I'll listen .17.

If there was one thing I would never get used to being in a man’s body, it was anything to do with removing my pants. I had no idea how pro I'd gotten at using the toilet or taking a shower blind, but if anyone had to find out, I’d probably be in the Guinness Book of World Records for this… or at least these were the thoughts going through my mind until I’d reunited with the rest of the boys after my bathroom trip.

Bang. Crash.

The moment I approached their table; staring into my phone at Sehun’s texts about getting me to go with him to some Christmas Eve party with him (to which I couldn’t help but cringe at the mention of, thinking back on Jiho’s party outings); the sound of things clattering to the floor immediately caught my attention. I looked up; mouth agape and eyebrows furrowed at the commotion, and couldn’t believe my eyes.

I watched the waitress’s body stumble back into the table behind her. She looked horribly distraught; her back colliding with the edge of the table behind her with a relative amount of force, and I cringed at the few glass beakers that took a dive, crashing loudly to the floor. Despite how packed the restaurant was, all eyes were now focused on the waitress who without another sound, her heel and darted for the kitchen.

I stood completely stupefied at what I’d just witnessed. Or more stupefied at the fact that for some reason, the girl looked a lot like me. Everything happened so fast though that I shrugged off the uncanny resemblance, and frowned at how awful that must have been. Man, so embarrassing. Suga definitely wasn’t the type of person to be involved in such a blunder… which relieved me for a moment. I felt a tad sorry for the girl, wondering what on earth must have transpired for that string of events, and settled comfortably beside Jin who scooted over for me.

‘Uh…,’ I watched them as they continued staring in shock at the remnants of the shattered glass.

‘What was that all about?’

‘I have no idea…,’ Hoseok shook his head; a terribly dazed look on his face. ‘We were talking about the show and—OW!!’

I stared at the guy as if he were a toxic rat as he seemingly writhed in pain due to something neither of us could see, and Namjoon quickly took over. ‘Yeah, we were just—uh—talking about that TV show! The… the cooking one, right Jin?’

I cocked an eyebrow at Jin and he quickly took over, laughing in a way that made me incredibly suspicious of him. ‘Oh yeah! They were preparing… uh—sea—seaweed dishes! What’s that Japanese one called, ah…’

I perked up at this. ‘Wakame?’

Namjoon pointed at me with frightening enthusiasm. ‘YES! That! Ha-ha, it was—it was good…’

For some reason, Jin had his eyes on me for a long moment thereafter, however I dismissed the fact that he stared at me as intently as he did. Hoseok and I began going through the menu after that awkward prompt, and after a moment of the 3 and their silence as I scrolled through the dishes with my eyes, another waitress came to the table.

‘Hello and welcome,’ she smiled a little too brightly, reaching for the notepad at the front of her apron.

‘I’m so sorry for the ruckus. I’ll be taking your orders from now.’

Jin gave her an incredibly cute pout, and I could see the girl almost instantly stare at him with large, love-filled eyes. ‘Oh, I hope your friend is alright. She looked a little pale.’

Hoseok and Namjoon rolled their eyes. ‘There goes the doctor’s charms…’

And of course, I couldn’t help but agree with them. The waitress looked as if she was swooning already with how drunk she appeared on the spot; her eyes locked on Jin’s natural aegyo and mumbling some incoherent blabbering.

‘Y-yeah, I’m not sure what got into Momoe. I mean she…’

The name filled me with a nameless dread. Did I hear right? Did she just say my name? I stared at her as she continued rambling on thoughtlessly about something; her hands waving in the air as she did to perhaps distract us from noticing her obviously pink cheeks, however I was far too worried to even notice any of this.

Hoseok was the first to notice how pale I’d gotten; his eyes popping at the sight of me as if he’d just seen a dead person.

‘Whoa, hyung… are you OK?’

I didn’t know why, but an awfully ominous feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. It really was me. The only thing that went through my mind was the thought of Suga, and I quickly got up from the table; the boys staring at me speechlessly, and the waitress gaping in shock.

‘Uh… Suga?’

‘Where is she?’

I didn’t know why I asked that. I didn’t know why I freaked out as much as I did, but all I knew was that I was driven by more genuine concern than anything as the waitress stared at me with confused, surprised eyes. I mean, there was also the chance of it not even being him. The name Momoe could have belonged to a thousand other people in the country, and yet the first thing it prompted – almost naturally – was Suga…

And for some God awful reason, I had a sick feeling it really was him. He was even working as a waitress, so the coincidence seemed far too plausible. Over the past few days with the cold war going on between us, I could have kicked myself if something actually happened to him considering the shaken up state he was in when he left just moments ago.

