School ended ever so slowly today. The weather was hot. The collared shirt was sticking to me from the sweat that I was effusing out of my body. Oh how weird the human body can be when it comes to balance. Balance. It can mean two things; the equal distrubution of weight or the amount of debt and credit you have in your bank account. Right now I look at my balance book and see that I am short $200 for my rent next month. When I paid ahjumma with the money that ahjussi gave to me, she threatened that she would take out all the stuff in my single room rooftop and kick me out if the rent wasn't paid on time. I have two weeks to make more money. I won't be able to get anything from ahjussi anymore since he paid me in advanced....Hyun woo, the kid that I tutor said he'll be taking a break from English tutoring and focus on his math studies. I have five hours till my shift at the store starts and I didn't want to go home. Home just reminds me of lonliness. 

I head up to the roof of the school. The sun was still out in the sky I could make out all the clouds in the sky. I'm only 18 and I'm this stressed out. Maybe this is why people take a cigarette to the mouth so they could blow away all their worries. The nicotine washes away the worries and the stress that fills their body. Maybe I should grab one when I go to the store today...I lean against the railing that prevents me from falling. Death. Been so busy with work I never had the time to think about it. It would be so much easier to die. Maybe falling off this building, or nicking my neck and bleed to death...But falling would be quick. I shook my head and cleared my mind of such macabre ideas. I let out a sigh and looked down. The fall didn't seem so far. It looked arms distance. It wouldn't be that bad would it? I lift my leg over the railing and before I could put the other leg over, I was pulled back so quickly that I fell to the floor and landed on something that wasn't the floor. 

"Are you crazy!? Like have you lost your mind?!" I open my eyes and look below. I was on top of Vernon. He face was red with adrenaline. His brows scrunched inwards showing that he was angry. Yet his eyes blurred with worry. 

"I was just..." I muttered avoiding his eyes. 

He grabbed me by the shoulders and looked at me with worry. He was about to say something but couldn't. All he did was pull me into his arms. 

"Don't do that. Please. Didn't we just become friends?" he said. I could feel his hand on my head, feeling my hair. My hand didn't know where to go. They just stood still. 

"I wasn't....." I whispered... I pushed him away from me and took out the blanket behind the air vent to avoid the awkwardness. I pick up my balance book that fell out my hand when he pulled me away from the railing. I sat down and he followed. 

"What's that?" he said trying to change the subject. 

"My balance book..." I said quietly. When I tried to put it away, he snatched it from my hand and started to look into it. 

"Give it back!" I said worried he would look at the debt I have accumulated throughout the months. They weren't mine anyways so why was I embarressed. They were my fathers. 

"Is this why?" he said as his gaze shifted to me. 

"What?" 

"Is this why you tried to jump?" 

"I'm telling you I wasn't trying to jump or kill my self." 

"If you need money tell  me."

Taken aback by his words, I couldn't respond to him, I fell silent for a second trying to find the right words to tell him. 

"Have you carried a secret that if people found out you'd be so embaressed that you would want to fade away from this world?" I said quietly. 

He shook his head no. 

"It must be nice to be an idol." I looked at him and smiled trying to avoid why I live the way I do. "You get picked up from school, you get to hang out with your friends, go to different places, and perform for thousands of people. I wish I could see the world without worries carried onto my shoulder." Tears start to well up in my eyes. I can tell he can see that I'm about to cry. He too fell silent. Going for his bag, he took a lollipop from the bouquet that I rejected from him this morning. He unwrapped one and gave it to me. 

"Just pretend this is a cigarette." I looked at him surprised. 

"You talk to yourself alot." he said. I chuckled and leaned my head on his shoulder. 

"Don't keep everything to yourself. If your sad say that your sad. If your tired say that your tired. Don't keep it all to yourself." he said as he leaned his head onto mine. 

~~~~~

Vernon walked me to the convience store even though I told him he didn't need to. His excuse was that there will be erted men crawling the streets at night and he didn't want anyone of them to come near me. 

"Don't you have practice today?" I said remebering the day he came in all sweaty from dancing with his friends. 

"Nah. It's okay. I can be a little late." he said.

"Thanks today." I blurted out. "Thanks for being a friend to me." 

His smile that he had while walking disappeared for a second. 

"Oh yeah yeah. No problem. That's what friends are for aren't they?" he said awkwardly. 

I nodded my head and told him to hurry and go. He waved bye to me and I entered the store. I put the apron around my waste and start to unpack the shipment from the back. Filling the rows of assorted milks and coffee one by one. 

"I wonder if he likes coffee milk...." I wondered. 

My shift was up and before I left I grabbed the coffee milk and a castella bread. 

"Ahjussi! I'm going to be taking this!" I said. He gave me his wave of approval and I left. 

~~~~

The next morning I went inside the classroom and placed the coffee milk and bread from yesterday on his desk. I took a post-it note out from my book bag and drew him as a cartoon on the lollipop. I slid the top part of the post-it note making sure it stuck to the desk. I looked at the time and saw I had 20 mins to spare. Proud of my gift, I skipped up to the roof and listened to music that I downloaded last night. I sat down against the wall and closed my eyes. I imagined my family still being together. My mother smiling as she cooked in the kitchen and my father listening to the news on the telly as he would sip on his coffee. I could almost smell his coffee. Hazelnut with a splash of milk. The smell was so real it startled. I opened my eyes to see Vernon's face 2 inches away from mine. 

