CHAPTER 6  ||  SMILE

“I love it.  This is brilliant.”

Amber comfortably slumps herself in the chair as she twirled around with a pencil between her fingers.  She was finally able to write and produce after a one-year slump.  However, as proud as she was for finally overcoming this block, she hated this current song that she was playing for her label.

As they continued to listen to the track, Amber anxiously fiddled in her chair.  She had a flurry of thoughts coming through.  Number one: this is one of the first tracks she’s delivering in a long time and it’s inevitable that she feels nervous in front of her management.  Number two: the song was almost too scarily vulnerable that to this second she doesn’t know why she even thought that sharing this with people was a good idea.  Number three: even though she loves the song, she absolutely hates it because it was inspired and brought to life by her.

“Amber, this is it!  This is the Amber Liu that’s been resurrected after one year,” one of the producers praised.

“Wow.  This is actually a really good song, Am,” Jackson jumped in the bandwagon.

After pensively taking in the song, President Lee finally gave his weighty opinion, “It’s brilliant.  Let’s make it a single.  Good work kid.”

After the short discussion amongst the producers, in which Amber found to be slightly perfunctory, Amber is slumped once again in her studio chair.  After they all left, leaving Amber and Jackson alone, Jackson hits the play button once again and let the song envelope the blaring silence in the room.

“Hey Am,” Jackson carefully scoots next to her with another chair.  Amber gives him the attention by halting her twirling yet with her head still contentedly reclined against the chair.  Jackson pokes her arm and says, “I’m proud of you.”

Amber lets out a chuckle.  She hasn’t fully registered everything yet.  It’s been months and it was still very raw, still very tender.  Sure the entire traumatic experience has forged her musically and has burnished her lyrical style with lucidity but she still can’t completely chew on the fact that…, it’s really over.

In fact she pores over that reality endlessly that when she pours out in ink, in paper, in notes, in rhythm and measure, she takes off and leaves the unexceptional to the dust.  And in the end, she pieces all the parts together and magically arranges and composes one unprecedented masterpiece of a track.

But still…

“I hate this song,” she scoffs with a small grin on her face as her future single, according to the President, plays on repeat in the background.

“Oh but it’s a great song,” Jackson counters.  “You know, I actually think this is gonna be a hit.  Like multi-platinum kind of a hit!  I could already see it!”  Jackson dramatically motions with his hands.

But still…

She smirks and scoffs again, “I hate this song.”

And sure enough, the song was a major hit as predicted by Jackson as well as the rest of the SM management and representatives. It’s been two weeks after the release and it’s still topping charts globally and has been staying on top of charts since the day it was released.  Headlines were feasting on the success and people could not wait to get their hands and turn to interview Amber.

To much of Amber’s credit, other than the fact that the song was really the best kind of music she has put out to date, there was a lot of hype that rode in the coattails of Amber’s publicized image especially in time for her major comeback after an almost two-year hiatus.  Perhaps one of the main reasons for the masses’ excitement over her comeback was this mere fact alone: Amber was back.  And she’s back with a vengeance against all the naysayers who questioned her talent and her ability to bounce back.

Nonetheless, one simply cannot ignore the giant elephant in the room—the giant elephant that could also be attributed to the worldwide success of the heartfelt single.  It wouldn’t have been a failed exaggeration to say that everyone wanted to talk about it and ask Amber questions about her.  It was true.  Even Amber has acknowledged it in her mind.  Although she resents that kind media ploy attached to the genuinely inspired song that she has written, she knows it’s impossible to avoid the subject of Krystal when listening to the song.

As she’s sitting in the waiting room about to endeavor her first live interview after her comeback, Jackson is giving her the manager pep talk.  “Are you sure you’re going to be alright with this?”  He asks as he’s skimming through the interview script.

Unable to move due to the final touches being done on her make up, Amber calmly answers, “I’ll be fine.  I promise.”

