It was a pitiful sight; six young high school students standing around one hospital bed, dark bags under eyes and hands shaking. No one spoke, and even if one of us wanted to what was there to say? Yoongi stood closest to Hoseok. His eyes were red and swollen but no tears fell. He had already cried all his tears. I stood by the door, shifting uncomfortably. I felt out of place among the close friends. Namjoon sat in a chair next to me, taking my hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze every so often. I smiled shyly, a light blush on my cheeks at the contact. A nurse entered the room, notifying us that visiting hours were almost over and only Yoongi could stay. We rose slowly, saying goodbye to Yoongi and a still unresponsive Hoseok.

The doctor initially said that Hoseok's recovery would be quick, that was until they discovered the internal bleeding caused by the amount of painkillers he had taken before slitting his wrists.

Truthfully it was a miracle he had survived. Hoseok lost so much blood, that was obvious the moment we saw Hoseok laying in a growing pool of his own blood, Yoongi splayed over him trying to wake him. Luckily a hospital resides a mere 10 minutes from the school, so the ambulance arrived swiftly.

We walked to the bus stop in a somber silence. I watched Namjoon walk alongside me, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes staring at the ground. He hummed deep in thought before snapping his head up and turning to look at me. "What were you thinking about?" I whispered to break the terse silence that was enveloping us. Namjoon leaned in to hear me better, his warm breath ghosting my neck. I shivered, flushing.

"I was thinking about a lot of things." Namjoon chuckled, returning to a normal position.

"Like?"

He smiled coyly, bowing his head bashfully. "There's someone I like."

"Your girlfriend?" I cocked my head to the side, raising an eyebrow at him. He blushed stammering to try to form coherent sentences.

"Ashley and I broke up." He squeaked, playing with his fingers absentmindedly. I frowned.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." I lied. In reality I was ecstatic that he was finally single.

"Don't be, it was a mutual decision." He gave a small smile, looking up at me through his thick eyelashes. I nodded in understanding.

"I see. So who do you like?" A part of me prayed that he would say "you", but deep down I knew better than to get my hopes up.

"It's a secret Sungmin." Namjoon winked, efficiently giving me a heart attack and paralyzing me.

"That's no fair. Why bring it up if you're not going to tell me who?" I pouted.

"I thought it was obvious who, but you're clueless." He teased, poking my side. I smiled meekly at the sidewalk, rubbing the back of my neck. Next to me, Namjoon was giving me a warm smile, affection obvious in his gaze. Of course I was too busy watching an ant carry a shrimp puff to notice.

"I already know I'm pretty oblivious, no need to pour salt on an open wound." Chuckling, Namjoon flung an arm around my shoulders, pulling me flush against his side.

"Don't worry Sungmin, you'll find out soon enough."

I never meant to be a failure.

The satisfying crunch of frost covered grass being stepped on cut through the brisk winter air. The sun only began peeking above the horizon, streaking the deep purple sky with hues of pink.

We met there every day, myself and a stranger that sat up in a lone pine tree on the outskirts of the school grounds. High in the branches, face pointed heaven bound, hood pulled up to hide his identity. I never bothered asking for his name, knowing would only make what I was about to do harder. He saw me before I made it to the thick trunk, carved with various names and numbers. I opened my mouth to begin my daily confession, but today was different. Today he broke the silence, deep timbre shaking my whole body. "I never meant to be a failure." His voice left me breathless, it wrapped my entire body in a warmth I had only felt once before. But there was no way that the stranger could be the man that haunted my dreams. Lost in thought, I never responded, prompting him to continue in his smooth voice, "Reality has really been hitting me lately, and I know I have every reason to be happy but my life has been feeling like one big act of forcing smiles on my face and telling the world I'm not scared. But I'm terrified that I'll just become another obituary alongside friends and family who have failed and then turned to the 'easy way out'. And damn it, why does everyone say I have it easy when I live alongside depression and a past that haunts me with images of ropes hitting skin and dirty sheets stuffed in my mouth. But:
I have every reason to be happy. So tell me:
Why am I not happy?
When will I be happy?" His words left goosebumps on my skin, hair standing on end.

I had heard those words before, but in writing.

"Jungkook, are you happy?"

Those words printed on paper stained with blood and tears-

"Are you a failure?"

- Words that left me in a sea of guilt. Because I should've noticed, I should've helped him.

Before I could even attempt to speak, the stranger pulled off his hood, looking down at me with a stoic face. My breath caught in my throat.

The man I had been telling all of my secrets and wrong doings was none other than Wu Yifan, or Kris, as he had been known back then. Back before Tao...

No. I shook my head in a futile attempt to keep the memories at bay. "Jungkook." It was only a whisper, but it hit like a punch to the stomach. I looked him straight in the eyes, tears streaming down my face, school bag laid forgotten on the grass next to me. I don't know when I began crying or when I had fallen on my knees, but by the time Kris was standing on the ground before me, I was on my knees looking up at him.

"Kris. What are you doing here?" I whimpered in between sniffling, "I thought you moved back to Canada after what happened." Kris sighed, walking closer to me before crouching to look at me better. He allotted me a small, sad smile. It disappeared as quick as it appeared, but the sadness that accompanied it lingered in the frigid air.

"Tao's parents called me. Said that you have been drowning yourself in guilt." He said softly, grabbing my wrist carefully and tugging me forward and onto his firm chest, the same chest Tao had always animately talked about during our lunch breaks. I felt secure in his hold, cheek pressed against his pulse, tears slipping down my cheeks.

"They act as if I'm throwing my life away." I joked half heartedly. Even I knew it wasn't a very funny joke.

