I walked into the living room – carrying three mugs full of cake – only to find Taemin and Jinki curled up together at one end of the couch, watching TV. Wait, what? TV?

“The TV is working?” I asked in a bewildered tone, as I set down the mugs in front of them. I plopped onto the other side of the couch and looked at them.

“Yup, started working again about… noon.” Jinki said picking up the remote. I checked the time on my phone; it was about five o’clock now. Great, it’d been on that long?

“I’m starting-” I began, before I put a spoon full of cake into my mouth “to think-” I took another bite “that I might need counseling-” another bite “if those two don’t show up soon!” I concluding bye shoving another spoon full into my mouth, leaving the spoon in as well. I looked over at them and pouted, Taemin giggled.

Something about them sitting there all lovey-dovey was pissing me off. Was I really that lonely, that I couldn’t even properly be happy for my friends? Let me re-phrase that; I’m happy they’re together – I just hate seeing a couple so happy right now. Especially since I didn’t have anyone’s hand to hold. I missed Jjong like crazy…

 “I’m so mad at myself for not staying with Jjong.” Oops, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.

Jinki looked at me, “Kibum, don’t put this on yourself. I’m sure they’re fine.” He put some cake up to his mouth and took a bite. “Really good by the way.”

I hadn’t realized until I said it out loud, that… I really did blame myself for not being with Jjong. I spent so much time crying over how much I missed him, but when in reality, I could’ve just stayed behind with him, right?

“Hyung, you keep saying how much you miss Jjong, but I haven’t heard you say anything about Minho.” Taemin said looking at the TV; they had the news on again.

“It’s because Kibum loves Jonghyun, Taemin we went over this.” Jinki said with a sigh.

“What?” I said, my eyes round as I looked at him.

“Well, don’t you?” he asked in an ‘it’s so obvious, just admit it’ tone. Did I love him? I admit that I missed him a whole lot – and much more than I missed Minho, which was sad to say – and that I really wanted to see him, to hear his voice and have him tell me he’s okay…

“Do I?” I asked myself again, out loud, hoping that if I heard my own voice asking it, I might know the answer.

I shook my head, I didn’t have time to think about that – I had to focus on… on eating my cake! Yeah. I took another bite, letting the chocolate melt in my mouth.

“Hey – turn that up.” I said to whoever was holding the remote. I had fixed my vision to the screen in front of me, it had breaking news in the corner scrolling by over and over, and I was curious.

“…two planes have crashed, yet again. This has been 4 planes within one week, but thankfully the storm is finally letting up…” I shook my head. No. No. I read the bottom of the screen; ‘two planes crashed – injuries minimal, some fatal. Flight 204 from Moscow, Russia and flight 67 from Japan – both headed to JFK airport…’ it continued on to say more about the victims, but my vision had blurred so bad by then, I couldn’t even see my hands in front of my face.

“Hyung? Hyung?! Hyung! What did she say? What’s going on –?” Taemin didn’t get a chance to finish he question, I was already in the bathroom, bending over the toilet puking. I couldn’t even let myself imagine what I’d be do if it was Jjong and Minho on that flight. For all I knew, it was.