“Dude.  It’s just that a lot of these questions are either directly asking about Krystal or implicitly asking about Krystal.”  Jackson is suddenly feeling anxious.  Typically a part of his managerial duties includes running through interview questions beforehand and getting the confirmation from Amber prior to the actual interview.  This time when he received the questions, Jackson ran it with Amber but she was very adamant and specific in telling him, “You can leave those questions.”  And she meant like leave them alone in the script.  He commends her honesty and bravery but after reading through the script once again minutes before the show, he can’t help but feel a little apprehensive.  Why?  There was a lot riding on this interview like people’s high expectations and people’s anticipated reactions.   And more than that, Amber has been moving in the positive direction of reinventing herself in every aspect of life—musically, publically and personally—and he’s nervous to see how these questions could affect that.

After the final touches, she stands from the chair and confidently walks up to Jackson.  She smiles and gives him a pat on the shoulder and reassures him, “It’s okay.  I think I’m gonna be okay.”

And because his concern doesn’t just stop at Amber, Jackson had to ask, “But what about her?  What about what she thinks?”

The smile that she had was brought down to a more sobering dimple and for a second it was as though she was ready to retreat.  However, she inhales and exhales with equal depth and convinces Jackson, “I’m trying this new thing when it comes to her…and that is to do everything I can from this moment on to give her a reason to smile again whenever I’m given the chance to do so…  So I need you to just trust me. I’ll be fine.  I’ve calculated what I want to express and show to my fans and also to the rest of the watching world with every question I will have to answer…and I won’t let you down again.  At least try my best not to.”

Needless to say, I guess that was enough for Jackson.

*Knock* *Knock*

Krystal was currently unable to move as her hair is currently the main focus of attention in the room so Sulli gets up and heads for the door in their waiting room.  As soon as Sulli opens the door, she was taken by surprised and was slightly caught off guard as to what to do.

“Umm…?”

The person at the door just flashed her million-dollar smile and says, “Oh come on Sull.  Come here.”  Sulli was then engulfed in an embrace still stunned at the door while the person just waltzes in freely inside the waiting room.

The second Krystal found freedom from the hands of her stylists, she turns around and finds none other than Cara Delevingne standing in front of her.

Long before Amber and Krystal met, they really had one thing in common:  Cara.  Yes, Cara was Amber’s best friend but…she was Krystal’s best friend too.  In fact, she was the one who set them up and bridged the gap for the two.  She was an exceptional cupid, a brilliant talker with a very convincing tongue.

They’ve known each other longer too.  Cara and Krystal were in fact friends long before Amber and Cara were, having been raised in the modeling industry together since their early teens.  Though recent events have complicated a lot of things between their friendship, Cara has never crossed that line.  Even that night in L.A. after Billboards when she and Amber kissed, Krystal was smart enough to understand that even that wasn’t an intentional blatant cross and spite against their friendship.  But yes…it was still sensitive, it was still awkward, and it was still…Cara.

Even if she could hold a grudge against Cara for that fact alone, Krystal simply couldn’t find it in her heart to be mad.  So Krystal gets ups from her chair and with a toothless smile approaches and hugs Cara, which was gladly returned.  “What are you doing here?”

After the embrace, Cara explains, “Well I’m here for a couple of things and when I heard you were in town I had to visit.  For starters, you look amazingly gorgeous!”

“Oh please stop.  But thanks.”  Krystal playfully jests as she pulls her to the nearby couch.

They sat down and Cara continued, “Secondly, Krystal…I came here to apologize.  It was not my intention to have made you feel—”

“Cara stop.  Don’t apologize.  It’s not your fault.”

“Well…I would say that the majority of it wasn’t my fault but…I still am sorry because I know it hurt you.”  Cara was genuine with that apology.  Yes, she may have had these weird lingering feelings for Amber but it wasn’t enough to justify what she did, or better put, what she allowed, and it wasn’t worth losing her friendship with Krystal.  As much as she loved and cared for Amber, Cara loved and cared that much more for Krystal.

