“ I couldn't stop thinking of you in school,

couldn't pay attention in class,

you whispered and tempted

and taught mehow to drink whiskey

in the bathroom before Friday's class

the throat burn of a good shot is the only thing

stronger than your hold on me. ”

 

  During ever lunch break,

every minute the teacher stepped out,

every free second he had Chanyeol called Baekhyun.

He never managed to get the small,  

                                                                        fragile boy out of his head during lessons,                                                               

constantly worrying if he's been eating well and taking his medication,                  

if something had happened and if Baekhyun was unable to call at that moment.

His thoughts were filled with all those what if's.

It happened one morning,

Instead of releasing sweet breath Baekhyun spit out blood,

 no, more like vomited.

Chanyeol broke into a cold sweat,

he was panicking,

crying,

rushing to call the ambulance.

They told him it was nothing, probably some excessive intake of medication but the male knew it wasn't true.

He'd spent a sleepless week at the hospital with his lover,                                  

watching him recover,

not bothering to go to school because Baekhyun was too important for trivial things like that.

He gazed at him under heavy eyelids,

exhausted limbs and a small bottle of sleeping pils,

 he couldn't take them,

he didn't want to,

having the need of constantly watching over the boy.

His face was pale,

IV dripping into arm,

breathing steady.

 

It would be confusing,

at least for somebody who didn't know what was going on,

why not go to school and come back when done? 

Why not leave the caffeine and take in the sleeping pills?

Not like he could've missed something while he was gone,

in the end of the day they'd always be together.      

But,

he couldn't

he hated parting,

and leaving his baby alone.

 

“ You know me in invidual limbs,

You know how much weight it will take to keep me down,

You know how to keep me in bed for hours...

never coming out to see the light. ”

 

Ever since Baekhyun got released from the hospital his caring lover didn't have the heart to leave him alone, resulting in him constantly skipping school.

After dressing up every morning,

uniform on point, soft fluffy hair throughly combed, bag ready,

he'd always give into his baby's needs and therefore stayed.

Never wanting to part,

they'd just lay around in bed all day and fill the atmosphere with cuddles and ocassional pecks of lips.

He knew how to keep Chanyeol in bed for hours...

never coming out to see the light.

 

It would be confusing,

at least for somebody who didn't know what was going on, 

why not leave for school? 

Why not think about one's own future and study in order to be able and provide for loved ones?        

But,

he couldn't

he despised school,

and so did Baekhyun.

 

“ You are a constant lover

I left so many others for you— ”

 

Chanyeol had heard about him,

about Baekhyun.

 He was the school's with pride and honor,

or so they thought.

They all wanted him,

no matter the gender,

yet only one could have him and it would be none of those who yearned.

He was perfect,

 a bit more on the feminine side though,

pale milky skin, deep hazel eyes, soft lips pink and somewhat plum,

body slender and waist incredibly thin,

something even a girl would be jealous of.

People say he sleeps around a lot,

something Chanyeol would've stayed away from believing if he hadn't come across this one bathroom accident.

He was standing there,

leaning against the sink, hands clutching at it as much as possible.

He was standing there,

not even bothering to stop the boy in front of himself out of some so-called embarrassment every person should have.

He was standing there, 

  eyes only looking for Chanyeol's

seeking them out, gazing into them deeply, with meaning, purpose.

He was standing there,

  when he came his whole body shuddered,

and what he moaned out then wasn't just broken down syllables or meaningless words.

„Chanyeol-ah.“

The words flowed out of his mouth,

dripping from his pretty pink lips as he seductively bit into the lower one, shooting the shocked boy the iest, pants-tightening smirk he could manage.

Ever since then, 

people had stopped talking about Baekhyun,

for he hadn't slept around, he stopped.

Chanyeol would occasionally meet him in the school's halways and their eyes would always meet,

it was always the giant who'd first look away in embarrassment

while Baekhyun's gaze never left until he passed by him.

