The next two days went by painfully slow, I’m not even sure my mind was there half the time. We had barely any contact with the outside world. The only people we talked to was the staff of the hotel, who were still working, mostly because they couldn’t leave. I hoped they were getting paid over time. We got room service at the same time every day, apart from small little snacks we ordered up from time to time. Well, Jinki ordered. I was worried their kitchen might run out of food if they couldn’t get any deliveries, but I only thought of it once, and it was out of my head… I couldn’t be bothered to try and care about something for more than two seconds anymore.

I hadn’t eaten in at least a day; it would be placed in front of me by Taemin or Jinki only for it to be removed a half hour later – food exactly how it looked when it was first put there.

There was knock on the door, I looked around the room, and no one was in here so I rolled of my stomach and pushed myself off the floor to answer it.

“Hey Jared. Isn’t it a little early for lunch?” I asked as he rolled a cart into the room.

“Not lunch Kibum – its dinner time.”

“You can’t be serious.” I said in a shocked tone, had I really lost my sense of time?

“Nope. Okay, then, I’ll see you in about two hours when Jinki calls for his parfait.” He said, walking out the door. I leaned out and waved goodbye, he waved back and disappeared behind a corner.

“Kibum, do you want to use the shower? You haven't taken one in a few days.” Jinki said walking out into the kitchen in only a towel. He was rubbing another one over his head also, causing him to run into the island.

“Aish… what’s the point?” it would take too much effort.

“Kibum.” Jinki repeated again his ‘I’m the leader’ voice starting to show through. I looked at him and nodded.

I walked past him into the bath room, closing the door behind me. There’s a reason I’d been avoiding the bath room and my room for that matter, they were the only places in the hotel with mirrors. My gaze slowly crept off the floor to the full length mirror in front of me.

I looked myself over; I could hardly believe it was me. I looked terrible; my skin was paler than usual, my eyes were red rimmed, swollen and sunken with dark grey bags underneath them. I looked thinner than usual too. I have visible bruises on my arms from when I slammed myself into the bloody window – it was trying to kill me I know it. I took off my shirt, staring at my chest, there more bruises on the sides of my hips as well. Peachy.

I let out an exasperated sigh. Pulling off the rest of my clothes, I stepped into the shower, turning the handle to the far left side where a big red dot was. When the water it was freezing for about thirty seconds before it became painfully hot. I didn’t change the temperature; I just stood there and let the water change my skin from a pale cream to an irritated pink.

I closed my eyes, trying to think of happy thoughts. Though, the only thoughts I could think of were of Jjong. My worry was finally starting to take over me. Images of plane crashes flowed through my head. I jolted forward, hitting my head on the wall in front of me. I shook away the stinging pain and tried to think of happier thought – if it was even possible I didn’t know. I hadn’t thought of anything for the past two days. I kept reality farthest away from my mind over anything else. But something about the seemingly relaxing water rushing over me made me lose what grip I had on my mind.

I closed my eyes again and pictured Jjong’s face; I let his voice flow into my head and had it stay there for along as I could before I started to cry. I had such a longing for his warm arms. I missed the way he would hold me when I was upset, the way he held my hands to keep me calm. Not having him here for so long was becoming physically impossible.

I’d never noticed how much I cared and depended on Jjong until now. How over the years, most of my happiness was there because of him. Even though I’ve said I get sick of him being around so often, having him not be here was worse. I missed his constant babble, his idiocy and his smile when he saw me.

I choked on a sob as I pressed my palms to my eyes and let out a long and loud wail of just pure pain. I needed him here. I needed him here now.

I shut the water off in haste, stepping out of the shower, grabbing a towel off the rack and wrapping it around me as I walked out of the room. I walked through the living room to my own. I hadn’t been in here since the first night we arrived, for the past few days I either slept on the ground, or on the couch.

I looked over at my untouched suit case in the corner of the room. I suddenly felt very cold. I walked over to it, ped it and dug through until I found my favorite pink sweater. It was a was a deep pink, almost red, it hung off one shoulder and was purposely wide in the chest, and tight where it sat on my hips – even the sleeves where a little baggy so it was really comforting right now. I kept digging until I found a pair of fleece PJ bottoms. I pulled them on, and instantly felt better. Something about being in a fresh pair of clothes always made me feel better, even if it was only a little bit.

I walked out of my room with more energy than I had had since we’d gotten here. I looked around and saw Taemin talking rapidly into his phone. Maybe they had finally gotten a hold of Yeong-Ji? I kept walking, entering the kitchen just as Jinki was leaving pushing past me to the now off TV, and turning it on. I turned around before seeing if any channels actually showed up.

I walked over to the same cupboard that had my popcorn in it; I took out another box, and moved some stuff around until I found what else I was looking for. Hot chocolate. I needed some serious comfort food right now, and what’s better than popcorn, hot cocoa and chocolate cake in-a-mug? I giggled to myself as I put the popcorn bag into the microwave. I wonder if Jinki and Taemin wanted some too... I guess I should ask. I turned and walked to the one of the archways leading to the living room.

“Hey guys do you want-” I stopped dead in my tracks. Completely in shock of what my eyes had just witnessed.