"If you're really turning down Bangtan Prep then you are." He said without any humor. I sobbed.

"I don't want to leave him here." I responded, words barely coherent. Kris' grip tightened and my breathing hitched at the pressure.

"He wouldn't have wanted you to stay here Kookie. Tao knew about your dream of going to Bangtan Prep." Kris whispered against my hair, rubbing circles on my back.

"I know. Honest, I do. But I can't help but feel..." I trailed off, lost in thought. My mind had zoned in on the what ifs that had haunted me endlessly a year prior. Every night I stared at my whitewash ceiling, wondering what would have been if I had just took more time to spend with Tao, or if I had fully listened to his problems. For a while I had myself convinced that the whole ordeal was based solely on me and my mistakes. Deep down I knew it was not my fault, but sometimes its easier to blame yourself rather than to admit there was nothing you could do.

"Tao loved you so much, more than me." Kris stated, grabbing my chin and lifting it so I could look at him. His eyes were glazed with tears, and for the second time he gave me a small, sad smile. I wonder when the last time Kris has truly smiled. He used to smile a lot if I remembered correctly.

"Nothing came before you Kris." I insisted, because it was the truth, "Tao loved you more than he loved himself. He would do anything for you." I gently cupped his face, wiping tears away with my thumbs. Kris tore himself from my light hold, chuckling bitterly.

"If he had loved me so much, why did he do it?" His gaze bore into mine. I opened my mouth to answer, but words evaded me. Why did he do it?

Sighing, Kris straightened up, wiping the imaginary dirt off of his signature ripped jeans. I stayed kneeling and silent. "I know he loved me. I shouldn't have said that." Kris murmured. I didn't offer a reply, and Kris didn't bother to wait for one. With one last sigh, in one swift motion he pulled over his hood and walked away. I sat there and listened to his footsteps fade off in the distance. Staring at the trunk, I noticed faintly familiar handwriting.

Tao + Jungkook = Friends Forever

I cringed at the cheesiness of our 5th grade friendship, but a smile graced my lips nonetheless. I pulled out the envelope I had left in my coat pocket as a constant reminder of the decision I had to make. Now smiling fondly, I looked up to the purple and pink sky,

"I hope you're proud of me Tao."

I stood outside of Jimin's room, hand hovering over the door ready to knock,

but nerves keeping me from doing so. I don't know why I Cannot knock, it was only Jimin for 's sake.

Actually, scratch that; I know exactly why I was hesitant.

Biting my lip, I forced my fist to come into contact with the door. I froze in the knocking position, stiffening at the sound of feet shuffling towards the door. Before I could turn around and run, the door opened to reveal Jimin.

But not just Jimin, a dressed up Jimin. Never had I seen Jimin in tight black skinny jeans, a mesh paneled tank that put his abs on display and eyes lined with smokey eyeliner. This was the guy who lived in sweatpants and t shirts whenever he wasn't wearing the school uniform. "Jungkook? What are you doing here?" Jimin slid behind the door, efficiently hiding most of his body from my view.

"Uh.." I took a deep breath, managing to somewhat gather my thoughts, "I was wondering if you'd like to go to the studio to work on the Choir project. But if you're busy then that's okay." I took a step back, silently praying he would reject my offer . There was no way in hell I could concentrate with Jimin looking the way he does. He looked over his shoulder,

"Well I don't have to be there until 7, so that gives us two hours to work," he turned back to face me, "We should go!" He smiled, chubby cheeks hiding his eyes. My brained died for a second, because who the hell allowed Jimin to be both cute and y?

Whoever it was deserves an award. Closing the door behind him, Jimin took off towards the studios. I hurried to catch up with him, eventually falling in step alongside him.

"How are you liking school so far Kookie?" Jimin asked casually, hands in his pockets and eyes set forward. I looked intently at him for a minute before answering,

"It's nice. Surprisingly I have quite a lot of classes with Sungmin hyung." I commented, not noticing the way Jimin's jaw clenched at the mention of our new hyung.

"Ah, I see." He said stiffly, opening the door to the arts building and stabding aside so I could enter.

"Thank you hyung," I smiled. Jimin shuffled in behind me. 

"Do you stilll  like Sungmin?" Jimin asked carefully, taking out his keys and unlocking their favorite studio. I blushed.

"No!" I like you, you idiot. I wanted to say, but I kept that to myself. I'm not sure why I feared rejection so much, but the fact it was Jimin made it worse. 

I could've sworn Jimin bitterly mumbled "good", but that's not possible, right?

"You wanna go first?" I offered, sitting down on the office chair situated in front of the mixer panel. Jimin wordlessly entered the booth, donning the headphones and giving me the thunbs up to start the beat. I did so, immediately smiling when Jimin's melodious voice rang through the speaker. His voice combined with the slow beat was absolutely heavenly. There was.no doubt we would ace this project. 

Jimin was a natural in the booth, exuding charisma and shining with talent. I was penned the golden maknae, but I truly felt that Jimin was better in every aspect. Jimin had been my friend since Elementary, both having been fron Ulsan. Just because he was a grade above me never affected our relationship. That is, until I began seeing him as more than a friend. 

I truly ed myself over by falling in love with my best friend.

A/N HOLY MOTHER OF CLIFFHANGERS WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE?!

I know I promised development and that will occur but for right now I'm giving backgrounddddd! I feel like I need to explain that Yes, Hoseok is still in the hospital when Jimin and Jungkook go to the studio, but they neeed to graduate too you know. 

I'll try to update more often now that I've gotten back in the

Groove with school.

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Aflower54