumblr.com/archive

Without the need to directly exchange our thoughts about all this, you can scroll through these and get a picture of everything. It's like a silent connection. And what I prefer.

Oh dear, it's so late again... that's what also kept me from AFF, it takes up soooo much time. And my health has become so frail that I need much more sleep than my 15 year old self, staying up late to update a story. So I'll be gone again (not sure for how long.) And have a nice weekend, have a nice spring, I hope whoever reads this is content with life. I hope that you've having as much fun with this site as I've had when I was 15. It was amazing.