Here’s the kind of friend Cara was.  She was the kind of friend that cares enough to want to understand.  When all the went down between Krystal and Amber, naturally many people came and protected and sided with Krystal because really, Amber was the , Amber was the one in the wrong, Amber was the one who put this upon herself.  And it’s not that Cara sided with just Amber either.  She still attended to Krystal and still took the time to be there for her.  But Cara wasn’t contented with just that.  She cared enough to care for both.  And it just so happens that she was the only one who took the chance to understand what was happening on Amber’s side.  And though it made things a little awkward, Krystal understood that.  Krystal understood Cara.  In fact, she was thankful for Cara for staying true to her conviction in staying in Amber’s side.

Krystal assures her, “Believe me if I was mad at you, I don’t think we would be able to sit down and have a conversation about these things like this.  So don’t worry.  I’m not mad at you.”  Krystal pauses to scoff as she carefully reclines against the couch without messing up her hair, “What further damage could you possibly inflict to make things worse than they already were when it came to Amber and I.”  It was more of a comment stated as a matter-of-fact than a question that solicited for an answer.

And that’s the thing that Cara was more sorry for.

It was such a delicate subject, but Cara had to press on, “You know Krystal…Amber…she’s still—”

“I know,” Krystal knew what she was going to say and stops her before she hears it again, “Cara, I know.  But…” She could only manage to shake her head.

They sat in a comfortable silence and in deep thought for the next moment.  There wasn’t much Cara could say.  She dares not to defend Amber to Krystal because to do so would be to no avail and frankly, will just sound very cavalier.

So instead, Cara lightheartedly foregoes anymore direct effort to exhaust the issue and simply moves on.  “So Krystal, I hear you’re meeting someone new these days.  Should I assume that to be a rumor or is it true that you are actually dating TOP?”

Chuckling from the sudden change of subject, Krystal smiles as she rolls her eyes, “I guess it’s true.  I don’t know…we’ve only been on a few dates and he seems pretty serious or at least heading in that direction.”

“So do you like him?”

“Yeah.  I mean, he’s a great guy.”

“Well he’s pretty hot.  And he does seem like a cool guy.  Does he make you laugh?”  Cara asks, typical in this type of conversation.

Slowly nodding as Krystal thinks of her answer, she then says, “He doesn’t make me cry.”  And once again, they revert back to an old, dead, beaten horse.

Quietness took over once again.  But this time, Cara didn’t let it linger too long.  She reaches over for Krystal’s hand and takes them in hers.  With a true smile, she comforts her friend, “Well…if you’re happy, that would make me tremendously excited knowing that you’re finally okay.”

Was Krystal finally okay?  In the tiniest steps of moving forward, Krystal thinks she is finally in a good direction of moving on.  Sure there were some good days and bad days but she hasn’t felt heavy since the last time she saw her.  She could breathe a little bit more freely and take a step forward in life a little bit more lightly.  And though growing apart from that love seemed like a grueling valley she thought she could never escape from, she looks back in her previous months and realizes how far she has come.  And she looks forward only to find the new horizon ahead of her.  So in her mind and in her recovering heart, at least she could finally smile and admit, “Yeah.  I think I’m okay now.”

Cara pulls her in for an embrace and was relieved and hopeful that even in one of the messiest carnage in the history of romantic tragedies, they were all still able to survive and continue to move on.

“I’m happy for you Krys.”

“Thanks Car.”

Cara stands up from the couch and gets ready to leave.  “Well, I know you have work to do so I’ll take my leave.  If you’re staying in London long, let’s grab a bite when you’re not busy.”

“I’ll definitely call you,” Krystal pulls her in for another hug.

Before Cara could leave, however, she felt an itch at her side to accomplish one last thing.  “Krystal, let me see your phone.”

