They woke up at the evening. Tao was still sleeping when Sehun opened his eyes. The affection of his love was there, sleeping soundly beside him. Tao was hugging him and that made Sehun smiled a bit. How can he still hug Sehun like this when he sleep? Sehun was literally sleeping in Tao’s arm and had another of Tao’s arm wrapped around him.

He moved a little bit farther so he could see Tao’s face. He moved Tao’s hand a bit but he was startled when Tao suddenly woke up. He grabbed Tao’s hand immediately.

“Hey, I’m here.” Tao said, going back to hugged Sehun.

“Don’t startle me like that.”

“I’m not doing anything though.”

“But I felt that you are going to go away.”

“I just move your hand a little bit so I can see your face and give you a kiss, silly.”

“Sorry. I just—”

“No need to explain.” Sehun kissed him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Like I said years ago. I won’t be the one to break us up and the possibility is on you.” Sehun said.

“Break us up? Are we boyfriends now?”

“Are we not? I thought—We—”

“Yes we are, honey. But actually after the thing that we did, I don’t even think I could ever let us break up.” Tao kissed him.

“What thing we did?”

“Make love.” Make love?

“We had .”

“No, it’s not just . Because we did it with love. We did it because I love you so much and you love me.”

“I love you so much too, idiot.” Make love sounds good. Sehun smiled to himself.

“It’s late now, do you want to go out for dinner?”

“Can we have delivery instead? I don’t feel like moving right now. This is too comfortable.” Sehun said, getting closer to Tao.

“Fine for me. What do you want to eat?”

“Chicken. Many of it.”

“Okay.” Tao reached for his pants, taking out his phone and made the order. “Now. What should we do?”

“Actually. I have something to tell you.” Sehun said sitting down but hissed a little because of the pain on his lower back.

“Hun, are you okay?” Tao sit up too, both of them leaning on the wall, pillow on each of their lower backs.

“I’m fine” Tao was going to round his arm on Sehun but Sehun stopped him. “I’m going to tell you all of the things that happened to me. And as long as I talk, I want some distance on us.” Sehun said determinedly.

“Okay.”

“And don’t cut me off. I don’t know I will ever have the courage again to tell you this.”

“Fine. You can go on.” Tao leaned sideway on the wall and looked at Sehun.

“Can you hold my hand?”

“You told me to give you some space.”

“But I need moral support!” Tao grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers without saying a word. Sehun took a deep breath before he spoke again. “I never tell anyone about this, not even Suho hyung. And anything you would do after this is your choice. I won’t judge you and I won’t get mad too. You can do everything you want after this.”

“Okay.”

“This is a kinda long story though. Do you want to hear that? No, you have to hear that because I won’t be able to live peacefully if you don’t know about it. Do you—”

“I’m waiting, Hun.” Tao brought Sehun’s hand up and kiss it.

“Fine.” Sehun sighed and look at their joining hands. “I was thirteen that time while Suho hyung was seventeen. My father had an affair and left both of me and Suho hyung with my sick mother. Mother’s illness was getting worse and she died by killing herself three months after. That was the toughest time for me and Suho hyung. Father didn’t even show up his face so everything was handed to Suho hyung. It was only both of us left and Suho hyung tried to be a father, a mother, and a brother to me. He was on his last year of high school but he had to do everything so both of us can live. We lived by the money mother’s safe and it soon run out. After Suho hyung graduated, he worked part time and applied to university. He got full scholarship since he was born genius. And the money he got from the work was used to pay for my school and our daily needs. He did everything for me. I asked him for a new phone on my birthday and he even bought me one while he only used the old one he had for years. I was so immature that time. When I think about it now, I’m sure that he really had something planned for that money, but he gave it away for me instead.”

“He did it because he loves you.”

“I know. That’s why I treasure him a lot. He did too much for me and I really wanna pay him in every possible way.” Sehun looked at Tao’s eyes. “Now, is the part that even Suho hyung don’t know. I never tell this to anyone. But I think I have to tell you.” he held Tao’s hand tighter and looked back down. “At the second year of high school.” he paused. “I.. I was by my teacher.” Tao frowned. “He.. He told me I could get better score. He told me I could get the scholarship and help Suho hyung with my school’s fee. I was so naïve back then and I believed him easily. Then it happened. I washed my body again and again, but I still felt dirty. I stayed on the bathroom for hours, crying out my heart and just walked out when Suho hyung home. I lied to him about my red eyes, I smiled and laughed at him like nothing happened, and fortunately he believed it. I didn’t went to school for a week and kept on trying to cleaned myself till all of the skin turned red. Everything was fallen back then but I can’t open up my mouth to tell Suho hyung. I went back to the school the next week and tried to avoid that teacher every time. One month later, the news was out. There were three more other victims. The kids’ parents ragged to the school committee and the teacher was fired and jailed. But no one knows that the first victim was actually me.” he gulped.

