Dark.

 

 

 

Lights were off but Taehyung's face was seen clear due to the moonlights that entered through the one and only small window he had in his room.

 

 

 

He was leaped under the thin cotton blanket. Sweats trickling down from his every parts of face and body though the room was cool and the weather was refreshing too. He was trembling, hands clutching the bed sheets strongly. It looked as if he wanted some support for his body to stay stable even in his bed.

 

 

 

"It's all your fault!"

 

 

A girl in long white gown was crying, red dots of blood stains on her dress. She had messy long hair clipped by beautiful small teddy hairclip at her right bang near to ear.  She was slamming her hands over Taehyung's chest.

 

 

 

"I turned out this way because of you!" the pitch on her cry increased as she continuously hit Taehyung with her small hands which were also drained with blood.

 

 

 

And Taehyung was only whispering softly not even trying to block hit from the girl. Tears on his eyes never stopping and rolling down on his cheeks to dance.

 

 

 

"I am--sorry--Noona--sorry."

 

 

 

"I am regretting because I loved you." she fell off her knee, the thing called sob only getting harder on . Taehyung flinched with the words she just said. He didn't want things to turn out that way. He didn't, really.

 

 

As he lifted his hands to cup her face, she swung his hands back as if the touch of Taehyung would make her impure. After a second or two, she faded away in dust slowly, crying and blaming him for everything, leaving Taehyung alone in the dark with his own shadow.

 

 

 

"NOONA!"

 

 

 

He woke up in fear, sweats sifting down his forehead, eyes drenched with tears and his lips were so dry that it would scratch and bleed anytime. He gasped, inhaling and exhaling heavily as if he was standing on that one place where you lack oxygen.

 

 

 

Gulping down the whole water aside him, he realized he was shouting in dream like he had always been doing since past some years. And maybe today he shouted way too loud because his friends BTS boys were out in his door asking if he was okay. Worried boys out on his door were not used to his nightmares as he was recently outdated from jail.

 

 

 

That jail he went for the crime he didn’t do.

 

 

 

"Hyung!"The voice shouted in concern. "Hyung, you okay?"  There came loud knock on his door with other voices too, probably BTS boys' gossiping about unknown nightmare of Taehyung.

 

 

 

 

When there was no one to take care of Taehyung, when everyone hated Taehyung, BTS were there for him. It was like BTS boys were a house where Taehyung could live inside it, forever. They had never ever thought Taehyung as a criminal, not even once. Their love for Taehyung was so deep that even if Taehyung had done any crime, they would support him no matter what.

 

 

 

 

"I am fine, Junggook." Taehyung whispered a reply, his voice hoarse but weak. "Go back to sleep."

 

 

 

 

This wasn't not his first nightmare though. He was used to it every day with the fact that the girl who blamed him in his dream, his love, had died already, 2 years ago.

 

 

------------

 

 

It was only 1:37 am of midnight and Taehyung knew he wouldn't fall asleep anymore. Whether he would sleep or sober, every time was a hell to him. Eyes closed, his dead love would appear swearing him for everything. Eyes opened, his past would disturb him filling in his mind.

 

 

 

There was not even a day that Taehyung didn't get traumatized by the same nightmares. Not even a single day since he got parted with his most loved one.

 

 

 

Taehyung knew it would be rude of him but he wished his nightmares to go away for one day. Just one day. He wanted a day without pain. He wanted to feel how a day without pain would be. He was already in pain and nightmares were causing him more pain, making him alert that he himself was the cause of everything.

 

 

--------------

 

 

 

He changed his bed side for nth time until he found out that it was already 6 of morning. He hardly snatched out his achy body from bed. Pain on his head attacking him hard.

 

 

 

 

"I miss you." He blurted suddenly, eyeing at the frame where his love and he himself was smiling happily as if they were the happiest persons in the world.. And in a second he faced the frame down not wanting to see his happy self. With the same black pair of dress he had been wearing since last some days, he strode out of his room to only meet boys outside in living room handling their own errands.

