Junmyeon was good company for Joohyun, mostly because they had a lot more in common that Seungwan would have thought, despite their difference social statuses.  The group had warmed up to him quite considerably over the last few weeks due to his charm and likable awkwardness.  He wasn’t the most confident guy but it didn’t take one of those to be able to impress her friends because it only took a caring person to do that and it was very clear to see he cared for Joohyun the most.

Joohyun, of course, was oblivious to the special attention she got from him, something that could be expected from someone like her.  Joohyun was always oblivious to the admiring stares and glances that boys gave her, partly because boys rarely approached her with the intent of asking her out.  Seungwan thought it was because they were intimidated by her or the entire group of friends she had.  Joohyun was a quiet person, which could be mistaken as snobby and stuck up to everyone else except for the people that knew her.  She was just socially awkward and that wasn’t anything to be afraid of but boys were a strange and they just didn’t get it, not like Junmyeon did.

“I think Junmyeon will ask her out two nights from now,” Sooyoung said, peeling an apple for the both of them to eat.

“Why do you say that?” Seungwan snorted.  She was getting some crackers out onto her plate to get in some carbs for the day.  She wouldn’t have watched her figure if she were still in a relationship but now that it was definite she wasn’t, there was no point in maintaining it.  She just didn’t care to do so.

“Mark is throwing a party two nights from now and we’re all invited.  Junmyeon just seems like the type that would ask her out on an occasion like that.  Somewhere with a lot of people around so he won’t have to feel awkward doing it,” she pondered.

“We’ll see what happens,” Seungwan shrugged.  “When was I going to be told Mark was having a party?”

Sooyoung’s brows furrowed and she tilted her head to the side.  “He didn’t text you about it.  He said he texted everyone.”

He hadn’t texted her.  Mark hadn’t told her the details about the party and that bothered her.  It wasn’t because she used to have romantic feelings for him and she felt rejected but because she thought she was his friend.  Apparently Mark didn’t think they were and he didn’t think that she was worth the invitation to his house party.  She didn’t think that there would be a day that Mark would shut her out completely, that he would just act as if she’d never even been his friend, that he wouldn’t confront her about the decision he made to cut her out of his life.  He was being cowardly in that manner and she wasn’t sure if she was going to sit back on her and accept that.  After all, it was costing her an invite to a party.

“You know I’m going to go to that party with or without an invitation.”  Seungwan shrugged, acting as if it didn’t bother her at all.

“What’s going on between you and Mark now?  Are you over Sehun that fast again?”  Sooyoung asked, slowly chewing her apple.

“I don’t know.  I don’t think I much of anything anymore.”  Seungwan shrugged again.  “I just know I don’t want a boyfriend anytime soon.”

“Why?”

“I’m not ready for a relationship like that, Sooyoung.  The place Sehun and I were heading— I wasn’t ready for that at all.”

She received a nod of the head without any further questions and she knew that her friend understood her.  If anyone were going to understand it would have been Sooyoung.  Both of them seemed to be going through the same thing.

Why had she broken up with Sehun?  That was the question she’d asked herself the past month.  When she’d broken up with Sehun, she’d asked herself why she’d done it, why she hadn’t held on to any bit of the connection she’d had with him.  The memories she had with him seemed like a lifetime ago so she found it odd that she could recall the feeling of being held by him, kissed by him, wooed by him on some occasions.  His words and his touch had just been a small part of it.  When she asked herself why she’d broken up with him, she supposed that she could answer that it had been pure instinct to do so.  She’d had to think about it for a while and when she did, she’d found her answer.

Seungwan wasn’t ready. 

She was only seventeen, an age that society had deemed it perfectly okay to have boyfriends and ual experiences.  It was the perfect time to experiment a little, but only just a little, just enough to say that she’d done it.

She had experience.  She wasn’t a in all aspects but one.  She’d had , she’d smoked a few times before and she’d already had her first drink by the time she was fifteen.  Seungwan was pretty and popular, a fact that was evidenced by how many friends and admirers she had.  They all saw her and they saw something that didn’t really exist.  They saw perfection.

She wasn’t perfect and she was never going to be but they all saw perfection because that was what she wanted them to see.  She put on a front and she lied about who she was and the things she did on weekends.  She strategically let people believe certain rumors about her to enhance the image that she had at school because she was a coward.  She was a good for nothing spineless that was afraid of people knowing the truth.

She didn’t want to be seen as a normal girl.  She wanted them to see a cliche.  Seungwan needed that to feel accepted and as ed up as it was, she enjoyed the attention even if it was all a lie.  That was who she was.  She didn’t like herself for it most days but that was who she was.

“Sehun doesn’t need to be in a relationship with a girl that doesn’t really exist,” she said, out of the blue.  “He’s a good guy and he doesn’t deserve that.”

“You never gave him a chance to get to know you,” Sooyoung pointed out.

Seungwan’s face twisted into the shape of a forced smile.  “The thing is, I don’t think I wanted him to know me.  I would always tell him that he should get to know me but he would just tell me that he only cared about who I was in the moment.  That was who he liked.  He didn’t like the real me, not the one who’s a two faced .”

“I know what you mean.  The four of us are all two faced es,”  Sooyoung said, bitterly.  “Even pretty little Joohyun.  She doesn’t speak up to tell anyone she’s no