* Trigger warning * Suicidal thoughts and actions

It's been a while since this girl has sent us a letter. This girl just confessed the worst thing she's ever done, but for soe reason we felt relieved that she did. Maybe because we subconsciously began to worry about her and care about her. We weren't disgusted or mad at her for what she did after all she realizes her mistakes and we are assuming she hasn't done it again since.

We don't know if she has decided to stop with the letters or if something happened but we were worried, it's been two months already since her last letter to us. Although we couldn't read any letters since we had been on a tour, our manager told us we didn't get anything from her during the time we were gone. 

We are on a vacation now. Jaejoong, Junsu and Changmin all went to spend it with their families while Yunho and I stayed back at the apartment. I decided to go through all the fanmail we had, including older ones, just to make sure we hadn't missed her letter and of course I found nothing. I decided she stopped with the letters and stopped checking for it. About a week later though Yunho woke me up from my nap and smacked my face lightly with an envelope "wake up, it's a letter from her again!" I groaned and covered my face with the palm of my hand "alright give me a minute," I got off the sofa and headed towards the bathroom, rinsing my face off before join Yunho again on the sofa. 

I grabbed the letter from him and opened it.

Dear DBSK,

If you've been reading my letters then you're probably wondering why you haven't heard from in a while. I will explain.

I decided I was done with everything, with myself and the world. I fell deeper in my depression and just coudn't find a way out. I would sleep all day and I wouldn't eat, I just had no reason to bother with it. I had no reason to eat or sleep...no reason to live. What was the point? I had nothing. I decided to let my depression take my life away slowly. But then I became impatiant.

When will I just die? When will it come to take me away? Does death not want me? Maybe it can't find me...

So I decided to look for it instead. While my parents were out I went into my fathers garage and grabbed the rope and tried to hang myself. Finally death was coming to take me.

But then I opened my eyes and found myself in a hospital room. My father told me he came home early and found me hanging, he had come just in time to save me. At first I hated him for it, for bringing me back into the word I hated so much. I was then taken to a juvenile hall and had to stay there for a 72 hour suicide watch. Once I was released I've been going to a therapist and psychiatrist. I think I'm doing a lot better now. I'm now thankful that my dad came home early that day. But I don't regret trying to kill myself, if hadn't then maybe I wouldn't have gotten the help I needed. I don't feel hopeless anymore. I've been talking to my family more as well and they've been helping me. 

I told them about the letters I've been writing and about how I love Kpop and Korean culture, so they they would send me to visit when I had the chance. They even got me materials to study Korean along with a tutor to teach me. I'm learning faster than I thought, maybe because I'm familiar with it thanks to the internet. 

But if you're reading this and always have been then I'd like to say thank you for everything, thank you for reading if you are thank you for being there for me even if you didn't know you were. Thank you and I love you. 

I will be going to Seoul soon take a tour have fun, eat the good food and try to meet new people. I hope I meet you as well although even if I can't I won't be upset.

Sincerely Ashley Smith. 

P.s. Yes that is my real name. 

This letter played with our heart. The fact that her depression had gotten to a point of a suicide attempt got my trembling for her. But we relieved to read that she has gotten help and that is getting better. We wanted to try and find her if she was going to come to Korea. We asked our manager to help us find her and he said he'd do whatever was in his power. 

I truly we hope we find her.

A/N: hey guys sorry again for another late update, life, inspiration all that jazz wasn't happening for me.