As the winds grow stronger and the lengths of our days become shorter, I think of us.

Our summer was finally coming to an end. The leaves above us rustled lightly as we rested against a red oak tree, autumn’s cool breath flowing through our dark locks as we conversed. We had forgone our favourite set of swings and opted for a lush patch of grass instead that day. Our legs were begging for a break after biking for three hours straight, but we didn’t want the day to end. It was the first time I had had so much fun in forever and the last time I felt like a kid. It was also the weekend before Kyungsoo left.

Kyungsoo. Leaving. Left.

Gone. Autopilot.

I remember my lips moving on their own, my mind a blank slate and my heart numb.

“Let’s go on the swings,” I stood up and brushed strands of grass off my blue jeans.

“What?” Kyungsoo had looked up at me, his eyes wide in confusion.

“Come on!” My hands found Kyungsoo’s and pulled him up to his feet, “One last time?” I tilted my head to the side and smiled, lips pressed together in a thin line. I don’t think I’ll ever forget how Kyungsoo sighed, then chuckled, shaking his head as I dragged him to the swing set. I didn’t say much after that.

I remember smelling iron, tasting it too. My hands had held the metal chains lightly while my eyes were fixed on the setting sun. For the first time in nine years, I was unsure of what to say. His departure was quickly approaching and the pain it inflicted upon me only continued to amplify, tearing at every particle of my trembling body. The previously gentle summer breeze felt like ice against my cheeks and my ears were only able to pick up the squeaky sound of metal chains rubbing against timeworn bolts. His eyes, his voice, and his smile, were no longer going to be by my side. Time was running out. I blinked back the tears that were welling up in my eyes and tore them away from the sky to face him. He looked my way and smiled. His smile no longer made me feel at ease. My lips started to tremble and my hands gripped the swings until my fingers paled. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. A deep breath was taken, but the confession I so desperately wanted to make was left unspoken. The courage I spent all summer mustering up had rapidly diminished to nothing. The words I wanted to tell him hid behind my lips then retreated to the tip of my tongue before they once again found refuge in my heart. I wasn’t ready to confess either.  

A quiet, "I’ll see you soon?" was all that escaped.