White, white, red .16.

He stared at his best friend with narrowed, questioning eyes.

In fact, the blonde wasn’t the only one doing so. Both Namjoon and Hoseok stared in silence at Suga who held a few crumpled papers in his hand; the dim light of the studio blending in with the colour of his skin and the pages in his hand in a pale palette fit for a soppy watercolour painting. They watched this with grave concern, and a great deal of cringing agony as Suga recited the lines from his poems with trembling monotone.

The overwhelming confidence they both knew him for was now reduced to something as shameful as a pile of ashes in comparison to the current monologue playback. Suga was incredibly renowned for his powerful, viper-like narrations that were as striking as a death adder’s attack… however the grueling hesitation his words now held had thrown his entire career to the dogs, and this realization was made clear by the amount of pain on their faces as they listened patiently to his droning.

Over the past few weeks, Suga had been perfectly healthy to their surprise. None of them really questioned his sudden change in attitude considering they’d imagined he had finally learned to put the past behind him, however over the past few days, he’d become incredibly morose again. Morose to the point where whenever he mumbled a few lines in that awful dreariness that was totally uncharacteristic of him, a brief spell of silence would follow. And watching as yet another moment of silence was observed, the blonde pinched the top of his nose and stared at the floor in pain.

‘Stop!’ Namjoon announced for the umpteenth time that afternoon.

‘Stop, stop, stop.’

Hoseok slapped his thighs in frustration; the action not even earning a flinch from the sleeping member Namjoon focused on. The two stared at him for a few seconds and glanced at one another questioningly when he didn’t even register their eyes on him. And this couldn’t help but make Namjoon more concerned than anything.

Suga just… wasn’t the man he was the past few weeks anymore, and the two feared he’d perhaps fallen back into his sleep-obsessed state. The thought was a troubling one.

‘Dude, your lines are just…,’ the blonde paused, searching for an appropriate word. ‘Not reaching me. It’s like your mind isn’t keeping up with your mouth.’

Suga looked up momentarily and nodded before returning to his pages… or more accurately, returning to his thoughts. He’d been so occupied with them – from what Namjoon observed over the past few days – that he was certain the entire time they were at the studio revising his anthology, the pink-haired man barely registered a thing around him.

‘Suga…,’ Hoseok started, approaching him tiredly. ‘If there’s something on your mind, you should really talk it out with us.’

Namjoon nodded; his arms folded as he focused all attention on Suga. ‘He’s right. I’m actually ticked off that you’re not telling us what’s on your mind because that makes us feel distant.’

Hoseok threw him a conflicted look. ‘Mwo? Leader, is this the time to be confessing?’

‘It’s not a confession, it’s called being deep, pabo.’

Suga looked up as Hoseok touched his shoulder tenderly; his brown eyes were a mixture of concern and comfort. ‘You’re making our hearts ache,’ he clutched the front of his shirt with his other hand painfully.

‘You’re right in front of us, and yet so, so distant…! Such poetry…! Much feels…!’

Suga cracked up; the sound of his laughter almost instantly making the other two smile.

It was clear to Momoe throughout the past few days that they were concerned for her, and even though she felt bad for being as absent-minded as she was, she couldn’t help but find their fretting adorable. How was a guy like Yoongi blessed with such wonderful friends? She would never know.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, giving the two a genuinely apologetic look. ‘My head’s been up in space for the past few days, huh…?’

Namjoon patted her on the other arm and smiled encouragingly. ‘Don’t sweat it. If you got anything on your mind, we’ll listen.’

‘It’s what friends are for,’ Hoseok continued with a cheesy grin accompanied by a peace sign.

The guy had a unique aegyo that grew on Momoe over time like fungus. She smiled at how genuinely encouraging such a tiny gesture was at the time, and threw him an invisible thanks with her eyes for that.

‘So… care to tell us what’s up?’

She considered this question for a moment seriously, and her mind took a trip back into the past few days. Ever since mentioning the taboo word, Suga had grown incredibly introverted. In fact, she hadn’t seen that side of him up until now, and his silence was a frightening thing. Since that night, the two had been like passing ships in the night despite living together. He rose early each morning, left to work before she woke up, and returned home just as swiftly; the two barely in each other’s company over the past few days, which was something that pained her.

Did she enjoy hanging out with him? Of course she did. She didn’t even bother denying it.