"Morning!" he said. "Here. I thought you would be tired from working so late last night." In his hand are two cups of coffee with the steam coming from the small hole. 

"I didn't know what kind of coffee to get you....I just told my manager to get two hazelnuts since I like it and if you don't like it then I could just drink it." he said. 

I grabbed the coffee from his hand and took a  sip out it. The taste was sweet and warmed my body up from the cold summer morning. I smiled and told him it tasted fine. I could tell he didn't see the stuff on his desk since he didn't say anything about it. 

"We should head down." I said. He nodded and we both headed down to homeroom. When I opened the door, I could see a group of girls crowding around his desk. 

"What kind of stupid  person would give our Vernon this?" a girl said with disgust. 

"Is she trying to make our Vernon fat?" another said. Embaressement flooded my body. I could feel my face getting red. I want avoid them. I don't have the courage to say it was from me. Vernon looked at me and I could tell he knew the stuff was from me. He rushed over to the girl that was about to throw the food way. He grabbed her hand and glared at her. 

"Do you always touch other people's stuff? Don't you know it's disrespectful to throw away other people's stuff without them knowing?" he said in a scary tone. 

"O-oppa. I was about to throw this garbage away for you. Some girl put this crap on your desk." she said. 

He snatched the food from her hands and said, "Don't you dare touch my stuff again." The girl looked as if she was going to cry. Her friends gathered around her and started to comfort her. I sat down on my desk and Vernon at down next to me. He picked up the post-it note that I drew and said, "Do I really look like this?" He gave out a laugh and started to eat the bread. 

"This is good. Do you sell this at the store?" he asked. I nodded my head. 

"Thanks." he said as a he ruffled my hair. 

School ended and I headed towards another kids house for tutoring. I managed to have more kids to tutor because of ahjussi telling his customer about me. I walked across the street to the bus stop again and saw Vernon entering the black van again. The van was so tinted I couldn't see who was inside. Maybe his other members are in there waiting for him. The bus arrived blocking the view of the black van. I entered in and grabbed the hand grip. When I looked out the window, the van has already left. 

After tutoring, I walked my way to the store since I had time left to spare. My stomach started to rumble but I was used to this feeling. As I walk down the street, I notice a English tutor wanted sign stapled onto a wooden telephone pole. The bottom of the paper is cut into smalled strips that had the telephone number on it. Nobody has ripped one yet and I was the first to. I ripped the telephone number off the paper and walked again. I took my phone out and dialed the number in. 

"Hello." a women answered the phone. 

"Ah yes. Hello. I saw the sign that you wanted an English tutor?" I said trying not to mess up with my words. 

"Yes yes. If you could, could you come for an interview this saturday?" she said. 

"Yes of course."

"Alright come to the S.M building in Hongdae, Seoul by 4." 

"Okay. Thank you." I hung up. An interview for a tutor? And what's the S.M building? The student must be super rich and chaebol for him to have his tutors go through interviews. This means I could make more money and pay the rent on time of I get the job. I'll just have to ask if I could get paid in advanced...As I get closer to the store, I see Vernon sitting outside the door. 

"Oh. You're here!" he said. He was smiling and happy. 

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. 

"You still have time before work right?" 

"Yeah I have 15 mins. Why?" 

"Follow me." He grabbed my hand and pulled me to a restraunt just a couple blocks down the street. 

"How many?" the waitress asked. 

"Two." Vernon said. The waitress nodded her head and guided us to our table. 

"Why are we here?" I asked. 

"I was feeling hungry and I can't practice on an empty stomach." he said. He handed me chopsticks from the woodedn box placed on the side of the table. 

"They have the best mandoo and naengmyeon." he said excited.

"What can I get for you?" the waitress asked.

"Uh can we get two plates of mandoo and two bowls of naengmyeon please." Vernon ordered.

"Alright." she said with a smile.

The food came out shortly and my mouth was watering. I haven't had food like this in forever. I could feel my eyes dialate from looking at the freshly steamed mandoo. I could also feel that Vernon was feeling my excitement.

"Eat. I'm treating you." he said.

"Thanks." I said. I picked up a mandoo and bite into it to taste the juices from the meat.

"It's so good." I said excitedly. He smiled, pleased that I liked it. 

"Try it with the naengmyeon. Apparently it's good if you eat the two together." he said as he placed another mandoo in my bowl of naengmyeon.

We ate in silence since my mouth was constantly being filled with food.

"I noticed you haven't been eating for the past several days." he said breaking the silence.

I almost choked on the food but managed the salvage it away from my throat.

"What are you talking about? I have been eating." I lied.

"Why would a person who has been eating eat as if they haven't ate in days?"

"I just eat really well. Haven't you seen those people who do mukbangs?" I said trying to change the subject. But it didn't work.

He looked down at his bowl of naengmyeon and said, "Don't get sick and don't forget to eat okay?" He looked up at me with those worried eyes again.

I nodded my head and stood up to ruffle his wavy brown hair.

"Okay. Okay. Gosh why are you so serious? Don't worry about me okay?" I smiled at him and continued to finish my meal that I would probably not get in another few days. Who knows when I'll eat again.