“evanescence”

Celebrities often avoid getting involved in a scandal.

Apink is one of the girl groups who are practically never mentioned in dating scandals. There were rumours, but none of them proven true. Of course, all of them have dated before, maybe even up to the present.

Bomi knew that Jongdae have also dated before she met him. He always dodged her questions about it, telling her that she’s the first girl he loved. The first girl he loved… there was something off about the way he said it. She realized what he really meant; he had past relationships before but he never really came to love his ex-girlfriends, or flings, maybe. ‘Then why won’t he tell me?’ she would ask herself, then dismiss it a moment later.

Bomi found out who was one of his flings months later after they got together. It had been purely accidental meeting with Jung Soojung – better known as Krystal – and the girl herself admitted it to her. Her mind went back to her first conversation with Jongdae and the red stain on his lips she guessed was blood. And before that, in the dark room where she heard two people kissing. The names she barely heard…

She rushed out of the restaurant after that, not wanting to be reminded of Jongdae kissing someone else by seeing Krystal’s face. How many celebrities, how many girls, had he kissed? The present is more important, the past is just the past…

She remembered how she felt betrayed back then because Jongdae symbolized her firsts. Sadly, he’s not on the same page.

Now, she’s smiling not because of pain, or sadness, or joy. She’s become one of his past, too – how ironic.

“I’m pathetic… holding onto him in my memories…” she stares at her palms. In her eyes, these hands had bruises and scars from gripping tightly to him, to the hem of his shirt when he turned his back to her…

“Bomi, it’s been two years…” the ever-so reliable leader told her.

Yes, two years. God knows how much her members tried to understand her condition, He knows how much she tried numerous times to get rid of him and his shadow lingering near her, but she could not let him go – no, that’s not it at all…

“You couldn’t let go… or… you wouldn’t let go?”

Last summer. One of those nights where she and Baekhyun have those serious conversations. Topics that they can’t tell their relatives, friends and fellow members. Topics that unless they tell someone, would probably suffocate them.

“Couldn’t and wouldn’t, they’re two different things, don’t you think?”

Bomi wiped her cheeks yet surprisingly no tears were found. To smile – should she smile in front of her members? How should she react to their concerned faces? Eunji’s glaring at her with all eagerness, Namjoo’s dimples shows how much she’s forcing herself to give a smile, the maknae had been down ever since she sat, and Naeun…

Naeun is looking straight through her eyes. Her lips formed a small smile and she noticed her glossy eyes. Bomi bit her lip.

One minute ago her face was dry, but because of Naeun tears rolled down her face in one split second.

She softly laughed. “Seriously, Naeun. You’re making me cry!”

Almost choking, Naeun lifted her head up to try and stop her tears from falling. “No, I didn’t!”

However, she knew how she stared at Bomi. She understood how hard it is to let go of someone who made you feel so special and loved. Someone who you knew you can’t have, yet still tried to reach for. Someone’s love that you’ll never feel and find from anyone else… why should you let go of that man?

Why? Just because there were so many risks. Because it’s inevitable. Because it wouldn’t work out. Because either way she’ll end up getting hurt. Because she’s afraid of losing her career.

Naeun had so many reasons, and so will Bomi. And this was the message she got from the visual’s eyes. At that moment, she wanted to hug her – all of the people in front of her actually.

Chorong who was beside her put a hand on Bomi’s shoulder before she could act on it. She looked at her as if she had been waiting for something else. As if she knew a secret, her secret. As if all the other stories she told weren’t as important. Her forehead creased at the same time Naeun called her, “Unnie?”

She then turned towards Naeun about to part her lips, but her eyes flickered in realization. Of course. She came out of her room to come clean to her members. She faced them with determination. How come she could not voice out the secret she’s been hiding?

Each of them is plastered with confusion, their eyes urging her that they’ll listen. She breathes long and hard.

Sorry, Baek.

It’s okay if I tell them, right? If it’s you, I know you’ll say, “Finally!” accompanied with your puppy smile.

“Baekhyun…” was all she could muster. Her jaw tightened and her lower lip trembled in anxiousness. She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the expected explosive reactions from her second family.

Eerie silence filled the atmosphere as she cautiously opened her