2014/2015

Our senior year routine did not change much; we ate breakfast and dinner on the same table, lie on the same couch, smoked the same brand of cigarette, and drank the one and only 1664 beer every night before bed. Krystal got a modelling job in town, Taemin was busy traveling back and forth to our vineyard for his research, and I took an internship in a small business consultant company. Some things had changed, but the atmosphere between us was somehow undistracted.

The only difference that was noticeable for me was the feeling that I had for Krystal.

And probably for Taemin too.

It was a feeling that I knew I was forbidden to have. But I couldn’t lie to myself that, sometimes, it bothered me to see the closeness of Krystal and Taemin; when he casually kissed her cheek, put his arm around her shoulders, or just played with her hair. I even caught myself once or twice looking away when they whispered quietly to each other.

Still, nothing has changed with our relationship. Krystal and I still visit theaters together, Taemin and I went to basketball games once a week, Krystal and Taemin watched indie band gigs once in a while, and the three of us still shared our morning, noon, and nights, as we had always been.

Every now and then, however, I could feel my eyes staring at Krystal in a different way than they used to.

Called it "this twinnie thing", but I could sense Taemin watching over me with a strange look on his face when I talked to Krystal sometimes. Awkwardly, I always avoided staring back at him back then.

One afternoon, Krystal was out to buy some bread from the bakery. Taemin suddenly asked me,

“Is there something going on between you and Krystal?”

He asked without looking at me. His eyes focused on grilling three raw salmons on a Teflon for our dinner. 

“What kind of question is that?” I asked back.

“A real one,” he said.

I stopped chopping the onions and mushrooms on the cutting board.

“Something that has been going on for years, that’s for sure,” I replied. I paused for a moment to look at him, “that’s what has been going on with you two too, right.”

I uttered my last words as a statement, but somehow they ended up like a question. Taemin didn’t say anything in return.