 

 

 

 

BTS boys were like a family, a real family. They started living on their own before 3 years ago and were still together. Working on their own and paying for rent, school fees on their own. Not that they were orphans, it was just that their family relationships was not something good to them.

 

 

 

 

"Aw TaeTae." Jimin called by his one of the nicknames when he saw Taehyung coming out of his room. "Aren't yo----" but even before he could finish his sentence, Taehyung was already out of apartment.

 

 

 

And they knew where he was heading to. After what had happened to Taehyung's life, he basically ignored everyone. Even BTS boys too though they were loyal to him. It wasn’t because Taehyung hated them; it was just that he hated himself for being such an friend that caused lots of trouble to them too.

 

 

 

 

 "I miss my old Taehyungie." said Seokjin in weak voice. “Why is god playing with him when he hadn’t done anything wrong?"

 

 

 

 

"Exactly, everything was an accident though." Namjoon frowned."But let him be for some time being. He'll understand soon and he'll deal with it."

 

 

 

"Yeah, let him be." Yoongi and Hoseok said in unison. Junggook only nodded along with Jimin with sad faces.

 

 

---------------

 

 

 

Taehyung was standing on the edge of rooftop of 17 stored building, observing the world by his beautiful small eyes, holding a plastic bag on his left hand.

 

 

 

If anyone see him, they would think he was about to jump off the building but he wasn’t. For sure, he thought of dying many times. He was already a lifeless human who was only living because he didn’t know what to do with what. He wanted to die. Every time he thought of his love, he wanted to die but he couldn’t. He wasn’t just ready yet.

 

 

 

He was afraid that he couldn’t face her when he meets her in heaven. 

 

 

 

He was afraid that he wouldn't even get to go heaven to meet her as he deserved hell. Someone just cannot enter heaven when he had the fault on his life.

 

 

 

 

He was afraid that she would blame him like the way she did in his nightmare.

 

 

 

 

Taehyung inhaled the air and remembered how his girl loved to sit on the high places, how his girl loved the heights. That remembrance filled his eyes with tears. Without him knowing, tears were already dancing on his cheeks.

 

 

 

 

Wiping the tears with the sleeve of his hoodie, he changed his standing pose into sitting and opened the plastic bag he was carrying. He unpacked it revealing 10 bottles of soju.

 

 

 

 

Taehyung took out one of the bottles and gulped down instantly without even taking break. The whole bottle was finished in the blink of eye. He was only about to jump out from his teenage soon (he was 19 yet) and he had already started drinking.

 

 

 

Because, his pain made him do so.

 

 

 

 

It was his only daily routine to sit on the edge of rooftop just to smell the world he can absorb in his eyes from morning to night after he was released from the prison with slurping down 7 to 10 bottles of soju. In fact, it was no better in prison; he would just sit at the corner of the cell staring at the blank ceiling whole day thinking something important he had to do after he would get released.

 

 

 

 

But now that he was out of prison, he couldn't think of how he should go on with his life. It was already almost 2 weeks since he was out casted from jail but all he does was sitting around the rooftop with soju. He didn’t know what to do. He had no any idea. All he could think was, he had to screw up the life of that one person who turned his life this way but he couldn’t think of how as that guy was said to have left for abroad and Taehyung didn’t know where.

 

 

 

 

He heaved a long sigh, his face completely sad and innocent. His heart asking for the answer, why his life turned this way? What did he do in his past life to deserve this kind of ty life? He cursed to himself. After all everything was his fault.

 

 

 

 

He looked at the city almost without even blinking his eyes slurping another bottle of soju. This time drinking it slowly.

 

 

 

 

 His another day started, which was probably the same from yesterday. The same nightmares, the same thought, the same pain and the same life.

 

 

 

 

 

It was only another same new day to Taehyung.

 

 

 

 

--------☆☆☆--------

 

 

 

This might be a little confusing? This is first chapter after all. But you’ll understand as you go on reading the coming chapters.

 

Mistakes forgive.