Elijah

I looked at the next trainee, and an involuntary smile formed on my lips after seeing the girl standing in the middle of the room. A girl with black hair and blonde highlights. A girl with a small face, expressive eyes, nose, and perfect lips. The way she talks and walks will make everyone think she debuted already. Everyone can tell by just looking at the way she carries herself. She looks like she has the confidence most other trainees lack, but the funny thing is, it's the exact opposite. She lacks confidence, worries a lot, never thinks she is enough, and fear is a massive part of her system. She passed the YG audition last April of 2010 and signed the contract four months later. She has been a trainee for almost a year. I met her during the audition and stayed connected even after I flew back abroad to continue my studies in Eton. I spent time with her every time I was in Seoul, and friendship between us bloomed.

Jennie was born in Anyang, a satellite city of Seoul, South Korea. She spent her childhood in Cheongdam-dong until she was sent to New Zealand, to study at ACG Pharnell College when she was nine years old. She moved back to South Korea after spending her formative years abroad for five years. She was born in an upper-middle-class family and an only child of a doctor and a businesswoman. Her father owns a small hospital, and her mother is associated with a media company, 'CJ E&M'.

Jennie

My eyes roam around the room, looking for someone. I smiled brightly after seeing a familiar face sitting at the back. I met Elijah's gaze, the beautiful hazel brown eyes that make my heart melt every time I look at it. I love his eyes the most out of all of his handsome facial features. His expressive eyes will make anyone crazy, but what I love about his eyes is when he smiles. His eyes smile when his lips form a smile, and it is the most contagious thing for me. Every time I'm about to cry, and he smiles, I feel so much better. He has that effect on me, and he made life feels so much lighter. He makes my life so much better.

Memories flood my mind upon seeing Elijah. I remember crying to him every time I was criticized, frustrated, dead-tired from practice, and even when I was hungry. It becomes a routine for us to talk over the phone, even with the time difference we were on. He becomes my crying shoulder. I cried millions of times to him but ended up laughing anyway. I laugh endlessly because of him. I tell my fears only to him. I told him things I never shared with anyone, and he knows all my dreams and insecurities. He knows almost every single thing about me.

"Come forward, trainee Jennie Kim."

Elijah

I focused on Jennie's performance. She starts rapping confidently. Jennie is the only trainee who is fluent in English, so she was trained to rap. Eleven months of training did wonders for her. She improved tremendously. I smiled as I remembered all the times she cried to me over the phone because of practice. She puts so much pressure on herself, and it's not doing any good to her. Her mom wanted her to become a lawyer or a teacher, they even flew to Florida to look for a school to continue her studies, but she wants to pursue music and become a singer. She fought hard for this dream until her parents allowed her to pursue the thing she loves the most, music. I looked at her, making my heart warm as she is slowly getting to her dreams. I promised myself that I would do whatever it takes to help her achieve all the things she dreams. She has become a constant person in my life, and I fell really in love with her. Jennie became my strength but also my weakness. She is my happiness but also the reason for my tears. If she's not a trainee, if her dream is not to become a singer, if she's just a girl with a simple goal, it is so much easier. If life is that simple, I'll tell her how much I love her. I'll say to the world how much I love her.

I still remember the time I almost crushed her dreams; the time I went to her dad. As I look back on that day, I feel so selfish and stupid. Jennie and I had a mutual understanding that they love each other, and we thought that it's the only thing that matters. We were obsessed with the idea that we can find ways and make it work, so I gathered all the courage I can muster and planned to talk to her father. Talking to him even just for a brief moment made me realized how selfish I was. She shared her dreams with me, and I almost ruined it. Aspirations she will never achieve if I tell the whole world how I feel. Everyone knows about the dating rule not just in YG Entertainment but also in other entertainment labels, and I was too foolish to think that we can make it work. She needs to be someone she always dreams of becoming, and I should be someone who will help her to fulfill her life-long dream, not someone who will bring her down. Pain starts to build upon my chest as I remembered my last conversation with Jisoo before I left.

January 2011. Six months ago.

Christmas break passed quickly. I'll be leaving again tomorrow. Jisoo and I were outside of our house making snow angels. We were lying comfortably in the snow. Jisoo knows almost everything about me. She knows what I feel by just looking at me. My eyes were closed, feeling the breeze of winter air.