‘W-well, she…,’ the waitress gulped, still staring at me in shock as she slowly pointed behind her with the back of her pen. ‘She just left, at the back of the…’

I took off before she could even finish her sentence. I could hear the boys call for me from behind, but my body worked against my mind. I entered the kitchen; earning a few confused stares from the staff as I did; and scanned the area worriedly for any sight of Suga, however it was to no avail. I got out the backdoor which led to a small alleyway, and seeing no one in sight, dialed up my number.

No answer.

I continued redialing the number as I walked further out, searching desperately as I did, however my calls all ended with no response whatsoever. I was so caught up trying to look for Suga that I had no idea the other 3 that were inside now joined me as well, staring at me with a combination of shock and worry.

‘Yoongi, is everything OK?’ Jin approached me quickly; genuine concern etched in his crinkled eyebrows and parted lips.

‘Did something happen?’

‘Uh…,’ I stared at him helplessly. ‘I… I’m not sure,’ I pressed my hand against my forehead and bit my lip hard. ‘God, I’m so worried. He’s been acting so weird lately that…’

‘What…?’

Jin’s eyes widened as he stared at me however I was in far too much panic to register any of his responses thereafter. I continued mashing the redial button in great succession despite how many times he failed to answer. I was so troubled that I didn’t even notice Hoseok and Namjoon join us in the cold, both staring at us with fierce concentration and worry.

‘What was that, man?’ Namjoon extended his arms; his eyebrows raised.

‘Yeah, you just up and left, dude,’ Hoseok pressed, and I looked up at them helplessly.

Their incredibly questioning eyes had me at a loss for words. In fact, I’d been so overwhelmed with concern for Suga’s state that I only now realized the situation I put myself in. Snap. I made way too big of a scene back there to slip under the radar this time, and I stared at them blankly for a long moment of silence; the number on screen redialing subconsciously.

‘I…’ I stuttered; my mind an utter mess.

I thought I had managed to get my pent-up emotions under control ever since this morning with the boys’ encouraging words, however seeing Suga leave the restaurant in such a state tossed whatever stability I imagined I had into complete chaos. I continued staring at them, and their stares only intensified in response. This was it. This was the end of the secret I’d almost successfully managed to keep for the past month.

‘I’m…,’ I was terrified of my next words. My voice was barely a whisper as I stared at them, readying my confession, and I could almost instantly experience their shock and horror at the sound of it.

‘I’m not Y—’

‘Not feeling well?’ Jin suddenly pressed his hand against my forehead; his body shielding me from the other two.

‘Guys, he’s got a really high fever. I think I should take him home.’

I gulped hard; my heart beating so fast it felt as if it were about to burst out of my chest. Despite the amount of times these kinds of situations almost sent the organ into cardiac arrest, somehow my current predicament seemed worse than all the others I’ve faced. I physically felt sick to my stomach, but I knew that stemmed mostly from the ridiculous amount of stress I’d developed ever since realizing it was Suga who stormed out the restaurant. Suga who was clearly hurting, but was being too darn stubborn to let me help out… Suga who was partly hurting because of me.

‘What? So suddenly?’ Hoseok questioned this with shameless skepticism, and I stepped away from Jin, entirely prepared to tell them the truth because I was sick of how much effort it required to keep up the lies.

I’d been incredibly lucky during all the other tricky situations to worm my way out of them comically, but this time, it seemed as if my luck had run out.

However Jin stopped me; his hand not moving from my forehead, and his eyes pleading for me to stay still, which was a sight I never expected from him. Play along, he mouthed, grabbing me under the arm with his other hand and practically dragging me along with him to his car.

‘Let me handle this,’ Jin said after throwing me into the backseat, and his words filled me with a dread I never imagined possible.

He stood for a brief moment outside chatting to both Namjoon and Hoseok – supposedly explaining something with creative hand signals – and noting their slightly disheartened expressions, I began to realize Jin was in fact scolding them. I picked up a few words as I watched them; things like ‘I told you it’s too soon,’ or ‘just give him time’, and I couldn’t help but imagine that they probably had something to do with Suga’s vulnerable state. I tried conjuring possible