I am so sorry for the late chapter… I don’t know what is happening to me really. Hahaha. Twitter has been eating most of my time. I am so sorry. I was planning to post this yesterday, in line with BTS’s 2^nd anniversary… but unfortunately, I’m too lazy… hahaha…

Sorry again.

So here it is! Enjoy!(?)

IV

Hate

Jimin’s POV:

“What time is your lesson ending? Like you know, so that I won’t be texting you in the middle of a dance or something.” I heard Jungkook ask as he I was about to exit the café to go to the dance studio. Did that question mean he was going to text me? I thought to myself. I shrugged the thought away and laughed at him while showing him six fingers. He quickly got the message and waved me goodbye before I totally left the café.

While I was walking to my car through the halls of the mall, I couldn’t help but think about how nice it was to talk to him. I found him very easy to talk to. He was a natural conversationalist. It’s been some time since I talked to a new friend like that, especially because I didn’t have that much time to make new friends. While I was talking to him, chatting about the nothings of life, I had time to forget about my busy, but boring life. I felt so light again.

I had time to forget about what happened last night.

“.” I mumbled, as I leaned onto my car as the memories of last night came back. I felt tears starting to form behind my eyes again, but before I break down, I entered the car and started the engine and played a really energetic and fun song through my car stereo. After taking in some deep breaths, I started driving to the dance studio.

After about ten minutes of driving while singing to happy, upbeat songs, and thinking about the comfortable and fun conversation I just had with Jungkook, I finally reached the dance studio. As usual, there’s only one person inside. He almost always makes it to the dance studio before I do.

“Hello, Jimin.” Yoongi greeted me without looking up from the laptop he was working with. He was always the one to prepare the tracks that we are using during lessons.

“Hi, hyung.” I said while putting my bag down and changing to more comfortable clothes. After getting changed, I went to the speakers and started checking them. Yoongi stood up and went over to me. While working, I felt like singing one of the songs that I played a while ago. It was really catchy for me. Yoongi suddenly stopped fiddling with the wires and stared at me. “Why?”

“You seem to be in a good mood today.” Yoongi explained. But instead of a normal statement, I felt like it was more like an accusation, coupled with the hint of smirk that was on Yoongi’s pale, usually blank face.

“Why’d you say so?” I asked him.

“Well, for one thing, you were randomly singing while working, and for another thing, look at that smile on your face.” Yoongi said. It was only then I notice that my jaw is already hurting from over-smiling. Well at least I’m smiling now.

“Oh… actually, I think it’s because of Jungkook.” I said to him. I watched as different expressions washed across his face – from confusion, to happiness, back to confusion, then shock, then intrigue. I had fun watching him that I forgot I actually haven’t mentioned Jungkook to him yet.

“Oh… sorry, I guess I forgot to tell you about him.” I started as I continued working with the setup. “I met him yesterday after leaving the studio. I went to a café in a mall. The café was full, so when Jungkook came, there were no available seats, so he sat with me. Today, we met again in the same café. We became friends. You know, he’s a very likable person. Very bright personality.” I narrated. I didn’t hear any response from Yoongi, so I turned to look at him, only to be met by a smirk.

“Oh… you like him?” He asked.

“Yeah… of course, like I sai – WAIT I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING!” I answered, but as soon as I realized what he was implying, I felt the urge to clarify myself. I know what’s running in Yoongi’s mind.

“So… you like him, huh?” Yoongi teased. I wanted to punch him square in the face, but classes are about to start.

“What I mean is, I like him, because he’s very kind. Not in the way you were thinking of.” I calmly explained.

“You’re too defensive…” I heard him mumble. “Can I borrow your phone for a while?” he continued. I looked at him and gave him a ‘what are you planning to do’ face. “Relax! It’s not like you have weird things in there.” Yoongi insisted as he held out his hand with open palms. I hesitantly fished my phone from my pocket and handed it over to him. He took it and went over to his laptop. Looks like he needs a file. I thought, so I continued to work on the wirings. A few moments later, I heard a muffled laugh.

“What are you laughing at, hyung?” I innocently asked him. I had no idea at all until he showed the screen of my phone.

“What with the nickname? Kookie?” Yoongi chuckled. I stormed over to him and snatched the phone from his hand.

“Yah! Hyu – “ I was unable to shout at Yoongi for doing that, because the door opened and students came filing in. “We’ll talk later.”

I recomposed myself before facing our students with a smile and starting a three-hour session of dance lessons.

***

“Ok! That’s all for today! Rest well!” I shouted at the end of today’s class. They bowed down and thanked Yoongi and me before leaving the studio. Yoongi headed for his stuff, but he’s not going anywhere. Not until we talk.

“Yah, hyung! Why are you even teasing me?” I asked him. He turned to face me and smiled.

