Elijah

 

January 2012

 

Six months passed quickly since I came back from abroad, and everyone is doing well. Jennie and Jisoo spend most of their time together. They are now the best of friends who spend almost everything together. Lisa spends most of her free time roaming Seoul. She can even wander around Myeong-dong alone. She speaks Korean so much better now as Jisoo and other trainees spend their time a lot with her. Her parents spent Christmas in Seoul with Lisa. Another two trainees will be added next month in the training pool, Kim Eunbi and Kim Yuna. YG plans to debut his new girl group in September of this year, and everyone is excited for this girl group as they are all talented and skilled and very unique. They have been in and out of the training room for the past five months and improved tremendously. They now live together in a cramped apartment near the old YG headquarters, while I started working in JYP Entertainment. I had a choice to work in YG Entertainment or with Yunjin Group, both owned by my family, but I chose to work in JYP Entertainment. I want to work in a place where no one will treat me differently just because I'm the grandson or the nephew of the CEO. This will serve as my training in handling business, so I want to learn as much as possible without any form of special treatment. In JYPe, people treat me the same as with other employees.

I met people I never had the chance to meet and heard stories I never heard before. I experienced living the simple life of an average employee. I go to work at eight and go out at 5. I had the chance to work with Park Jin-young, the founder of JYPe. JYP and his uncle are good friends, but I never receive special treatment when it comes to working. I learned a lot from him. I learned how the industry worked through his eyes and learned every rope in the business. But what I love the most about him is how he treats his people, from utility staff to his most treasured artists, he treats them equally. I learned and experienced things I will surely treasure forever.

 

The clock hits 5. I cleaned my desk, get my things, and prepared to leave. Today is Jisoo's birthday. We are going to eat out with Jimin, Nayeon, and Jennie. I headed towards my scooter and went to a cake shop to buy a birthday cake. I arrive in the restaurant we always eat at. I quickly recognized my friends and waved at them excitedly.

 

"Happy Idiot's Day, Soo-ya!" Jisoo rolls her eyes, and I hug her. "Happy birthday, Chu," I told her.

 

Jisoo made a wish and blew the candle. I looked at her silently. I hope you get everything you wish. Time passed fast. We don't want to end the day, but we need to go as we still have things to do. Jisoo and Nayeon took a cab as they are both going back home to visit their parents. Jimin went straight to Nonhyeon-dong, where the BigHit Entertainment Studio is located to attend training.

 

Jennie and I are still together outside the restaurant. "Ni, are you sure you want to ride my scooter? I can call a cab for you if you want. My scooter will surely tarnish your image as Miss YG's Princess." I .

 

She rolled her eyes and took the helmet away from my hand. "Let's go. I want to experience riding a scooter."

 

I start the scooter and teases her again. "Aight! Hop on and hold tight, Your Royal Highness." She pinched me in the waist that made me laughed harder.

 

I was still laughing hard when I drive the scooter. We head towards the road. Jennie wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me tightly. She placed the right side of her cheek on my back, and I drive slower than usual as I want to make this trip longer. This will be one of the times I spent with her that I will never forget. One of our memories together that I will treasure forever.

 

We were passing the Han River when she asked me if we can stop in the nearby park for a while. I brought her in the Songpa-gu area of the Han River as other parks are much busier than this spot. The benches here are calmer and one of the best if you're looking for some peace. We walk around the area and appreciate the beauty of the Han River.

 

"I love this day. I don't remember the last time I felt so much happiness in me." Jennie said with a genuine smile on her lips.

 

I look at her face; from her beautiful eyes, nose, and cheeks down to her perfect lips with a cute gummy smile. You're making me happier every single day, Jennie. I reached for her cheeks, Jisoo fondly called mandu. "For the past year, all you do is practice. You never get to enjoy the world outside the training room. You've been in the dungeon since you signed your trainee contract. Train hard, but never forget how beautiful life is."

 

Jennie walks towards the bench and sits. "This is the life I chose. It's just tiring that even though how hard I train, I feel like I'm still lacking."

 

I head toward her and sits in the space beside her. I held her hand and plays with her palm. "There is so much more than training, Nini. Training is not your whole life; it's just a big part of it. Chase your dreams, but chase it with a smile in your face. I'll be the happiest person if I get to see that gummy smile of yours I love every single time I see you."

 

She pouted her lips and said, "Without you and your words, I already gave up my dreams. I'm in Florida now taking up Law. Thank you for everything, Oppa."