With a questioning expression, she reaches for her phone and willingly hands it to Cara.  Cara fiddled with it for a moment before handing it back to Krystal.  Cara tells her before she leaves, “You don’t need to watch it if you don’t want to… But I think you should.  For your sake, Krystal.”

Cara bids farewell and leaves Krystal with the phone in her hand with the YouTube application on screen, ready to watch the video titled “Amber Liu Interview with Jason Kennedy”.  In the description box it read, “Amber Liu opens up on life, love and music in her very first interview in her 2015 comeback.  Vulnerable and inspiring is a serious understatement describing this heartfelt exchange.  A reinvented Amber Liu exposes her version of the truth about her experiences of love and heartbreak through this album in which she unprecedentedly shares in her talk with Jason Kennedy.”

Krystal hesitates for a second.  However, curiosity and unfailing interest captivated her will not because she wasn’t over her, but knowing Amber, this was rare.  Amber wasn’t the type to indulge and entertain really serious interviews as of lately and perhaps this was something out of the ordinary that Krystal is indeed curious of.

So almost in a fashion of holding her breath, she clicks the video and plays it.

“Amber, the response to your new single and your new album has been tremendous.  It has already reached platinum in two weeks time and people are just excited that you’re finally back in the music scene.”

“Yeah it’s been a long time since I’ve gotten the chance to share new music, stand on a stage once again and take part in a live interview.  So to be honest, I’m actually really nervous right now. Ha.”

“Well I’m sure there’s nothing to be nervous about since, as you can see, your fans have swarmed the studio today just to cheer you on!”

“Yeah!  Thank you guys!  I love you!”

“Your album and this particular single that you have come up with is the talk and trend in pop culture right now.  Not only is it such a great song to listen to but it’s…I guess…way more deep, meaningful and vulnerable than your previous works.  Don’t get me wrong, I love your old albums but this one is pretty unique in that it has a totally different feel and styled in such a different direction.  So I gotta ask Amber, when and how did you decide to embark in this new direction lyrically and also compositionally?”

“Well…it’s no secret the kind of year that I’ve had lately.  I guess to put it short, I’ve experienced a lot within the past year or so and for the longest time it was actually really difficult for me to write—actually I couldn’t write or come up with any new music at all.  And after one faithful yet terrible day, I suddenly woke up the next and all the dumb vices and toxic habits that I was routinely accustomed to didn’t sound good to me anymore.  The appeal of that kind of life seemingly faded.  And after upon days of sober reflection, I was able to pour out and express those thoughts into music again, hence, the birth of the new album and the new song.”

“You’ve mentioned that the roller coaster life that you’ve had in the past year is no secret to us because, come on, you’re Amber Liu.  Even if you wished for things in your life to stay private, it’s impossible because you have all of these spotlights and cameras constantly capturing your every move left and right.”

“Yeah.  And I get it.  It’s the price of fame.”

“Definitely.  So…it’s no secret to us, the kind of year it was for you even in your personal romantic life too.  You know…many of us, if not most, would listen to this song and would be able to directly connect the dots and immediately be able to point it at a specific person in your life.  So I’m gonna go ahead and ask the obvious… Is this song about Krystal Jung or at least inspired by her?”

“Ha.  Well…I think it would be really lame if I sit here and deny the obvious truth about what you’re implying.  So I’ll flat out just answer everyone’s dying question with…yes.  Yes.  It is about Krystal.”

“… … …”

  “Again, that part of my life, unfortunately, is no secret to the public.  And to be honest, that was the very first ever real relationship that I’ve had in my life.  It was a long relationship.  And really…it was very very real to me despite of the outcome.  You know…I’m not the type to want to explain myself whenever articles or rumors are spread maliciously or even rightly about me.  And when it came to my relationship with Krystal, right of the bat, it became a target for people’s formed opinions based on what they only saw on tabloids.  I’ve never really had the chance to speak for myself and so this song and this album is my way of giving my perspective and my vantage point of my own experiences with that relationship.  It was my way of showing that, actually, it was beautiful—though turbulent and desperate—it was that kind of scorching love that’s something special and something I was thankful enough to have experienced.”

