Chapter Four: Fly
pendulumA yawn is drawn out of my mouth as I stretch out my limbs, stiff joints cracking in the process. I leave my room with the bed unmade and saunter to the living room. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I stare out the living room window and marvel at the brilliant expanse of white covering my front yard. Fresh, calm, and still. There are no footprints, no dirt and no grime, not a single stain can be found, just light ripple markings produced by the drifting snow.
I open the window and let the crisp winter air in. Like the slap of a wave, chill and sharp, it rushes inside and permeates the formerly warm space. Inhaling, I feel my rib cage expand as cold air fills my lungs. I take a couple more breaths and stay standing here at the open window, the icy wind wafting against my face as I continue to look outside.
Peering up at our pastel blue sky, I trace the shapes of our cotton-like clouds, bring my attention to our evergreen trees, then finally focus on the idling car across the street. There is smoke winding off of the exhaust pipe. My eyes linger on the wisps of silver grey smoke dancing in the air before I notice a set of scratches on the bumper. I remember sitting in that car when Kyungsoo first got his driver’s license.
“We’re going to die Soo, we’re going to die!”
“Hey! That’s my line.”
“Yeah, well this time it’s mine and oh dear lord keep your eyes on the road.”
“Oh shut up. I’ve got this all under control.”
“KYUNGSOO THERE’S A BUNNY!!!!!!!!”
I guess he never got around to fixing the bumper before he had to go. I wonder if he knows that his brother drives it now. It’s been awhile since we’ve spoken.
A couple more minutes go by as I stay standing, half expecting to see Kyungsoo walk down the stairs, waving at me as he reaches his driveway. I’d wave back and laugh as he raced across the street, reaching my place in a matter of seconds and waltzing into my house as if he lives here.
“My mom really needs to learn how to lock up before leaving the house.”
“Yeah, but then you’d have to start getting the door for me.”
“Who says I’d let you in?”
“How could you?” Kyungsoo pointed accusingly at me, “I thought you loved me!”
“Me loving you? Gross.” Right. I stuck my tongue out and laughed when he clutched his heart, mouth agape.
“Some best friend you are.”
“Come on you doofus, let’s go. We’re going to be late.”
My lips curl up, a bittersweet smile appearing on my face at the memory… And as always, we’d walk to school together, laughing and teasing each other along the way. Although our morning routine was predictable, it was comfortable. Something I’ll never experience again. A small crease etches itself between my brows at the thought. How long has it been now, two years? No, three... and I still can’t kick this habit. It’s hard to forget, it’s hard to not remember something so important.
Shaking my head, I release a soft sigh and try my best to wipe the frown off my face. I close the window quickly and catch a glimpse of Junsoo driving down the street before pulling the blinds down. What am I doing? It’s a Saturday morning, I shouldn’t be inside wasting my day away like this.
“What are you doing?”
“Huh?” I turn around and see my younger sister, Minhee, looking up at me, her eyebrows furrowed. “Oh, nothing, just wanted some fresh air.”
“Mmm okay, well breakfast is ready.”
“Already?”
“Yeah, mum got up extra early to do all the cooking.”
“Actually?” My eyes widen in surprise, “but she hasn’t made breakfast for us since I was tall enough to reach the stove.”
“I know right?” My sister chuckles as she replies.
“What’d she make?”
“Your favourite.”
“Chocolate chip and banana pancakes?” My eyes are probably shining right now.
“You’ve got the taste buds of a ten year old sis.”
“So is that a yes?”
Minhee responds with the rolling of her eyes and the shaking of her head. “Are you sure you’re not a five year old trapped in a twenty year old’s body?”
“Well,” I place my left hand on my hips and point my right thumb dramatically towards my chest, “this five year old is going to be travelling across Europe in less than 24 hours.”
“Touché.”
Laughing, I wrap my arms around Minhee’s shoulders as the two of us make our way to the kitchen, sitting down just as the rest of our younger siblings get there. Minhee takes the seat to my right, eyes the kids briefly, then whispers into my ears, “let the chaos begin.”
Seconds later, three kids are scrambling and fighting for the vacant chair next to me. Minji’s high pitched voice reaches my ears first.
“Get off! I’m sitting here Minjung!” I don’t remember screaming at Minhee in the morning when I was eight. She continues to yell and stomps her feet on the wooden floors while Minjung smirks in triumph. I don’t think I smirked that way when I was ten either.
I look over at Minhee, an amused expression lightens up her face as her head to the left. I look over my shoulders and laugh as my baby brother pulls angrily at the chair.
“No, me! I’m the littlest.” Four year olds…
Clearing my throat, I use what Minhee likes to call my ‘big sister voice’ and place my hands around Junyoung’s smaller ones. “Junnie, stop that, Minjung is going to fall off.”
After Junyoung removes his hands from the chair, I turn to face Minji with a stern expression, “Minji, you should know better than to be stomping your feet and throwing a tantrum, you don’t want daddy coming down angry right?” Minji is frowning, but she knows how much our dad hates it when they fight and nods.
I then bring my attention to Minjung, “and you, what did I say about being nice to your younger siblings?” Minjung sighs and moves over, but I stop her from getting off the chair. “No no, I’m not saying you have to get off. You just need to be nice about it. There are three meals in a day guys, Minji can sit next to me at lunch and Junnie can get his turn during dinner okay?”
Three heads bob up and down simultaneously in response to my question.
“Good. Now go help mommy set the table, Minhee and I will pour you guys some milk.”
“You know, you’re really good at this.”
“Good at what?”
“Taking care of kids.”
“When you’ve got four younger siblings with three under the age of ten Soo, you have to.”