 

"If you're in Florida right now, we will have a great lawyer in the next few years," I said before pinching her cheeks, and tears filled her eyes. "Ya! Kim Jennie! Stop crying. People from YG will get mad at me for making their princess cry!" I hugged and brushed her hair, using my fingers. "Let's go home, Ni. It's getting late."

 

She clings to me tightly upon hearing it. "I don't want to go home. Let's stay for a few more minutes. I don't want this day to end."

 

Eight months later. September 2012.

 

For the whole year I spent in Seoul, I was able to spend time with Nayeon and made friends with Jeongyeon, Jihyo, and other JYP trainees, and even JYP artists because of my work at JYP Entertainment. I spent time with Jimin as well, but we had a hard time meeting often as he is preparing for his debut. It seems like he will be the first one to debut out of his three childhood friends. We are all excited for him, and we support him in our little ways.

 

Every weekday, when the clock hits 5, I would go straight to the old YG building and wait for the girls' training to end to spend time with them. I learned to write songs and play the piano as I spent hours waiting for them. I buy them food and snacks anytime and deliver them to their dorm as they are not allowed to go out often. I critic their prepared performance for the evaluation and sometimes, join them with their singing and dancing lessons. I learned how to write and speak in Thai, all thanks to all the time I spent with Lisa. I also gained a few pounds, all thanks again to all the time the girls pulled me out to eat with them.

 

Another trainee joined the training pool of YG's next girl group 5 months ago. She is a Korean trainee born-and-raised abroad, and her name is Park Chaeyoung. A sweet girl with a unique voice. She sings great and dances very well. Everyone loves her voice and everything about her. Between the seven girls in the trainee pool, she ranks next to Lisa when it comes to dancing. She's a girl group material. She sings great, dances well, and has a great visual. Lisa and I enjoyed spending time with her. Our personalities fit perfectly well together. We love to eat and roam around Myeong-dong, so the three of them became Myeong-dong's and Hongdae's familiar faces for the street vendors. I became the big brother to these two cute maknaes. They are the little sisters I never had the chance to have while growing up.

 

Eight months passed quickly, I thought. I am set to leave tomorrow to continue my studies abroad. I spent lunch with the girls in the new YG building, then head off to continue our separate business after an hour. The girls went back to the old building to continue the training, and I went back home to pack my things. The girls were supposed to debut last month, but it was pushed back as YG decided to delay the debut of the group. It was agreed that it is best to push their debut early next year. Hopefully, the girls will debut around January 2013 if everything goes their way. I went back to my uncle's place, where I always stay whenever I'm in Seoul for the school break. I always stay here as it is more convenient for me to stay here than to stay at my grandparents' house where I grew up. My uncle's place is just a few hundred meters away from the old YG building where the trainees spend their training. Once they debut, they can enjoy the facilities of the state-of-the-art new YG building. Only artists who debuted get to enjoy the facilities in the new building as well as the various facilities available in Yang Hyun-suk 'dream house' where I am staying. The apartment building is a 6-story building 300m away from YG headquarters. The 5th and 6th floor is used as living space, and the remaining levels have various facilities for YG's family and artists.

 

I look around at his uncle's house. Everything is in place. Clean and quiet. Anyone can easily guess that it's the house of a man living alone. I packed my things I'll bring abroad and made sure nothing will be left behind. I call for a cab after making sure everything is all set. I will visit my grandparents. My Grandpa is still not amused by the fact that I chose to spend my gap year working in JYPe instead of working for him in Yunjin Group. As per my Grandma, I am still her favorite grandson, as I am her only grandchild. "You don't have a choice but to love me," I always say when I tease my Grandma.

 

The cab arrived, and I went inside the car. I looked around and started reminiscing my childhood. I grew up here and lived with my grandparents since I was young. My Grandpa decided that I should live in Seoul than being alone in our house as my father is always not around. I was 3 when I came to Seoul from Los Angeles, California. I lived with my father for three years, yet I don't have any memories with him worth remembering. All I know is he was never a father to me. I believe my father doesn't want to see me as I look exactly like my mom. My mom died giving birth to me. I grew up thinking that everything is my fault, as my mom died for me to live. It's my fault my father never shed a smile again. It's my fault, my grandparents, who mean the world to me, lost their loving daughter. It's my fault my uncle took the responsibility as the only child of the family. The burden on my uncle's back is too much. He feels he needs to be a perfect son after his only sister died.

Living in a world his family lives in is difficult. Eyes are always on them, waiting for one perfect moment to throw them under the bus. People are waiting for one of them to make a mistake to bury them deep in the ground. This is how society works. This is how I think my life works. I am trying to survive in this cruel world I live in. I know how to play this game. I need to protect the people I love, even if it causes my happiness. I am playing this game for the longest time, and so far, I'm winning.