 

It would be confusing,

at least for somebody who didn't know what was going on,

why not just approach him and talk if you've admired him?

Why not just ignore the limits the embarrassment set for the male and simply pin him with all the strenght your small body could muster to the lockers and kiss him,

hard, messy and hot.         

But,

not like he could approach him with the image he had,

not like Chanyeol would ever look him properly in the eye.

On the contrary.

Or so he thought.

 

“ I know you'll never leave me.

You have settled into my skin like melanin,

we are so wrapped up in each other

my mother has started to wonder if it's really gonna be forever.

I remind her of your time

how nothing lasts past death

she calls me every night now. ”

 

Chanyeol's mother called.

„I got a call from school.

Why haven't you been there lately?

Did you catch a cold?“

The worried voice spoke throug he speaker, laced with worry.

Chanyeol had told her,

 about him, about Baekhyun, how it happened.

But as a mother,

naturally being worried about her childs grades and wellbeing she refused to accept it.

She refused to do so until something shocking enough happened to slap her in the face.

It wasn't particularly sunny that day,

the weather was hinting at a bad outcome with lots of rain.

Chanyeol's mother had called in,

wanting to met up with her son and his yet-to-be-introduced boyfriend.

And naturally, Baekhyun had said yes to it,

overjoyed like a little child while opening it's Christmas present.

He stood at their bed, in the middle of the dim-litted room as Chanyeol took his oversized pyjama off.

„I can't wait to meet your mom, Yeol! It'll be so fun.“

The boy squealed at which Chanyeol could only blush a little and laugh.

„It's always fun when you're with me, Baekggu.“

Said male playfully winked at his boyfriend as he pulled the bottoms off and took the dress shirt.

Baekhyun pouted slightly, embarrassed as he slid his arms through the sleeves of it.

It hung off of him, he had lost weight again and now the shirt that perfectly fit around his slim body hung off of him.

Chanyeol, always noticing decided to point it out this time while fixing the cuffs up.

„Are you sure you've been eating properly, love? You look a lot skinnier than before and this shirt is practically swallowing you up now.“

„What? Of course I've been eating properly, Yeol! You're with me all day, you should know. Maybe I just grew! That's probably it.I'm taking my medication regularly, don't worry.“

Keeping his cheerful tone he cheesily smiled up at his boyfriend.

„Alright then, don't forget to take it today as well. I'm not sure how long we'll be stuck with my mother.“

„Okay, I won't forget to bring it!“

That's what he said but now here they stood,

Chanyeol and his mother,

staring in disbelief, in utter shock,

staring at Baekhyun who was lying on the cold floor of the café.

They had come and properly introduced one another,

they sat by the window, where Chanyeol's darling loves it the most.

It was raining now, just as the weather foretold.

Everything went well until Chanyeol's mother got a slip of tongue and said something wrong.

They started arguing, mother and son.

It escalated when she called his lover a waste of space,

something unneeded in Chanyeol's life, only worsening him.

Baekhyun tried calming them down but his weak, soft voice couldn't reach the loud screams filling the café in which now all attention was directed at their table.

„M-Mother, Chanyeol, please..d-don't fight.“

Baekhyun had tried so hard,

eventually he started panicking, 

his breathing growing heavier by the second, vision hazing, getting blurry.

He tried holding onto a chair,

tried holding a firm grip on it but his weak arms gave in and he collapsed onto the floor.

 

~

They took him to the hospital,

calling the ambulance almost immediatelly when the meek boy collapsed.

Chanyeol's mother felt guilty,

and so did Chanyeol.

  He lost control over what he was saying when she stepped over the linewhich should've never been crossed, insulting Baekhyun.

He lost control and didn't notice when his baby was suffering and trying so hard to pull them apart.

In all the midst of that he had ignored taking his medication.

The poor boy couldn't keep up for a longer time if it was without that.

Chanyeol had told his mother about Baekhyun,

and the doctor told Chanyeol about him as well.

