Title (5/5)

I love the title seriously. It’s appealing and it makes you curious since the first glance, so you did a very good job with it! And of course, it gives you a hint of what we are going to find inside the story. The title gives us a general and generous view of the plot. Besides I think it is an original name, not cliché at all.

Description/Foreword (5/10)

Actually your description is just the length I like, because it is short, accurate and not at all boring to read. Yet I have a few issues with it to be honest. First of all is that it has error grammars, which I’m going to put on the grammar category of course, so I’m not going to talk about this matter in this section. Oh and I know that is an ongoing story so you have a lot to explain to do in the future, but I’m still confused about the part of “killed by a serial killer” because you haven’t touch that subject yet and such. I thought that Kai was killed by a ghost or something, but maybe I didn’t understand that part apparently, anyways this is just an extra because it didn’t affect the score. Second, it’s fine by me if you want to introduce your characters with pictures and their names, but I don’t like when authors describes the characters’ personality in there or their professions, I mean, is not necessary and we have to figure it out by ourselves (readers) how they are like, so I’m sorry but that kind of turned me off a little bit. Maybe you did that because you didn’t want to confuse your readers, but I still don’t like it.

Characters (9/15)

Your characters are very well defined, each character has their own personality and that’s pretty awesome, since we don’t want plain and boring characters, right? I love Jongin personality really, he’s just so caring and sweet that is impossible not to like him! And Kyungsoo, he’s so weak seriously, I don’t mean in a bad way actually, since I think that his character was made to evolve, I just know that at the end of the story he’s going to be a total different person in a good way. Maybe he’s going to learn to be more brave and independent, or more confident in himself.

The reason why I give you this score is because the story is still going, so we have a lot of them to see. As I said before with Kyungsoo’s case, characters are made to change for good or for bad, but they have to be dynamic. And obviously I haven’t witnessed that yet which is understandable, so yeah, you have to finish your story for me to analyze your characters in all their glory. Oh I almost forgot, I’m a little bit disappointed with Beak and Chanyeol, I know that in real life they’re funny and like to make people laugh, but that doesn’t mean that you have to put them just like that in your story. You are not the only one to do that, so don’t feel like I’m attacking you about it, is just that it is kind of repetitive seeing them like that in fanfics and is already predictable.

Layout/Poster/Background (8.5/10)

Your poster is great! I like the photos you put in them and I think it reflects very well the plot, besides you clearly emphasize the main characters putting them on the top followed by the supporting characters, I like that kind of little details. Yet, you don’t have a background so it looks blank. Maybe you wanted to make it look more mysterious considering the genre on your story, but you could have out at least a black background and that would be enough.

Storyline/Plot (20/20)

Okay, finally we get to this point. I was waiting to reach this category because I totally love your storyline. I don’t know if there are stories like these in AFF, since I’ve never read something like this, but I don’t care if the indeed are, because your story nailed it really. I love this genre so much, the mysterious scenes, the secrets, the action and last but not the least, you add ghosts! Like seriously?! That was an awesome idea! I love stories with ghosts, maybe because I believe that they exist and I’m very curious about it. Anyways, it was an original idea, but I don’t know, these facts are true, I mean about the phycologist working for the police and talking to entities? It is truth that it is allowed in real life?

Another thing that I like about this story, hence of this genre in general, is that it is so unpredictable that you can never guess what is going to happen next. Like really, I wasn’t expecting Jongin’s death, I really thought that the friend that was going is Suho or Baekhyun, but not HIM. He’s one of the main characters, so he couldn’t die…that’s what I thought, but I was so wrong and now I’m sad because of that. I wanted him to live so badly, but I’m fine with that now that he is an angel, but it hurts anyways! I kind of hate you for that for a while, but now I’m starting to get it over, so relax.

But I’m a little confused you know. I don’t what the hell happened with Jongin, I mean how the heck did he died? I don’t if I was high when I read that, but yeah, I’m confused about that. And why those ghosts warned Kyungsoo? They were trying to help him because…? Ugh, so many questions. Oh I’m being annoying right now? Okay, I will shut up now.

Grammar/Narrative elements (11/20)

I know that you know that you have a lot of grammar mistakes because you wrote it on the comment, but I have to tell you anyways. You had a confusion about the verb tenses for what I could observe and I say had (in past tense) because in the finals chapters you improved a lot! So you made mistakes just at the beginning of the story, which is great! I’m so happy for that really, so you should edit those chapters before the story gets too long, you still have time for that! Okay, here we go:

“He is a special person who could interact with the ghosts, which the humans couldn’t see.”

He is a special person who can interact with the ghosts, which humans can’t see. (If you start with a certain verb tense you have to follow it, of course that you can change it when the situation requires it, but in this case you have to follow it. You start with simple past so you have to continue with it. And another thing, is not necessary to put “the” in front of “humans” since with just putting humans is enough to understand that we are talking about humans in general. This was on the description.)

“Because of him, they solved many crime cases including the hard ones.”

Because of him, they solved many crime cases including the hardest ones.

“Will Kyungsoo and the others able to track down the serial killer?”

Will Kyungsoo and the others be able to track down the serial killer?

“Because the students noticed he was seen talking to no one, which later they found out he’s actually able to communicate with ghosts and they were afraid to approach him.” (Sincerely I don’t understand this phrase, I mean I do get the mining, but the drafting is bad in here.)

Because the student notice that he usually talks with no one and later on they found out that he can actually communicate with ghosts, which is why they are so afraid to approach him.

“The bullies didn't even tried to get close to him.”

The bullies didn't even try to get close to him.

“Although Kyungsoo was weird in the high school.” (Okay, if you wanted to say that he wasn’t normal in his specific school then it’s fine if you use “the” high school, since is an specific place. But if you wanted to say that he was weird in that period of time that is high school you don’t have to use “the”)

Although Kyungsoo was weird in high school.

“He’s able to speak more because of them, if he tried.” (As I said before, if you start with simple present you have to follow it, because if you don’t, the sentence will not have any sense.)

He’s able to speak more because of them, if he tries.

“But he couldn’t do that just yet, he needs to face another problem.” (The same as above)

But he couldn’t do that just yet, he needed to face another problem.

Okay, letting grammar aside, I want to talk about your writing style. First, I want to say that is was good, but you didn’t express their emotions completely, you didn’t convey their feelings through the writing which I have to say that is pretty difficult, not everyone can make people cry through their stories. Actually I didn’t cry because of Jongin’s death, but it was sad anyways. You do describe places and situations well enough, but I want to see more action since that is essential in the genre you chose.

Flow (6/10)

I don’t know if is just me that think this way, but everything is going too slow for my liking. Is good taking your time to develop the storyline, but I don’t know, I just feel that is too slow. I really thought that you were going to start with the death of that friend of the main character, but you did it otherwise.

What I really like is the length of each chapter, is not too short or too long.

General enjoyment (9/10)

I enjoyed your story. I like the characters, the genre and the action. And of course, the ghosts! I think it’s really cool that he can communicate with dead people, I wish to have that ability even though it can be a curse at the same time. The plot really got me and it is pretty interesting. However, is it kind of slow and that bothered me a little bit, that’s why you don’t have full score in this one.

I hope I've helped you, interesting story, keep the good work and good luck, dear!! Oh and good score by the way

Total (73.5/100)