Jisoo broke the silence. "Loving her doesn't necessarily mean you need to date her. Dating her doesn't mean you chose her. Love is more than just a feeling. Love is not just about happiness and how the world portrays it. Love is more on how willing you are to commit as love comes with pain and disappointments."

Tears filled my eyes as I looked at the night sky. "Is it the right thing to do? I should fight for her like how she would fight for me."

"It is not all about what is right and wrong, El. Love her the way you think she deserves while supporting the things she loves to do. Love her the way you know how."

Tears run down my cheeks. Choosing her means supporting her while she's chasing her dreams. Loving her means I won't get on her way while she's conquering the world. That's how much I love her. That's how I believe she should be loved, and that's how I'm going to love her.

That day, I chose to love her.

Present time. July 2011.

The pain of that day still lingers in my heart. I saw how disappointed she was when I told her to take things slow and focus on our goals in life, me on my studies, and her on her training. I look around the room. I see faces full of dreams and hopes. I look at Jennie, a face I will never get tired of watching. I can't be here. I went out of the training room without anyone noticing.

I decided to go to my uncle's place, which is just a few hundred away from where I am right now. An old scooter greets my eyes upon entering the building. I bought this scooter last year from a vintage store in Hongdae. It was so worn-out I need to buy parts for it to run smoothly. I almost built this scooter from scratch. I did a lot of part-time jobs for this scooter, which is no stranger to me as I don't mind doing dirty works. I never ask for money from my family. They say it's pride. I say it's my way of living. I put on my helmet and drives away from the building. I am now 16 and legally allowed to drive a motorcycle around South Korea. I will meet and spend time with Jisoo. I drive slowly as I saw a familiar figure, a slim girl with beautiful silky hair. Even distance can't hide away her attractiveness. No one can deny how beautiful this girl is. I stopped right beside her and asked her to wear the helmet and ride the scooter.

"I told you I'd never ride that motorcycle!" Jisoo hates motorcycles.

"It's just a scooter, Idiot." She kicked my knee and walked away as if nothing happened. I grimace in pain and shakes my head. I parked the scooter and ran towards her. I put my arm around Jisoo's shoulders. "Never in my wildest imagination that a bully back in grade school will grow up really short. I bet you did not even grow an inch from last time I saw you. Imagine a bully with that height."

She elbows me hard in the waist. "Never in my wildest dream that someone as stupid as you will grow that tall. You were so thin and small before and used to cry a lot. Never forget that without me, you'll be bullied a lot before, so be grateful, Idiot."

She is right. I was that thin and small kid in school who cries a lot. I was bullied a lot before, as I look a bit different. I may look Korean, but my face still has a touch of Caucasian features. No one wants to play with me.

I hugged Jisoo and messed up her hair. "Sure, let me hug Chichu ." She pushed me away and gave me a death stare. Jisoo is always like that. She acts strong and tough all the time. She protected me when we were kids, as if my life depends on her. I love her like a real sister, and the same goes for Jisoo. She feels responsible for taking care of me when we were kids, especially after finding out that my mom died, and my father lives far away from me. Jisoo prayed hard to have someone to play with, as her brother and sister are much older than her. I came, and I become her answered prayers. She protects me from anyone even though I am a month older than her. She always teased me before that I was supposed to be a girl, and I am her baby sister. She was sad when I left to study abroad, but we stay connected, and our friendship grew stronger as if we are blood-related.

"I heard you're going to sign the trainee contract tomorrow. I'm happy for you, Soo-ya." I look at her as I received no response from her. I look at her in the eyes. This is the first time I saw her seem vulnerable. I saw fears in her eyes.

"Do you think I can make it? Do you think I'm going to be a singer? What if I'm not good enough? What if it is better to stay in school and help my dad with our business?" Fears are all over her face.

"What if you will be able to make it, but chose not to believe and just gave up on your dreams? What if you were supposed to become a great singer, but you embraced fear instead of fighting for it? What if I tell you that it's just you who thinks that you're not good enough? What if you stayed in school and helped your dad but will never achieve true happiness? Life is full of what-ifs, Chu. If you live in your what-ifs, you will be stuck from where you are right now. You have a dream. Live your dream." I held her hand and gave her a reassuring look. "You will be someone you always dreamed of if you trust yourself. If the time comes that even yourself don't believe you can do it, I'll be here to believe in you. Keep chasing your dreams. I'll be here to catch you if you fall and help you fly again."