One day became another. Months turned into years. Seasons changed, holidays came and went and life went on. I went back to Seoul and settled back where I last left off. I left London a day after she told me she was engaged and I never contacted Sophie after that. I couldn’t bear with the idea of her with someone else. She did text me to ask how I was but I didn’t bother to reply. Because of that she eventually gave up on me. I dated many girls after that. It was nothing serious but just to pass by time and fill the hole in my heart that she left. My noona constantly bugged me asking what actually happened in London but I didn’t feel like talking about it. I went on to pick up a drinking habit. First it was an occasional glass for every time I felt tense then it became a couple glasses of champagne after each day just to help me sleep. After that I just couldn’t go on without it. I was rarely sober. The guys would come over to my house to make sure I didn’t out do myself on the drinking and always made sure I didn’t drive after each round. They kept telling me I should get myself checked into alcohol rehabilitation but the thing is I’m not an alcoholic. I have it all under control. I never actually told any of them that I had a life threatening diagnosis or the fact that I went all the way to London just to tell the girl I have been crushing all my life on that I love her only to be welcomed with a man already by her side.

It was one of those weekends where I felt like wallowing alone at home with a bottle of fine wine and a good movie. It was only 10 in the morning but my head was already buzzing because the hangover I had last night hasn’t worn off. I was watching the TV with my feet up, nothing under my bath robe and a glass of wine in hand when suddenly the pass code on my door chimed indicating that someone had just keyed in the right password.

“KYAA CHOI SEUNGHYUN YOUR HOUSE IS A MESS. YOUR KITCHEN SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN FISH AND YOU SMELL OF ALCOHOL.” shouted noona who had her hands on her hips as she stood blocking the TV from my view.

“Good morning.” I greeted with a cheeky smile.

“Don’t give me that cute smile.”

She came up to me and pulled the wine glass from my right hand and confiscated the half bottle of red wine from my left.

“For goodness sake its only 10 am and you are half way through this whole bottle. You can’t expect me to check in on you everyday just to make sure you’re alive. It has been more than a year since you came back from London and you won’t tell me anything but instead you go off partying literally everywhere around the world, finishing recklessly the money from your own company that I have been working my off trying to save and sleeping with any girl you find off the streets. I won’t be surprised if one day a 9 months pregnant girl comes knocking at your door saying you’re the father. Just get over her already. I tried to introduce you to my friend but no you had to stand her up for dinner. Sophie doesn’t even care for you. She’s not worth your time.”

“Shut the up. I’m not a kid. I do what I want. And if working for me is so miserable then leave! I don’t need you anyway.” I shouted at my sister’s face. I could feel all the rage, pain, loneliness and frustration slowly filling back into me. My head was banging and it felt like it was about to explode. I didn’t know whether it was the alcohol and hangover or was it the explosion of emotions that my own body couldn’t handle.

“You dare say that to me. I am your noona. Show some respect. Look at you, standing up for a girl who clearly doesn’t care for you against your own sister. Shame on you Choi Seunghyun, umma and appa raised you better than this.”

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! STOP BUGGING MY LIFE. I LIVE HOW I WANT TO!” I yelled as I pointed at the door.

“Oh, that’s convenient. I’m your sister. I want what’s best for you and you get rid of me just like that. Don’t forget who took care of you when you were at you’re weakest brother. I sat with you through those painful therapies because umma was not strong enough but have you ever thought for one second that I shared those pains with you. Seeing you in pain hurts me as much. I was there for you. Sophie wasn’t there, she was never there.”

“SHUT UP. DON’T INVOLVE HER IN THIS. SHUT UP!” I was retaliating and unconsciously, tears started trickling down my face. No don’t cry, you are a man, screamed the little voices in my head but to no avail. I broke down on my knees in front of my sister. The old wounds suddenly felt fresh again at the mere mention of her name. All the emotions that were suppressed by the alcohol and partying and girls came rushing back into my system. It was pure torture. I felt my sister’s gentle hands touch me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and sat on the floor with me. She pulled me in for a hug and I cried even more in her loving arms.

“Mianhe. I was wrong for yelling at you.” I said.

“I’m sorry too. You’re hurting. I should have been more sensitive.”

She caressed my head to calm me from my outburst.

“I’m ready to tell you.” I blurted out of a sudden. My sister nodded knowingly and smiled sincerely at me.

So we sat on the floor as I recalled in detail what happened the last time I saw Sophie. She listened silently not interrupting me at all to allow me to finish my story.

With her legs crossed in front of her, my sister stared down on me. A disapproving stern frown was painted across her pretty face.

“That was your window of opportunity Seunghyun. Think about it, she was having second thoughts about marrying this guy. If she really is in love with that Ethan guy she would have said yes in a heartbeat. She was having second thoughts, you could have changed that if only you told her.”

“What?” I asked in confusion. The headache I had was buzzing that I couldn’t really hear what noona had to say. Suddenly there was two of her. I tried to refocus my vision but little by little noona became a blurry blot. My fingers were slowly feeling numb and I could faintly hear the wine glass that was in my grasps clinked as it hit the floor. I was losing grip of myself and the next thing I knew I was knocked out cold. The marble floor under me was hard and cold. I just couldn’t open my eyes no matter how hard I tried but I could only hear my noona’s panicked voice calling out for me. Then there was nothing.

From: Park Sophie

To: Choi Seunghyun

Subject: Answer me ahjusshi!

Hey, can you just tell me what I said wrong? Or did wrong? So we can go back to being friends? I went to your hotel the yesterday morning and the receptionist told me you left early in the morning. Wow Choi Seunghyun, you woke up early for once. Joke J I thought you said you’re leaving London on Sunday? Why did you leave early?

From: Park Sophie

To: Choi Seunghyun

Subject: You left your boxer in my laundry

If that title didn’t caught your attention I dunno what else will. Tell me we’re still friends. Why didn’t you reply my last email? Did you change your number? It keeps going to voicemail.

From: Park Sophie

To: Choi Seunghyun

Subject: To can play this game

Ignore me ignore me Choi Seunghyun. You’ll need me one day. :p

From: Park Sophie

To: Choi Seunghyun

Subject: I’m tired… :’(

Hey, I don’t really know why you are mad at me but I’m really tired of this game. Goodbye.

SOPHIE

It was our two years anniversary. Ethan was as usual busy with his clinical but he promised that we would celebrate with dinner at our favourite French restaurant down at central London. I wore a black dress with shimmering golden lace around its bodice. It was Ethan’s favourite. I sat quietly at the dinner table in the restaurant waiting patiently for him to come. He had made reservations and told me to go wait for him