I'm Kim Taeyeon twenty years old. I was not born rich but I'm not poor though My mother works overseas and my father... My father? Oh i never get the chance to know him. I grew up longing for a mother and a father's love since my mom is always out of the country i will just get a chance to see her twice a year or maybe thrice if I'm lucky and my father, he left us when I was still on my mother's womb. I have no idea why he left us cause everytime i've got a chance to ask my mother she will just ignore me or sometimes get mad at me. When i was seven years old there's this thing on my school called 'family day' and I'm so damn lucky cause my mom is with me that day but i still felt a pang in my heart while looking at my classmates who had their mom and dad with them.

"Mom, where's my dad? Do i have a dad like them?" At the age of seven I innocently ask my mom while pointing at my classmate who's smiling brightly while talking to her dad

"What are you saying? Ofcourse you have a dad" her voice was firm and she doesn't even dare to look me in my eyes.

"But mom... where is he?" I asked again looking intensely at my mom.

My mom looked at me and cupped my cheeks.. "is my love not enough for you taeyeon? That's why your asking for your dad? He left us already keep that in your mind" she said and i saw the sadness and hurt in her eyes that she's been hiding.

I don't want to see my mom like that. I don't want to see her hurting and sad just because i want to see my dad. (That's what i always think when i was young)

I grew up hiding my dissapoinment towards my dad. Why did he leave us? Are all man is like my dad? Who will just leave his family just like a trash? Since then i got this thing on my head that people will just leave once they got what they wanted to us so better not give all your love and attention on one person, i don't want to be like my mom who suffered because of one man I'm not going to be miserable hence I'm the one who will make other people's life miserable.

Oh and by the way i forgot to tell you that i have an older brother and sister. They're the one who's taking care of me since i was a child. The three of us lived together without a dad and with a mom who's not with us because of work. Yeah it's really hard i really feel incomplete eventhou my bro and sis always giving me what i wanted.

My brother will always bought me cute pink dresses while my sister always gave me barbie dolls. But i don't wear that dresses i don't play with my barbie dolls. I will always ask my brother to buy me motor bikes, robots and toys that usually are for boys only.

 

"C'mon taeyeon don't be so hard headed kid, wear this white dress now cause were going to church" my sister keeps on chasing after me while i run inside my room

"I don't want to wear that! Keep that away from me!" I shouted

"What do you want to wear my little taetae huh?" My brother came inside my room. He's my number one protector by the way.
 

"Oppa, i want to wear a pants like what you are wearing and a polo" i hugged my brother while subbing (yeah i'm just 8 years old i cried a lot)

"Okay i will just buy what you want you should wait for me okay?" My brother smiled at me while my sister elbowed him in his stomach and i heard her whispered

"Don't let her wear things that just for the boys only, i don't want her to grow up lesbian"

My brother just smile at that.

I knew it since i was a kid that my uality isn't right. I knew I'm a boy that is trapped in a girl's body.

When i was in grade school i started showing up my boyish acts.. like winking at a pretty school teacher (yes i winked at my teacher at the young age)

I also had my first girlfriend when i was 13 years old. (Too young right?) My family doesn't have any idea of what I'm doing and I know I'm a rebel i know there's something wrong with me but i choose to continue living my life like that cause it makes me happy? And contented?

I dated my girlfriend for just two months and i broke up with her because......
 

"I'm breaking up with you hyuna"

"Why? Are you tired of sending me home everyday? Then don't send me home taeyeon" hyuna said while smiling at me

"No, I'm not like that. I'm not tired of you" i said

"Then why are you breaking up with me then?" She asked

"I saw a pretty girl