He had a weak physique,

 he couldn't keep up if Chanyeol didn't slow down,

another reason why their love-making sessions were always so gentle and low-paced.

His mother felt sorry,

she broke into tears,

 muttering endless apologies as she burried her face into her hands.

 

„We're sorry.“

 

they spoke,

on the room lay a thick silence,

only the sound of a frail green line jumping through a black screen could be heard.

Those words felt far away for Baekhyun,

they felt suffocating,

incomprehendable,

unbelieveable.

And they were suffocating,

now the silence cut through his lungs like a sharp knife,

making it difficult to breathe.

He broke into a cold sweat,

hands uncontrolably shaking and tears unstoppably gushing like blood out of a large wound.

 

„We're sorry.“

 

There it was again,

the sentence he hated most right now.

He  hadn't gone for a check-up for so long not even he can remember anymore,

he didn't feel the need to do so,

brushing the frequent pain off as a cold or migrane or something.

Baekhyun could've blamed it on Chanyeol, 

but he had to blame himself as much as possible,

  for not being able to force himself to listen and let the male talk him into visiting the hospital together with him.

 

„Sickness; Lung cancer,

Stage: III.“

 

Is what they told him,

yet it was still unbelieveable.

It probably wasn't but Baekhyun just couldn't accept it,

He couldn't accept it,

He didn't want to accept it, the truth hurt him way too much.

 

It would be confusing,

at least for somebody who didn't know what was going on, 

why not go for a check-up and get treated in time?

Why not just agree to Chanyeol's idea, it couldn't have just been a normal cold and Baekhyun knew it.

But why was he refusing to go?

Was he hiding something he didn't want his lover to know of?

Not like something could've gone wrong during the treatment,

not like he had nobody to support him on the way to recovery.      

But,

he couldn't do it

he didn't want to find out about

and accept the fact that he was sick,

and hurt his giant that way.

 

“ My friends have no idea

you’ve only wooed two of them before

but they’re living on the opposite coast

and I have you all to myself now—

staring at me from the deep end

the bottom of a bottle of gin

the pills my uncle took in desperation,

you are more than an early grave.. ”

 

Could it get any worse?

The answer was simple and clear, yes. 

And it got worse.

It was one day when Chanyeol was out at school that his mother decided on calling,

not calling him though, but calling Baekhyun.

They met up in a park this time, 

the woman afraid of Baekhyun fainting again spoke in a happy but fake tone.

                                                              „Do you like it here? I thought about meeting you at a café but I'm guessing you're sick of those as much as my son is now.                                                                                                                                           So,I thought why not go out into the nature, where the air is fresh and it's quiet. Pretty good idea, don't you think so dear?“

Baekhyun could only nod and stare down at the ground, what in the world did she want?

„Mother,“

he spoke, making the woman unnoticably cringe a bit,

„could you please get to the point? I doubt that you'd go out of your way just to take your son's life ruiner into the park for a casual chat. Don't you think so, too?“

Sighing deeply he looked her in the eye, serious as ever to which she only replied with a coy smile.

„Guess you've figured me out,huh? Well..“

She paused, taking in a deep breath of air,

„I know your situation but, could you please stay away from my son for a while? I'm sure you understand yourself that he tries so hard to study in order to get into a good university and guarantee himself a good job, in order to provide for you.

I won't be able to financialy support him forever, Baekhyun dear.You should know that.“

Said male nodded in response, his chest felt heavy, in pain,

it was suffocating again, it was unbearable again,

he wanted to cry but he needed to keep it together for Chanyeol.

                                                      „I'm glad we can come to an agreement,he's been out of it lately because of you. He worries a lot and that keeps him from school and studying,                                                          heck I even got a call from the headmaster informing me about his lack of good progress.“

„I understand, I'll stay away from him as much as possible ma'am.“

                                                       „Good! That's the spirit, I'm sure you can understand that all this is what I'm doing as a mother because I care, you have a mother as well, don't you dear?                                     She's probably worried about you and your health.“

No.

That wasn't true.