“Jiminie… don’t be too pissed off! I was just joking around! Ok fine, sorry.” He answered. I wasn’t exactly pissed off – actually even I don’t know why it was such a big deal to me. “But from the way you were reacting, Jim, it seems like you are affected.” He continued, but this time, he wasn’t smiling. He was actually serious.

And somehow, I think he was right.

But I’m not yet ready to face it.

“Yeah, whatever hyung.” I said as I went over to my bag and started to pack my own things. Just before I exited the studio, Yoongi started talking.

“Jimin, I’m just happy that you are willing to let other people in now. And whoever that Jungkook is to you, it think it’s is doing you good.” Yoongi said sincerely. I just gave him a smile before going to my car parked near the front of the building.

It was already dark outside when I started the engine of the car. Just before I began driving, I felt the phone in my pocket vibrate. It was from Jungkook, and it was exactly 6:00 pm. This kid…

From: Kookie

Hyung! How did your lessons go?

I felt myself smile at the message before typing a response.

To: Kookie

Fine… I guess. Hahaha. Are you home now? Well, you should be.

I patiently waited for his reply. After a few minutes, there wasn’t any, so I started driving back to my house. I put my phone down on the dashboard and started my stereo. It was blasting happy music again while I drive. When I reached my house, I took my stuff and my phone from the dashboard and went inside.

I turned the key, and the dark living room greeted me. I suddenly felt tired and sleepy, so I went straight to my room and took a quick shower. I came out with a towel wrapped around my waist and my hair sticking to my forehead. After drying myself, I jumped into the bed and closed my eyes. I almost fell asleep when I heard my phone’s message alert tone. After lazily tapping the latest message, I almost jumped out of my bed in alert.

From: Unknown Number

Hey, this is Taehyung. Sorry, I didn’t tell you. Don’t get mad at Hoseok-hyung, I just begged him to give me your number. Can we like… you know… meet tonight? I’ll text you the address.

Time seemed to stop for a few moments after I read the message. To be honest, I didn’t know how I was feeling. I should be feeling mad at him right now, because how dare he ask me to meet him after he ditched me two years ago. But I found myself quickly texting back a ‘yeah’ to him and bolting up to my closet to find a good set of clothes that I can wear. I panicked even more when I found out where he wanted us to meet. I knew the place – I’ve been there a few times due to company meetings Namjoon took me to give me a feel of the company. And that place is big and classy.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I suddenly felt very nervous. I never felt this way when I was meeting anyone else – not even when I talk to the bosses of the company. Taehyung is the only person that ever gave me this much tension.

“Jimin! I’m glad you agreed to meet me!” I heard Taehyung shout from a table in the corner. He hasn’t changed one bit. He’s still the same idiot that didn’t care if he was disturbing other people – he’d shout if he wanted to, anytime, anywhere, with anyone.

And when I got closer, I almost blushed at the way he looked. He hasn’t changed one bit – he’s still the same pretty boy that I used to call ‘buddy’ six years ago, and ‘TaeTae’ two years ago.

Nothing about him changed. And I hated the fact that even his impact on me hasn’t changed. Not one bit.

“Yah! There’s an empty seat, Jimin! Seat down!” Taehyung chuckled, breaking my chain of thoughts that was beginning to hurt me somewhere deep within. “And by the way, you look gorgeous, Jimin. More handsome than the last time we met.” He suddenly added. I was shocked at how easy it was for him to compliment me like that. Has he really forgotten about us? I asked myself. I just smiled at him and swallowed hard before answering.

“Thanks… you too. You’re still – “ I began, but he cut me halfway through.

“Pretty? Well, thanks!” He finished.

How did he get this comfortable? Like nothing happened? I asked again. My thoughts continued to drift. Why did he look this pretty? Did he prepare for this? Is he trying to look good for me? YAH JIMIN STOP!!! I felt very stupid for even thinking about him wanting to look good in front of me.

We ordered food for the two of us. Since I was already successful, I wasn’t afraid to buy even the more expensive food available. Not that I was showing off. Not that I was trying to impress Taehyung. I just wanted to try the good food.

“So… what are we going to talk about?” I asked him. He continued slicing pieces of meat while he answered me.

“Nothing, really, I just wanted to catch up. You know, if we are going to be friends again, I want to know what went down in the past two years.” He casually answered.

“Well… nothing much, really. After we graduated, I went to work in a company where Namjoon-hyung and Hoseok-hyung worked. I also went to teach dance lesson with Yoongi-hyung.” I narrated. Well, that was pretty much everything that happened. I lived two years of life full of boredom and work.

“Really? That’s all? Like, nothing interesting?” He asked. I shook my head, and he laughed. I couldn’t help but laugh with him. My life sounded pretty miserable, I just realized.

