Sending these letters and writing everything has been helping me a lot. I was glad I decided to do this. But at the time I was scared, if DBSK were reading this then they must be disgusted with me. But I've gone to far to stop now. It didn't matter if they read it or not not like I would ever meet them in the first place. 

I pulled out a new sheet of paper and began writing, though I hesitated...this time I was going to talk about the part of me that did something ed up. 

Dear DBSK,

If you're reading this, I completely understand if you are disgusted with me. You have every right to. Even I'm disgusted with myself. But I will keep writing. I can't keep this secret in any longer.

Remember how I said I didn't learn my lesson right away? Well here's what happened. 

I had met this really sweet person in 8th grade who was into Big Bang, she was really popular and she was very kind to everyone I wished I could be like her. We still talked sometimes on facebook. But she also talked to the fake people I made. I made two facebooks for them. One with the name of Hiro who was supposed to be Japanese and one with name Junggi who was Korean. I said how I've known them for a long time and Hiro and Junggi were best friends I had met them when I moved to that city. I said Hiro and I were a thing and she got close to my Junggi I think she eventually grew a crush for him and I played along. I basically played with her feelings, pathetic right? I don't know why I continued with my lies like that. I guess I enjoyed the friends I made through my fantasies. 

Eventually my friend and my "Junggi" became a "thing" and I hung out with her once and said he dropped me off but he chickened out at last minute and decided he didn't want to go in to meet her. Eventually I was going to get caught so I had to make up a lie saying Junggi actually had a terminal illness and he didn't have much longer so he went back to South Korea to see his family before passing away. So that she wouldn't look for him if she ever decided to go to South Korea I said his family is going to spread his ashes in the river.

Of course she was upset, she printed out his photo and framed it and put it into her room. God I felt like an . What was wrong with me? I never had the guts to tell her the truth I was scared. Even to this day I want to tell her she deserves the truth but it's hard.

Eventually around the beginning of my second semester things were a bit better. I gave up making fake accounts and made up less and just talked about my love for KPOP normally. Though occasionally I would still lie about boyfriends and what not. Later on I went to a talent show with my friend, it was quite boring. But then I saw these two guys on stage, one of them was someone from my class and the other was a boy named Tristan, they were break dancing and I was in "love" with Tristan since he seemed so cool break dancing while blind folded. (Well he said he was halfway blindfolded) And they started doing a dance to Wonder Girls and I gasped I was like "I love" There were no other KPOP fans around me so I was excited. 

I looked up his name in the pamphlet and added him on facebook, I commented on one of his videos where he danced to Outsider "Is that outsider?!" is what I commented. That's when I got my first real crush that lasted about 5 months.

But I'm tired for today. So bye-bye.

                                                                                          Sincerely, A 

I breathed out and folded the paper, putting it into an envelope. I couldn't believe how much I was putting out there. It was easier than I thought really.