She wasn't there anymore, 

his mother.

Ever since that night his father beat her senseless she left, 

leaving him behind.

 

It would be confusing,

  at least for somebody who didn't know what was going on,

 why would a mother leave her one and only child alone

 with the man who hurt her?

 Why couldn't she just pack his stuff as well and wake him up in the midst of the night, telling him to get ready?

Why couldn't she just take him with herself?

But,

not like she had the choice of staying,

not like she could look her son in the eye anymore

after he had witnessed that.

 

“ You are the walking dead

numbness caught on pins and needles

dread without drama

you are the anesthetic that is 4am.”

 

Could it get any worse?

The answer was simple and clear, yes.

And it got worse.

It was one day when Chanyeol came home late from school that his lover decided on vanishing in thin air, 

not a message, a note, nothing.

He started panicking,

Where in the world could he have gone alone?

He ran out, just throwing his bag aside and ran, and ran.

He had looked in the park, in nearby cafés, at the flower shops, and lastly at the beach.

Where Baekhyun actually was,

his lone slender, fragile figure sitting in the sand,

frame hugged by a dark green, long sweater, light blue jeans lifted up to his knees as a pair of red converse sat beside the legs he dug into the afternoon sand.

His dark brown hair messily swept back by the wind, pale cheeks swollen and stained with tears,

as one of his arms went up, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of the oversized sweater Baekhyun quietly sniffled to himself.

Chanyeol felt a pang in his chest,

it hurt,

 it hurt to see Baekhyun like that again.

He went up to him without any hestitation,

kneeling down behind the boy and swiftly wrapping his strong arms around his waist.

It took Chanyeol all the strenght he had to keep himself from crying and the shaking of his large shoulders took Baekhyun by surprise.

„Where were you? I looked everywhere but I just couldn't find you!

Byun Baekhyun do you have any ing idea how scared I was?

How much I feared that something might've happened to you?!“

Chanyeol's voice cracked, he didn't want it  but that just happened.

The meek boy turned around, arms finding their place back around his lover's neck and face raising up to meet his gaze.

„I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being so selfish, Yeol. I'm just keeping you away from the things important to you. You wanna study..and..and get into a good college and get a good job and—„

                                                                                                                                                            „Baek, it's okay.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      You were never selfish to begin with, the thing keeping me away from the things important to me is school.                                                                                                                                                                                                                           School is keeping me away from you, Baek. It's unbearable.                                                                                                                                                                                     Sure, everybody wants a good job and lots of money so they can lead a happy life. But I only need you for that, I don't need money or a good job to be happy,                                  I need you.

They shared a kiss in the warm summer breeze,

under the light bathed orange sky of Seoul's late afternoon.

After a long talk Chanyeol decided it was time for them to head home,

He dusted Baekhyun's pants of and helped him put his shoes back on,

taking the boy by his small hand when done.

They walked slowly, stopping on some occasions when it was too much for Baekhyun.

By the time they crossed half the way home it was already night,

and as you know it  that's when most drunkards come out.

A man staggered across the street, 

bottle of alcohol in hand, merrily singing crude songs to himself.

Chanyeol hid Baekhyun behind his back, trying to avoid the drunk as best as he could but it seemed that he would fail at that, considering that the man was actually approaching them now.

The tall male tensed up, his hand gripping tighter at his lover's smaller one which resulted in a small yelp of pain.

The drunkard looked up, eyes half lidded and disgusting smirk as wide as possible, he reeked of beer.

The smaller male's eyes went wide as he cowered behind Chanyeol, tugging at the back of his dress shirt to pull him back into retreat.

„Y-Yeol, ma-maybe we should take a different route.“

He pleaded worriedly, grip tightening.

„What are you talking about, Baekhyun? We're just going to pass by this guy and done.“

The man in front of them snapped out of his  thoughts as he heard the boy's name.

„Baekhyunnnnnnn, ish thattt you mah baby?“

He slurred, shaking the bottle around as Chanyeol cocked an eyebrow at him.