More than being concerned for the fast-approaching Christmas dinner they’d planned to organize together for her parents, she was more concerned for Suga’s state of mind. Momoe had attempted initiating conversation with him countless of times thereafter, however his thoughts were seemingly a greater distraction…

Well, it was either his thoughts, or he was making it a point to ignore her. From the things she heard about Yunji being in an accident which led to the eventual deterioration of their relationship, she’d been incredibly careful with her words. However she had no idea that it was still an awfully sensitive topic for him. And she couldn’t help but regret bringing such a thing up as casually as she did that night.

In fact, what happened between Yunji and Suga put the Jiho saga to complete shame. Dead… the thought sent a horrid shiver down her spine every time she thought about it. The soulless tone in which he professed this… the listless, empty, glazed-over eyes portrayed a darkness she’d glimpsed into before but never quite understood the reason behind. A reason she now knew, though.

She thought she knew Yoongi, but she was mistaken. And the guilt was there. She despised herself for ever thinking she could learn just a little more of his heart, when in fact, she had no right to. Pssh, a friend? Her mind mocked. You’re just a troublesome “byeontae” in his body he wants to get rid of.

Oh, and the truth hurt, alright.

‘I’ve just…,’ she paused to collect her thoughts. ‘… Been thinking about a lot of stuff. You know? I’ve just been under the weather, I guess.’

Momoe had no idea if they’d buy the excuse considering she was certain she’d exhausted all possible tricks, however the two nodded quickly as if their initial question was upsetting.

‘No, no, we understand! Totally!’ Hoseok said; eyes wide with concern.

Namjoon eyed her curiously. ‘Does this have to do with Ito-nim?’

Momoe felt go bone dry, and she swallowed with some difficulty. Thanks to Jungkook, the rest of the group had found out about her real self in no time… not that she expected the boy to keep his mouth shut anyway. She knew he’d blurt it out some time or the other, but felt genuinely surprised at how casually Namjoon brought up the subject.

She had no idea how the boys always had some brief intuition into the truth of the matter, however she quickly laughed it off nervously; her voice shaking a little.

‘W-what are you talking about…’

‘Wait, are you guys fighting?’ Hoseok was the next to point at her playfully with a wiggling finger, and she swatted at him with the papers. ‘Ooh~ I see, trouble in paradise.’

‘Aish, women are always the problem,’ Namjoon shook his head slowly. ‘Anyway, make sure you apologize first. They love it when you own up, even if you weren’t at fault, OK? Because if this keeps up, you might run into that same problem as—’

‘AS!!’ Hoseok suddenly shouted, which startled Momoe as she jumped slightly by his outburst. ‘As—uh—as that awful TV show where people get… uh, stuff… I mean… do you know how terrible you’re performing? Ohmygat no.’

He shot Namjoon a warning look and the blonde immediately caught on; the realization of his mistake quickly setting in. ‘Yes, he’s right. And talking about women…,’ Namjoon said, pulling out his phone from his back pocket.

‘Where in the world is…’

As if on cue, the door to the studio swung open on its hinges, and in came an individual wrapped in dark, heavy articles of clothing from head to toe. The hair a dark, matted mess as he turned to face the other three; a flash of pink rising from his wrists as he brought them to his lips, blowing hot air into his fists with embarrassment.

‘Yah, am I late?’

Hoseok glanced at his own phone and snorted. ‘Princess is always late to the tea party.’

‘Dude, you’re an HOUR late! We’re starving!’

Jin grinned, rubbing the back of his head with a cute wink of the eye. ‘Aigoo, do I get punishment?’

The boys smiled knowingly at one another and nodded in unison, as if mentally agreeing on what came next. ‘About that…’

‘Table 12!’ the chef beckoned with the outstretched platter in his hand, and Suga raced for the kitchen.

He collected the order – staggering slightly as he balanced the generous array of plates on his forearms – and returned to the bustling restaurant front, moving his tired eyes over the area to spot the said table. The front glass door clinked open; the traditional bells and charms sounding the arrival of more customers; and he groaned inwardly as they seemingly occupied the last free table.

The work had been so demanding that he barely had time to breathe. His days – ever since day one at the job – had consisted of nothing but long, tiring hours of work, and short naps at night. The owner was nice enough to suggest he take the long Christmas and New Year week off, however Suga knew better than to take up the offer.

Ever since the mention of the name Yunji, Suga’s mind had unwillingly fallen into a dark hole of the past. A large, gaping trench that ever since being in Momoe’s body, he’d forgotten about for some reason. He had no idea how he