he breathes me in again in this familiar room. the bright pink walls of my childhood bedroom bring way too many memories for me not to feel lightheaded. i remember the innocent rush of romanticism fill my veins when i read those old poetry books. i was only a little girl with big dreams of one day falling in love and having someone love me back. as i look into his eyes i think i can check that box but instead of feeling happy i feel so sorry for myself. i think ive gotten too lost. i dont know who i am anymore. i feel like ive become everything hes wanted me to be but am i what i want to be? i feel so lonely in this messy world and this chaotic feeling in my heart is too much to bear sometimes. im sure i wont ever feel like this again because love like this only happens once. you either take it or you leave it. i take his hand in mine and brush my lips over it. his callused fingers itch to touch me but i hold it far enough so they cant. i'm too tired to feel his touch. i need to breathe. so much pain and love makes me feel numb and i need to get out. i need to get away to just feel again. i want to feel the wind on my face and the soft petals under my fingertips. i need to feel everything in small doses, not at once. when i touch him its like im under a thunderstorm, raging and . i feel all the flowers under my fingertips and it ing hurts. my chest feels like it's burning even when im not looking at him. its even worse when i do. so i have to say goodbye so i can feel normal again. this is my goodbye.