Baekhyun poked his head out from behind said male's shoulder as he glared at the man, his gaze if possible would be shooting daggers and dripping venom.

„Come ohhnn, yerr liffflleee ! Hoooo come yee dun recognize yerr father anymore??!“

The bald man screamed and Chanyeol's eyes went wide.

He should've avoided a situation like this if only Baekhyun had warned him earlier.

„Answhuuu me, you pieshh offf shiirrtt!“

He slammed the green bottle of beer against a lightpost and turned back to them.

Now, the green bottle was half no more,

the broken glass like small little daggers glistened in the artificial light.

With an almost animalistic growl he charged forward, his now only intention to stab the boy to death.

Chanyeol launched himself forward, though not soon enough to grab him by the wrist, the glass bottle now burrying itself into his hand as he firmly held it, blood dripping onto the concrete.

Baekhyun yelled but Chanyeol didn't listen, he punched the man as hard as he could muster in the head, repeatedly kicking him anywhere and everywhere he could with his foot before pulling what was left of the bottle and slammed it onto his head, instantly killing him.

He breathed hard, too hard, blood gushing out of his hand as he dropped onto his knees.

Baekhyun's eyes were wide, not trying to hide the shock as tears streamed down his face.

He wrapped his tiny, skinny arms around Chanyeol's shoulders giving it all he could to push him up.

~

Chanyeol was lying on the bed, hand thickly wrapped up in gauze.

Baekhyun was lucky enough to find a first aid kit lying around Chanyeol's apartment, taking a pair of tweezers to pull the tiny pieces of leftover glass out of his boyfriend's hand and then washing it all out with desinfectant as the male screamed in pain while the alcohol burned through his wounds.

The realization had only hit him later,

Chanyeol had killed a man.

But not just any man,

He had killed Baekhyun's father in the midst of trying to protect the kid.

Days had passed ever since then, probably even weeks and Chanyeol's hand had somewhat healed, but his mind was in a different state.

Ever since then he rarely slept, the moments when he'd be able to close his eyes and rest were rare.

And if they happened it'd leave the boy screaming out in his sleep forcing Baekhyun out of bed to wake him.

Chanyeol would keep his sleeplessness away with pills,

he took them every day, never wanting to make an exception even if the nightmares haunted him.

Yet skillfully hiding them from his lover, pretending everything was fine.

You can't say they really helped him much, almost as if pills hated him, especially ones for sleeping.

 As if to make him pay for drinking too much caffeine as he mindlessly stared at a bottle of them.

Baekhyun got anxiety attacks every now and then when his giant took him outside,

 as if his sickness wasn't making life ty enough.

He felt constantly downright ty, sick to the gut and exhausted opening up the need for anti-depressants aside from the medication he was already taking.

His condition was getting worse and worse, he tried not giving it too much attention, not wanting to worry his Yeol but his Yeol noticed it, and noticed it way too much.

Leading to a forced conversation about visiting the hospital one morning, a thing which Baekhyun harshly refused.

He had the sudden need of going to LotteWorld, Gyeongbokgung, the National Museum of Art and lastly Namsan Tower, not forgetting to get himself and the giant a lock and put it there.

It all made Chanyeol feel as if he'd been doing it not to miss out on the wonders Seoul had to offer,

he wanted to do anything and everything,

 living every day like it was his first and last.

 

It would be confusing,

at least for somebody who didn't know what was going on, 

why not just tell your beloved about what's bothering you?

Why just brush it all off like it was some nonsensical, unimportant thing?          

But,

not like he didn't want to tell Chanyeol,

he couldn't, 

he didn't have the heart to break him.

Or so he thought.

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

aaaah i'm really sorry for keeping people waiting on this i hope you haven't given up on me ; - ; sobbu

i wanted to make it a twoshot but i guess i can't manage it, i really wanted to finish but i' m waiting for something and 

i hope it's finished anytime soon now

please look forward to the last chapter!