He began talking about his life when he graduated, like how many places he went to, how many games he finished during those two years, and the new, not-so-interesting friends that he made while he was away. He started to talk about nonsense, like how the dog in their neighborhood insists on going in his lawn, like as if it wanted to be Taehyung’s. I laughed at how childish his stories were. I didn’t even notice that after a few hours, we were pretty much alone inside the restaurant. The waiter went over and informed us that the place is about to close, so we have to go. Taehyung and I stood up and started to head outside.

“Jiminie.” I heard him say. My heart clenched a little upon hearing that nickname from him. God… how I missed that from your lips.

“Hmm?” I asked him, trying to cover the heat that single word spread inside me.

“Thanks.” He said.

“For what? I didn’t pay for your dinner…” I said jokingly. He laughed at my joke for a few seconds before pulling off a serious face again.

“For tonight. Thanks for giving our friendship another shot.” He said. I hated how the word ‘friendship’  stabbed me like a knife in my gut. Even though I already know from last night that what he meant is our relationship as friends, something somewhere inside me was still holding on to the slightest chance that maybe he can take me back. And that something is what has been keeping me from moving on after all the two years I had for myself.

“Yeah… it’s nothing, Taehyung. You are a great friend, after all.” I answered. He smiled before waving me goodbye and stepping into his own car.

I took small, slow steps to my car. In contrast to how light I have been feeling earlier before the dance practice, tonight, I feel like the air itself became very heavy. I felt a great weight upon me. Luckily, I got to the car before I collapsed. I rested for a while with my eyes closed with the engine off and the AC on. When I was feeling stable enough to at least drive back home, I turned the key and went off. That drive felt like the longest drive I ever had in my entire life. Like the road itself is pushing me backwards. Like the weight I was feeling was also felt by the car. It seemed like five hours, when it was just ten minutes of driving.

Back in my own house, I plopped myself down on my bed without even removing a single piece of clothing. I lazily kicked off my shoes while I speed dialed Hoseok’s number, not even caring if he was still awake or off to dreamland filled with the mares of his life.

“Yoboseyo?” I heard his still fully awake voice through the phone.

“Yah, hyung, why did you give Taehyung my number?” I asked him. I tried to ask as mad as I could, but it came out as a lazy and sleepy whine.

“Jimin, seriously… you’re still awake?” Hoseok asked.

“Idiot hyung, I could ask you the same question. Now answer mine: Why did you give Taehyung my number?” I asked again. Even from across the line through the phone, I could tell that Hoseok is already a bit nervous.

“Sorry, Jim… He begged me for it. Why? Did he do something wrong?” He asked.

“Well, he just texted me and asked me right after my tiring dance lesson to meet him. And I just got home. Do you know how tiring it was?” I asked him.

“Well, if you were tired, you could’ve just said no!” He answered, taking me completely off-guard. Why is everyone making me confused with my feelings?

I don’t know how long the line was up. I just held my phone against my ear, my mind as confused as my heart. I hate it, because somehow, he was right. Why didn’t I just say no in the first place? Can I even say no to him?

“Hello?” I heard Hoseok from the other end. I quickly said ‘good night’ before I ended the call and dropped my phone beside me. Now, it wasn’t just my body that is tired. My mind is also exhausted from all the thinking that I have done today. My feelings were also tired of being constantly stirred up.

My phone was the only source of light in my room now. When I looked at it, I saw the notifications area indicating that I have an unopened message. I lazily and sleepily took the phone again and opened the message.

From: Kookie

Yeah… I’m home. Actually, eomma is yelling at me right now through my locked door, because she kept on asking if you also like me like how I like you. I suddenly regretted telling them last night that I really like you. Now she won’t stop bothering me.

All of a sudden, I felt my sleepiness slip away from me. I sat up and opened the lights, thinking that it would enable me to see the message more clearly. I rubbed my eyes and re-read the message. Did Jungkook just confess to me? I scrolled down and saw the time I received it.

6:10 pm.

I suddenly felt guilty. I skipped his message because Taehyung texted me. What if he’s thinking that I rejected him because I didn’t reply? But… did he mean it? Did he like me? Did he really like me? I repeatedly asked myself. I put the phone down and ran my hands through my hair. I don’t know how I was feeling. If I had read the message earlier, maybe I would’ve thought of it much easier. But right now, after that roller coaster ride of emotions that I had because of Taehyung, I couldn’t focus that much. I am such a wreck.

I couldn’t answer him right now. But I am sure that I am enjoying being around him. I am enjoying talking to him, because he makes me forget that I am living a boring life and that I had my first heartbreak two years ago. If it weren’t for my meeting with Taehyung, I would’ve said that I like him too. But from the way I felt with Taehyung, I am sure I haven’t moved on just yet.

I hate myself. I’m such a mess.