 

I shared a meal with my grandparents every weekend since I came back from abroad. People say I am my Grandpa's best treasure. My Grandpa is a difficult man. He looks cold and stiff, but people say that when he talks about me, his eyes glimmer with joy and pride. That is why I try my best not to disappoint him. People say I'm a good grandson; people say I am someone every grandparent could ever ask for. They say that my grandparents are so lucky to have me, but it's the other way around. I'm fortunate to be their grandson. I owe them a lot, and if not because of them, I won't be here in Seoul, and I won't meet the people I am with right now. That's why I always make sure to follow everything they ask, even if I don't want to. My Grandpa looks happy and proud that I will pursue a business-related degree at the University of Oxford, like what he wanted. He wants me to study at London Business School to get an MBA after my 3-year degree in Oxford. He already planned my life without asking me if I like what he wants.

 

The meal ended, and I start to get ready to leave. My Grandpa insisted on having his driver drive me home as it is late, and it is a two-hour trip to Hapjeong-dong from Seongbuk-dong, where my grandparents live. I agreed as it is also getting late and I still have some plans to do. I stop-by to the nearby neighborhood where Jisoo's parents live. I spent a lot of time in this neighborhood when I was a kid. I paid my respect to Jisoo's parents and spent some time with them. After an hour, I went ahead as I'm still meeting someone.

 

I called Jennie and asked her if she wants to go out and walk for a bit. I want to spend my last night in Seoul with her. She agreed to meet and asked me to pick her up in the dorm. She was outside, waiting when I arrived. The car stopped right in front of her, and I went out to open the door for her. I and said, "Your Royal Highness, this way, please."

 

Jennie rolled her eyes and went inside the car. She hates it when I like that. She hates being tagged as YG's Princess. It makes her uncomfortable, but that didn't stop me from teasing her.

 

I ask the driver to bring us to Songpa-gu. We both love that place. It's quiet and peaceful — two things I love the most when I'm with her. The area makes me feel like it's just her and me with all the freedom in the world. We went out of the car and enjoyed the scenic view of the Han River. We were walking towards our favorite spot when she reached out for my hand and held it tight. She hugs me and rests the side of her head in my chest. We stayed in that same position for quite some time, while tears are flowing in Jennie's eyes. She doesn't want to let go. She feels like if she let go right now, I will disappear.

 

I hug her back and brushes my thumb on Jennie's back that made her cry more. Spending the year with her is one of the best years I had in my life. I fell in love with her even more. I held her face and looked her deep in the eyes. I look at her, thinking about all the things I want to say, but no words came out from my mouth. Throughout life, you will meet one person who is unlike any other. The one you could talk to for hours and never get bored. The one you could think of every day but never get tired and Jennie is that person for me. My fingers brushed the tears gently from her face. I love you; I love you so much. Words I'm dying to say to her. Words I have been dying to tell the world but never did, words living in my chest for the longest time.

 

Jennie looks at him, waiting patiently. Time passed, and I look at her thoroughly, memorizing every detail of her face. She gathered all the courage she has and stands on the tip of her toes and kisses me. Her soft lips brushed on mine. Her lips fit perfectly on me. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me softly. I recovered and pulled myself away from her.

 

She looked at me and said, "Is there someone else?"

 

"It will always be you," I whispered.

 

"Then, why?" Tears flow in her face again

 

"We can't. I'm sorry." I said while trying to avoid her eyes.

 

She brushed her tears bluntly and looked at me. "You don't love me the way I thought you do because if you love me, you will never think twice to fight for us."

 

The words that came out from her feels like someone stabbed me in the chest. "Don't think that way. I love you more than you know." I clenched my fist to fight back my tears.

 

"I want you to fight for me the way I'm willing to fight for you. If you love me, you will fight for us." She looks at me, hoping I would change my mind and fight for us. She hugs me, crying, almost begging, but I only shook my head and let go of her. She looks at me, bitterly. " You don't love me. You never did."

 

"No. Please, try to understand," I beg her.

 

She looks at me with pain across her face. "If you still want me in your life, let's fight for us. Together. But if you let me walk away from you right now, it means we're over. It means I'll be completely out of your life."

 

I shook my head and said, "You have a bright future ahead. I can't be someone who takes that away from you. I'm sorry. I love you so much. I'm so sorry."

 

I look at her back as she walks away from me. I let go of the tears I have been holding, and once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream.