petals, teardrops, snowflakes

A gust of wind blew and Chorong shuddered, curling up on reflex before her consciousness came and made her aware of a certain weight on top of her that wasn’t there before when she fallen asleep, keeping her warmer than she should be. Her mind was still hazy so she kept her eyes closed despite being awake, and then she felt it, a light brush of fingers on her cheek when they tucked her hair behind her ear. The calloused tips and the gentleness on the touch told Chorong who it was – because if it’s Jinwoo, he would had yelled at her the moment he found her sleeping on the school’s rooftop, not covering her up with his jacket and let Chorong had her nap.

There’s an unexplainable prick in her heart upon realizing who it was, so she stayed in her position for minutes more, willing the feeling away. She spent the times trying to listen to his even breathing near her, trying to imagine what he’s doing there while waiting for Chorong to wake up.

After a while, she fluttered her eyes open.

She saw movements from the corner of her eyes and Chorong craned her neck to look, rubbing her eyes at the same time. Junmyeon was already staring at her, a faint smile on his lips, his textbook on his hands. His fringe was getting too long, covering his eyebrows, but he looked so good with the hairstyle that Chorong never nagged him to cut it – unlike what she did to Jinwoo every time his hair grew out of control.

Her best friend’s sitting cross-legged, back leaning to the wall, only in his blazer although the wind’s a little bit chilly. Chorong looked down to herself, the weight on her that she felt earlier was Junmyeon’s jacket that he had draped over her as a blanket.

“… You shouldn’t. You’ll get cold,” Chorong muttered, sitting up and retuned Junmyeon’s blue jacket to the owner. It smelled exactly like Junmyeon, boyish and fresh and just nice in overall.

Wearing back his jacket, Junmyeon smiled. “Then you shouldn’t sleep here anymore, you will get cold.”

Chorong mumbled out reasons of the weather was nice when I fell asleep, but she still had her manner so she said thank you while zipping up her own jacket all the way up, moving to sit next to Junmyeon. “What time is it?” she asked, fingers combing through locks of dark hair. The school ground was quiet and the sun almost set, it seemed that she had been sleeping for quite a while.

“Late,” Junmyeon replied. “Jinwoo and Joohyun already went home. They were looking for you.” He put his book into his bag before turning his head to Chorong.

Chorong fumbled around her pocket, fishing out her phone, and indeed she had a few notifications from their group chat.

Soseumi

park chorong where are you

do you want to go home together or not

Baechu

Chorongie I’m going home first alright?

Soseumi

youre sleeping again somewhere arent you

im going home!

Junmyeon

I’ll look for her.

She didn’t ask how Junmyeon could find her on the rooftop, or why he waited for her when he could just go home like Jinwoo and Joohyun did. The answer could be as simple as because Junmyeon was a nice guy, and Chorong wasn’t sure she wanted to hear that.

Pocketing her phone back, Chorong sighed, “Let’s go home, I’m hungry.” Junmyeon made no move about it, still staring at her, so Chorong had to acknowledge him. She turned her head, locking eyes with Junmyeon, and from close range the mole above his lips was evident. Chorong blinked and looked up to the eyes, trying not to be distracted by the mole. “… What? There’s something on my face?”

Junmyeon stared – there’s a flicker on his eyes, almost like he wanted to say what’s clouding his thoughts, but he changed his mind on the last second because he just shook his head. “Nothing. … Let’s go home, we can stop by to buy fishcake on the way if you’re hungry.”

He stood up, offering his hand for Chorong to help her.

Just like that, the moment was gone, leaving a strange sense of disappointment inside her that Chorong didn’t voice out.

True to his words, Junmyeon bought fishcake for her and he walked Chorong to her bus station even though his own was on the opposite direction.

But Junmyeon was always kind and a gentleman, and Chorong didn’t want the flip on her stomach when she waved her hand to the said guy from inside the bus, Junmyeon’s standing outside returning her wave with a soft smile on his face.

***

It’s their last year on high school, and they’re graduating soon.

That’s why even though it’s self-study time, noses were still buried on the thick text books, grunts and whines were heard from left and right, chatters were about questions and answers from the last math quiz.

They were no different, putting their desks together to make a bigger one, facing each other and reviewed the quiz, and with every question passed, Jinwoo’s wrinkle got deeper, Joohyun’s sigh got louder, while Chorong was so close to ripping the notes in front of her.

Junmyeon glanced around at his friends’ condition. “Should we take a break?” he suggested, putting down his own pencil.

“YES!” Jinwoo practically yelled, his hair’s a mess with the amount of times he scratched his head for the last thirty minutes, while Joohyun leaned back on her chair, sighing again.

Chorong introduced the surface of the desk to her forehead, closing her stinging eyes, and she felt a gentle pat on her head, twice; the second was more like a , lingering longer than the first. Her eyebrows twitched slightly and anticipation built up in her stomach – but it could be anyone. When she looked up, Joohyun was sipping a small box of chocolate milk, Junmyeon was rearranging his papers, while Jinwoo was no longer on his place.

Joohyun moved closer to rest her head on Chorong’s shoulder, always craving for contact. She offered her milk for Chorong. “Can we skip today’s study session? I know that we need to study, but I’m just so…,” she made a distressed sound, “… tired.”

For a second no one answered as Chorong and Junmyeon exchanged a look – she wasn’t sure of what Junmyeon saw on her expression, but Junmyeon said, “Sure,” to Joohyun’s request.

“Joohyun-ah, should we go to a norebang?” Chorong asked, and Joohyun raised her head immediately, nodding with high enthusiasm, her previously dull face now had a smile blossomed on it.

“It’s been a while since we go to a noraebang! Hongdae, Hongdae too, let’s eat a lot and shopping!”

Jinwoo showed up right after Chorong nodded to Joohyun, he had his sleeves rolled up and there were drops of water on his face. “What, what? What is it?” he asked, slumping down to his chair next to Junmyeon across Chorong.

“We’ll go to Hongdae and noraebang after school!” Joohyun announced with a happy smile.

“… YES! Absolutely agree! Brilliant idea!” Jinwoo cheered, hands on the air, before he seemingly remembered something. “Ah, Joohyun, Jaejin calls you.” He jerked his head to door’s direction.

The four of them turned their head to the door where the boy from the neighbor class stood, he’s scratching his neck awkwardly and tried to smile when they looked at him.

Chorong whispered to Jinwoo, “Confession?”

“It seems like it, what else?” Jinwoo whispered back. Jaejin was always overly nice to their Joohyun, trying to talk to her in every occasion, sometimes offering to walk her home and such.

“Finally, I thought we’ll graduate without seeing him try.”

“Yah…,” Joohyun furrowed her eyebrows, nudging Chorong’s shoulder lightly. “Maybe he just wants to borrow a book…,” she muttered, pushing her chair back to stand up.

“Yeah right,” Jinwoo mumbled under his breath, “And cows absolutely can fly.” Chorong snorted at this and Joohyun, catching the words before she left, gave a slap on Jinwoo’s arm on her way to the door. Junmyeon shook his head at his friends’ antics.

“Is it because we’re graduating soon?” Chorong asked, eyes still trained on Joohyun and Jaejin on the door before they walked away from the doorframe. “The boys keep on confessing to her lately. As expected from our Baechu.”

“She’s not the only who’s popular, isn’t she?” Jinwoo’s question made both Chorong and Junmyeon looked curiously at him. He had a -eating grin on his face when he said to Chorong, “Did you already give an answer to our School President?”

Junmyeon’s eyes widened, and Chorong quickly kicked Jinwoo’s shin under the table.

“Auch! What?” He asked, clutching the abused leg, forever clueless.  

But it’s too late, cause Junmyeon clearly heard Jinwoo before. “Our School President…?” Junmyeon’s eyes darted to Chorong for a second before it returned to Jinwoo. “Kim Seokjin? He confessed to Chorong?”

Chorong pressed her lips tight, not making eye-contact with Junmyeon who’s glancing at her once more, and Jinwoo seemed to understand the situation just now.

“Emm… you… don’t tell the others?” he slowly asked, big doe-eyes blinking in a nervous manner, looking back and forth between Chorong and Junmyeon. “Ugh, emm… It’s nothing, forget it, hehe,” Jinwoo told Junmyeon, laugh unconvincing. He attempted to lighten the mood, “Um, ah, do you know that the bread store near the school gives out discount coupons?”  

Junmyeon didn’t respond to Jinwoo but he also didn’t ask more, even though his eyes when he looked at Chorong made a silent question. Was it a just a normal curiosity, a look of disappointment, or was it an accusing look, Chorong couldn’t tell.

“Hey, Junmyeon,” a guy showed up, tapping Junmyeon’s shoulder from behind. It’s Yixing. He smiled to Chorong and Jinwoo then returned his attention back to Junmyeon. “Do you have some times after school? Just…fifteen minutes, tops.”

Junmyeon spared a glance to his friends before he answered. “Sure. You need help with something?”

Yixing grinned, dimple’s showing. “Naah, it’s not me. Bomi’s friend… Ah, you know Bomi?”

“Your girlfriend?”

The lopsided grin on Yixing’s face was borderline cocky with a hint of proudness. “Yep, my girl. Well, her friend wants to see you, to…,” his grin turned mischievous as he winked to Junmyeon, “You know. Said she’ll wait in the backyard after school.”

“Ah…,” Junmyeon ducked his head after he realized what Yixing meant, a little bit flustered. “Alright.”

Chorong looked down to her book, sipping Joohyun’s milk without a word. She heard Yixing teased Junmyeon about it and Jinwoo asking who the girl was, to which Yixing replied that it’s Eunji from the first year.

Before she realized it, Chorong already finished Joohyun’s milk and she excused herself from the table, saying that she’d go to the canteen to buy another one, quickly leaving before any of her friends could say anything.

***

They befriended each other since the first year. They were in the same class too back then since there’s no class rotation in their school, and they chose the same club, the choir.

Joohyun was shy and timid, and she had thrown a hopeful look at Chorong from across the room upon seeing her in the music room on the first meeting of the club. Having someone she knew from the class was a great relief, it seemed, and Chorong had smiled back awkwardly, not someone who’s great at befriending other people.

But Jinwoo was, and he was bouncing excitedly on his heels when he asked, “Hey, you’re from class B too, right? I’m Jinwoo! Oh, the Class President is also here!” He was talking about Junmyeon, who joined them after Jinwoo called him.

Even though she seemed hard to approach – something she shared in common with Chorong – Joohyun was actually very playful, innocent and borderline child-like, that it’s almost impossible to brush her off. At first Chorong was overwhelmed with Joohyun’s habit of clinging onto her, linking their arms whenever because Chorong was not into excessive skinship. But now, after 3 years being her friend, it’s comfortable, having the warmth of Joohyun beside her.    

Junmyeon, too, had to accept his fate of being the babysitter of the clumsy and clueless but forever happy-go-lucky Jinwoo, since they’re desk-mates. Jinwoo was easily excited with the smallest things, smiles almost permanent on his face, and the smile was different from Junmyeon. Junmyeon was polite, Jinwoo was simply happy for everything and anything.

Meanwhile, Junmyeon was a people-pleaser, always trying his best for the people around him, putting others’ need before his own. Often, it put him on a disadvantage, giving him more work than necessary, still Junmyeon rarely refused or rejected people’s request at him.

Chorong wondered if this time, too, Junmyeon wouldn’t reject the confession he’d received, because it wouldn’t be the first time.

“Junmyeon takes too long,” Joohyun said after checking the time. They were waiting for Junmyeon after school at the bread store nearby, the one Jinwoo mentioned before. She took a small bite of her bread, humming lightly in appreciation before she looked up to Jinwoo. “Do you think he’ll accept her?”

Chorong twirled the straw on her drink, keeping her eyes focused on the rotation.

“Maybe? Did Junmyeon ever reject the girl who confessed to him?” Jinwoo asked back, half-chewing his mocha bread. “But since the KAST is near, he probably wants to concentrate on it.” Suddenly he turned his attention to Joohyun. “Yah, you haven’t told us about Jaejin. Did he really confess?”

“Wha—What’s that… why suddenly…,” she pouted, the pretty face had a displeased frown on it.

“Come on, tell us!” Jinwoo looked at Chorong, silently asking for a back-up, and Chorong, wanting to change the topic to anything but Junmyeon, directing her gaze to Joohyun also.

Joohyun squirmed in her place after the sudden interest. “Hm…, ah, he did…,” she said in a murmur.

“Seriously?” Even though it was expected, still Chorong was surprised. “He seriously did confess?” Her best friend nodded, cheeks tinged with pink.

Jinwoo leaned forward. “So did you accept him?”

This time, Joohyun shook her head, making Jinwoo’s eyes widened.

“Eh? Whyyy?”

“What do you mean, why… It’s because I don’t feel the same way,” she said, shredding her bread into small pieces. “… Anyway, Junmyeon is late. He doesn’t check his phone,” Joohyun seemed eager to change the topic back to Junmyeon as she looked at Junmyeon’s last seen time on their group chat. “Maybe he does accept her…?”

Something swirled in Chorong’s stomach, much like the whirl she made on her drink. She stood up. “… I’ll go get him.”

The walk back to the school, somehow, was colder – Chorong suspected it had nothing to do at all with the temperature.

She headed straight to the backyard, thinking that it’d be fine since she’s Junmyeon’s best friend, it should be normal for her to check on him, but the closer she was, the heavier her steps were. She completely stopped in the hallway, the chatters of students slowly fading into a background noise when Chorong took deep a breath, preparing herself for anything she might hear from Junmyeon later. It wouldn’t be the first time, she reminded herself, but unwanted flashes of Junmyeon laughing with a girl on his side came on automatic and her stomach dropped at the thought.

Before Chorong could continue her steps, Junmyeon showed up from around the corner.

“… Chorong?” Junmyeon saw her first, and Chorong unclenched the fists she didn’t realize she balled up. “What are you doing here? I thought you said you’ll wait at the bread store.” He took long strides to her, pushing his long fringe away from his face while doing so.

Trying to find back her tongue, Chorong cleared first. “Joohyun… She’s impatient. And you didn’t check your phone.”

He stopped in front of her, “Ah…, I’m sorry. It’s in my bag…”

Chorong couldn’t help but to scrutinized Junmyeon’s appearance, searching for a telltale that might give out what happened between Junmyeon and Eunji, perhaps a look of excitement for having a new girlfriend. But she found none – Junmyeon’s eyes when he looked at her were as earnest as every day, a slight curl on the end of his lips when he noticed Chorong’s staring too, everything was the same.

He raised an eyebrow at her.

She shook her head. “Let’s just go back…”

Junmyeon fell onto steps right beside her, too close until Chorong’s elbow nudged his when she shoved her hands into her jacket’s pocket, but Junmyeon didn’t seem to mind, keeping the distance still.

“Is it cold? You look a little pale…,” he asked when they reached the front yard, tilting his head to look at Chorong’s face. He’s always attentive and caring, it’s beyond Chorong’s understanding why he got dumped by the girls who confessed to him.

“I’m fine,” Chorong mumbled. She didn’t feel as cold as before, but what she didn’t tell him was the whirl in her stomach which seemed like it wouldn’t stop until Chorong knew what Junmyeon’s answer to the confession was. She bit her lower lips. “You…,” she started, and Junmyeon glanced at her, curious, perhaps a little bit worried too, “… You took a long time.”

“… Ah.” He paused, looking up to the front for a second before he lowered his gaze. “Yes. We talked a bit…”

Chorong swallowed the lump in . “You accepted her confession?”

Junmyeon took a moment, almost like he thought about whether he had to tell Chorong the truth or not, but finally he answered. “I didn’t.”

It was the answer Chorong had hoped for, yet at the same it’s not what she prepared to hear, and she stopped in her track without even realizing it. “What?”

“I rejected her,” Junmyeon stopped walking, too, and he turned around to face Chorong. His smile this time was dry, as if he was the one who was rejected and not the other way around. . “She wanted to know why…,” Junmyeon started to rub on his temple, and Chorong could only guess that it troubled Junmyeon, that he had to hurt someone. “… Is it because of the exam, and what about after exam… She wanted to know if it will bother me if she makes me lunch and…,” he trailed off, shrugging. “That’s why it took longer.”

“Is it?” Chorong blurted out and Junmyeon looked up to her, “Is it because of the exam? Will you…,” she couldn’t help it that she had to know, “Will you go out with her after the exam, then?”

The shift was barely there, but Chorong saw it on Junmyeon’s face – it’s that look again, the one that left Chorong with an impression that Junmyeon had something to say to her. And she hated it, the fact that Junmyeon never did, because sometimes it’s as if he waited for her to be the one who spoke first, and the other times the look was gone the moment Chorong blinked, almost like it’s just her imagination and wistful thinking.

“No,” Junmyeon answered, firm and determined. “I won’t go out with her even after the exam.”

She blinked several times, the whirl disappeared like a magic. Unconsciously, Chorong continued to ask, “… Why? You… always accepted confessions before.”

“… I did,” Junmyeon admitted. “But I realize now, that it’s not the right thing to do when I have no feelings to the other person. Even though I can try, I can’t change my feelings. In the end I just hurt them more, and I don’t want to do that anymore.” He kept his eyes on Chorong’s when he said all that, and the feelings were too much Chorong suddenly felt sick.

She forced a small laugh, walking passed Junmyeon. “Woah, you sound so mature, Kim Junmyeon.” She hoped Junmyeon didn’t notice how her voice almost cracked in the end.

Junmyeon didn’t reply, and Chorong didn’t look back, avoiding eye-contact with him for the rest of their outing.

They had fun that evening, for once forgetting that the KAST was coming in a couple of weeks.

They almost lost Jinwoo in a store when he didn’t follow them out, and Junmyeon had to go back to search for him – because based on experience, it’s so easy for Kim Jinwoo to got lost even in his own neighborhood. Per Chorong’s request, they ate chicken feet, but because Joohyun couldn’t eat chicken, they also ordered bossam, and ended the night with cheese bingsu. Even though they were all in the choir, they couldn’t care less about singing properly or hitting the right notes while singing to EXID’s Up&Down and 2NE1’s I’m The Best at the noraebang.

It’s almost 10 when they called it off, walking along the street in pairs, Joohyun linked her arm with Chorong’s as always while behind them Jinwoo complained that it’s cold and moved closer to Junmyeon, and although he’s chuckling, Junmyeon slung his arm around Jinwoo’s shoulder.

“Chorongie,” Joohyun whispered, making sure the boys wouldn’t hear her. “Did something happen with Junmyeon? He looks… distracted,” she pursed her lips a little. “Did he tell you anything before?”

“Well, he said he rejected the junior…,” Chorong replied, tilting her head a little when Joohyun rested her head on her shoulder. “You know Junmyeon, maybe he feels guilty. I don’t know.”

Joohyun let out a sigh. “Junmyeon is really nice. Even if he didn’t like them, he tried his best to please his girlfriend. But I guess you can’t fake love…” There’s something in her tone that made Chorong curious, because the way Joohyun talked speak of longing, but Joohyun didn’t continue so she kept the question to herself.

They reached the bus stop right on time when Junmyeon’s and Joohyun’s bus came, and they had to rush a little in order not to be late.

“Thank you for ditching the study session for me today, see you tomorrow?” Joohyun said, climbing onto to bus and almost fell due to missing a step if it’s not for Junmyeon’s guiding hand on the small of her back. She smiled sheepishly at Junmyeon who smiled back. There’s a knot formed on Chorong’s stomach, because the two of them looked like a picture perfect of a couple.

“See you!” Jinwoo waved, and Chorong remembered that she had to do the same.  

Now there’s just the two of them, Chorong and Jinwoo, waiting for their bus, and Jinwoo was patting his stomach, saying that he felt so full he wouldn’t eat for two days, when Chorong received a message.

It’s a private message outside their group chat.

Junmyeon

Text me when you get home, alright?

Junmyeon asked her once, why he’s the only one between the three whose name in Chorong’s phone was his real name, and back then Chorong just said because Junmen was too good for him. He had laughed, voice rich and left a tingling feeling inside Chorong. She’s thankful he didn’t pursue any longer because Chorong didn’t have a real answer. There’s no way she could answer with, because you’re different.

“Yah, don’t stare at your phone like that, you look scary,” Jinwoo suddenly said, nudging her with his elbow. He looked down to Chorong’s face when she glared at him, and grinned afterward. “… Chorong-ah, you’re not mad at me, right?”

“Why should I?” she asked back, confused, putting away her phone without replying Jumyeon’s message. She didn’t know what to say when he treated her like that.

“This morning… I really didn’t know that it’s a secret, Jin’s confession to you,” he scratched the back of his head, fidgeting. “I’m sorry, I thought Junmyeon knows.”

Jinwoo could be thoughtless, but Chorong knew that he really meant what he said. She exhaled. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Why you didn’t tell him?”

“Because, it’s not important. And besides it’s not a confession? Jin only said that I’m a senior he respects a lot, and he wishes me luck for the exam, he wanted to eat with me after the exam…” Chorong ignored Jinwoo’s mutter of sounds like a confession to me, although yes, it’s probably a confession. They worked together on a school event before, and Chorong liked him because he’s full of ideas but not aggressive with them, also patient and detailed with his work. She never thought that he liked her more than a close friend.

Jinwoo peeked at her curiously. “Does Joohyun know?”

“Hmm… She does.” Chorong remembered telling her when they went to the bathroom, Chorong leaning to the wall while Joohyun washed her hands. She looked at Chorong through the reflection in the mirror, asking, Chorong-ah, is there someone you like?, when Chorong said she’s going to reject Jin.

Chorong had said no, pushing away images of a kind smile and snow-like skin.

“They why does it matter if Junmyeon know?”

already opened – yet Chorong found herself unable to answer the question. Because it doesn’t matter, but at the same time, the thought that it doesn’t matter for Junmyeon terrified her.

Seconds passed just like that, and Jinwoo stared at her some before he leaned back. “… I hope you’ll tell him, one day,” he said quietly, patting her head in a way that speak your secret’s safe with me, and it didn’t seem like he’s talking about Jin’s confession anymore.

Chorong let that unanswered too.

shout out for ming-chan (who I forced to be a beta-reader)