“Wow.  That’s definitely the kind of vibe that you get when you listen to this song.  Now that we got that question out of the way, and also if it’s not too much, I also have to ask…what is the status between you and Krystal right now?”

“… …”

“Obviously…were not together anymore… But…I hear she’s doing great and because of that I’m just really happy for her and only wish the best.”

“It seems like you’ve really grown and matured a lot coming out of this experience and having come off such a long slump!  As a friend of yours for a long time and someone who has watched you grow not only musically but as a person, I’m really proud to see how far you’ve come after such a challenging year.”

“Ha!  It took me a while, but thanks.  That means a lot to me bro!”

“Of course!  You know Amber, looking back in retrospect, do you reflect back and think, ‘Everything happens for a reason.  I don’t regret my mistakes.  I had to go through what I did to become the better person that I am now.  Look!  I even got a platinum record because of it! Ha!’  Or do you look back and sort of have the feeling of regret and wish to have the ability to change some things with the hindsight knowledge of how things have turned out now?”

“Haha…  That’s what , you know!  Time is one of the most formidable and indellible agents of life.  You can't go back and fix things no matter how badly you want to and no matter how pure your intentions are. So with this question, it’s hard to say.  But in regards to some bad decisions I’ve made, I definitely look back and not feel one bit proud that I made them.  And since we're on the subject, when it comes to falling in love…ha… No one falls in love and plan to fall out of it.  What I mean by that is that... I didn’t get in that relationship with an agenda to ruin it.  I didn't predetermine to mess things up prior to making a promise to make it last.  Honestly, I look back and think, ‘I knew better.  I should have done better.  I could have done better.  I wish I did better.’”

“Hey, at least now you know.  And admitting that is a good sign that you’re growing up!”

“Yeah.  Definitely.”

“And a platinum record is sure not a bad consolation!”

“Haha.  I can't argue with that.”

“So with this new phase or chapter in your life.  You’ve gone through a learning experience, especially in the area of relationship.  For the sake of newness, is there anyone in particular that’s currently new in your life?”

“…”

“No.  I’m single right now, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“So no one right now?  As in all the rumors are false?”

“Yes.  All the rumors are false.  I’m currently single…and actually okay with that.”

“Last questions—a tough question—but here it is…who is Krystal Jung to you right now?”

“… … …”

“She’s…my first love.  And in my eyes she’s still the most beautiful princess I’ve ever laid eyes on.  I think she’s a truly incredible human being.  Very talented.  Very kind.  Very humble.  And she deserves the best in every aspect of life.  I only wish for happiness and success in whatever she endeavors in life and whomever she meets along the way.  And I actually really mean that…  She’ll always be a princess to me.  And she’ll always have a special place in my heart as the girl who stole it away.  Ha.”

Keeping her tears from falling, Amber has finally accomplished what she set out to do all along.

Krystal tucks her phone away, tilts her head and shuts her eyes.  After a moment of processing and focusing her tears to stay at bay, she finally opens her eyes.  Now thinking through the many things Amber has lain out on the floor, despite of all that has happened, at least for this one inexplicable moment, Krystal has found a reason to…

…smile.

A/N: Ah...this story is called Growing Pains for a reason...  I think I'll have a few chapters left and will probably conclude it soon.  It's a short story and I wasn't planning on prolonging the ANGST and the Kryber TORTURE for more than ten chapters.  Though...it's actuallly looking pretty hopeful right now but still...I wouldn't get my hopes up too high.  Anyways, I tried something new with this chapter.  I hope you guys still enjoyed it!  Thank you for reading, subscribing, upvoting and commenting!  Love ya'll to pieces.  Z