“I don’t know… you got them to shut up in like ten minutes.”
“I’m just used to it that’s all.”
“If you say so Minyoung… if you say so.”
“Trust me, it’s not that hard. Plus, I’ve got you and Minhee to help me out.”
“Hey, now that I think about it, where’s Minhee?”
“Throwing out Junyoung’s dirty diapers.”
“Gross.”
After breakfast, my parents leave for work and I take my siblings to the park. It’ll be a while before we can spend some quality “bonding” time together once this day comes to an end. I really should have done more for them when I had the chance to. I guess I let Kyungsoo preoccupy my thoughts I little too much.
Despite it being winter, the sound of heavy boots thudding against concrete pavement, the squashing of snow and the laughter of excited kids can be heard as we approach the park. Just as the large oak tree comes into my line of vision, my siblings start yelling and sprinting towards their equally loud friends.
I pull Junyoung back and make sure his gloves are on tight before setting him free and grabbing a seat on the wooden bench next to the swings. As always, Minhee is already sitting down with her sketchbook out, eyes darting back and forth to scan her surroundings for some inspiration. It’s probably for her portfolio. It’s her turn to go and do her own thing next year. Her eyes are now focused on the bench we’re seated on and I can’t help but to look down as well. The circular patterns of growth rings capture my attention and I trace my fingers across them. The wood is tarnished, but I can make out about ten rings. How old is the bench now? I see multiple splinters sticking out and pull my hands away.
“Ooowww!”
“Stop whining Minyoung, it’s not even that bad.”
“Yes it is, look, I’m bleeding!”
“Well, what did you expect? I told you to wear gloves; I haven’t sanded these down yet.”
“Ughh, building a treehouse is so much work.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!”
Cries for help come from the jungle gym seconds later, breaking me out of my thoughts. Soon, my ears pick up more voices, some yelling in frustration and others in delight. A group of girls are giggling as they sit around the picnic table in front of me, the sweet taste of grape flavoured gummies and sour tang of citrus treats suddenly encompass the surface of my taste buds when I see a small bag of candies in the hands of a petite brunette. Kyungsoo always saved me the purple sour keys.
Shaking my head, I close my eyes and attempt to clear my mind. I rest against the bench as a gentle breath of wind brushes against my face, the sound of laughing kids soon replaced by the squeaky sound of metal chains.
“I bet I could jump off and do a backflip before recess ends.”
“You can’t do that Minyoung, it’s impossible!”
“How do you know?”
“Because. I just do.”
“Well, I’m going to try anyway.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Shivering, I tighten the scarf around my neck and shove my hands into my pockets. The kids around me don’t seem to notice the cold at all. If anything, I think they’re sweating from running around so much. I’m tempted to start a conversation with Minhee, but her hands are moving frantically across her sketchbook and it’d probably be in my best interest to leave her alone. I walk over to the kids instead and make sure they’re alright. Minjung is sitting on the jungle gym, probably talking to her friends about the group of boys on the tire swings next to them while Minji seems to be playing a violent version of sand tag. I’m pretty sure snowballs weren’t a part of the original game.
“That’s a terrible idea Minyoung, we’re going to crack our skulls if these have ice in them.”
“They don’t! It snowed like last night, they don’t freeze that fast.”
“Still…”
“Aww come on, lighten up Kyungsoo, you’re fourteen not forty!”
“And you’re thirteen not three.”
I tell Minji to be careful then let her be, kids will be kids. Now where’s Junyoung? Looking around some more, I see two boys climbing up the slides as Junyoung watches them in horror. At least the little one has yet to be corrupted. I walk over to my baby brother and tap on his shoulders. “Want to go on the swings instead Junnie? I’ll push you.” Junyoung nods and wraps his gloved fingers around my outstretched hands.
“You want me to push you?”
“Yeah.”
“Seriously?”
“Come on, I’m tired, I had basketball practice today. Please?”
“The things I do for you Minyoung, the things I do for you.”
My eyes peer over at the playground one more time as I push my brother. The once smooth surfaces of the monkey bars are now stained and rough with rust, yellow paint is partially peeling off the playground’s pillars, and the wooden boards they are bolted to are warped and sagging, but that’s alright. The kids don’t seem to mind the ragged state of this playground.
“Higher sissy! Higher!” My brother is looking up at the sky with a large smile on his face, his feet swinging back and forth rapidly.
“You sure?” I look at him skeptically, but remember that being reckless runs in our genes.
“Higher Soo!”
“Minyoung, you’re going to die and I’m getting too old for this.”
“But Soo~~~”
“Fine.”
Cause really, nothing else matters when you’re being yourself and having fun.
I hug my siblings, kiss my parents’ cheeks and double check that I have everything before walking towards the gates. Almost there. The chance to do the things I want, when I want. Alone time. I hear my brother whining in the background and turn around to wave goodbye one last time. Smiling, I ignore the disappointment I feel at the missing face amongst those who came to see me off and remind myself of the amazing experience that awaits me instead. I let the voice inside my head convince me into believing that this is what I’ve always wanted and move forward. We all have to grow up someday right Kyungsoo?
“Hi, sorry but I can’t make it to the phone right now. Please leave me a message after the beep.”
“Hey Minyoung, I’m reeaaallyy sorry that I couldn't see you off yesterday. I didn’t realize that my finals were postponed and you know how crazy things are with applying to grad school… I hope you have fun though. Spending a semester in Europe? I knew you’d figure it out. Stay safe Minyoung and take a lot of pictures. I’ll see you soon.”
My apologies for taking so long to update! I hope you guys like the first chapter =)
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