“I thought my life could get better after that. I tried to forget and focus at school. I should be smart like Suho hyung so he didn’t need to pay for my university because I was sure that he won’t let me as a high school graduate only. Suho hyung graduated as the top graduate later then he worked at a good company and made better money for both of us. But it turned out bad for his health. Being the first born from a woman with health problem brought something bad for him. His heart’s condition wasn’t good and he got weaker each day until finally he had to be hospitalized. I didn’t have money that time so the only thing I could do was to sell our house. I got big amount of money from that and I used that to continue my school and pay the hospital bill. I rented a small room at that one place and only had few things. I sold almost all of the things I had. I tried to find part time job but there wasn’t any place which willing to employ a high schooler, so I came to the only place which will. I worked as a waiter in a night club and that was when I met Chanyeol.”

“Long story short, we talked, we hanged out and he asked me to live with him when he knew where I live. He had his own apartment and he thought I would make a good company for him. He asked me not to work at the club anymore and just focus on my school. I lived there at last. I didn’t know how, but I fell for him each day since. We were fine for a couple of months. He even came to my graduation day and gave me a watch as gift. We kissed, we hugged, we cuddled, but we never had . We were basically like a couple. I really trusted him that time, so I tried to be honest with him. I told him about Suho hyung. And about that.”

“About what?” Tao asked.

“About me being . He took it fine at first, but he started to avoid me. He started to distance himself when I tried to approach him. We kept living like this for a whole month until he finally said that he had a boyfriend. Well, we were not boyfriends so he basically can be with anyone, but still, that hurt me a lot. I left his house the next day and started to live here with the money I stole from him. I was sure he can manage without that little money and he did. I never met him again since.”

“I worked back at the night club and attended university because I don’t want to disappoint Suho hyung. I want him to see me as what he wants when he wake up later. But well, my dirty secret was haunting me every time, moreover when I worked at such place. There was one night when I served a customer and he told me to brought alcohol to his room and I did. He asked me to stay because he was broken heart and he needed a company. We talked for a while and the next thing I realize I woke up in a hotel’s bed with sore body and cheque on the bedside table. I washed my body like the first time again and cried. I kept the cheque. I wanted to return it to him and told him that I wasn’t that kind of person. I’m not someone who sold my body for money. But at the end, that was I am. Suho hyung’s hospital bill had to be paid at the end of the week and I didn’t have the money for that, so I ended up using the cheque. And since that, I did what I did. I became fake boyfriend for the single guys who were lonely and needed a company. I came out with the contract since some of them were too hard to be left out. I didn’t want any relationship. I didn’t want to attach with any people. Every time I had with the guys, I will go right away to the bathroom and cleaned myself. I know it had no use, but I can’t help but feeling dirty. And all of them were just a disgusting being, like me. I only wanted to make sure Suho hyung got the best treatment. I was dirty since the first, so I had nothing to lose. But Suho hyung is still pure. He is the kindest man on earth and he deserves all the best the world could give. And my job is to make sure he gets all of it. I would do anything for him. Even if he disgusted by me and throw me away, I will still do everything silently for him.” Sehun looked at Tao. His eyes were glossy. He bit his lower lip and forced a little smile.

“Thanks God he didn’t. He still accepted me after I told him what I did with my life. He is really the best brother I could ever have. He is really an angel while I am just a sinful person. I don’t even have the right to say God.” Sehun chocked a little.

“Sehun..”

“No word could make me feel better, Tao. You don’t need to try to say any comforting words. I know what I did, and I know what kind of person I am. I even did that to you. I helped you out of the bully and I thought that you could be my next target. I saw your clothes, your bags, your shoes and all of them screamed rich. I tried to get close to you so I could have your money. I am that kind of person. I’m sorry you have to meet someone like me. You won’t be trapped in this mess if I didn’t bug you constantly that time. I’m sorry.” Sehun finally cried.

“What are you sorry for?”

“Everything.”

“Hun..” Tao got closer and cupped Sehun’s face, wiping the tears on Sehun’s cheeks with his thumbs. “I told you before, right? I am grateful that you kept on bugging me that time. If you don’t, I won’t ever know an amazing person like you.”

“But I’m not. I’m dirty. I’m disgusting. You deserve better than someone like me. I lied to you!”

“Yes, you did. But tell me honestly. Why didn’t you give me any contract even after we had been dating for months?”

“Because I was stupid. I thought you were different. I thought what we did can be more than that. I thought you really love me. Because I want you for myself.”

“I love you. I do since the time I asked you to be my boyfriend.”

“But then you became the next Chanyeol and since that time, I know that I will never deserve anyone. I am just a trash and no one wants me.”

“Sshh.. Stop thinking like that. I want you. I want you even after all of the things you told me just now.” Tao smile to him. “Because now, I know the real Sehun. I know how amazing he is. I know how he can love someone so deeply. I know how great he is to sacrifice himself for the sake of his brother. And that, make me want him more. If you ever meet this Sehun of mine, please tell him I love him. Too much. Not even his past can make me stop loving him. I did too many things to eventually have him again and I’m not going to give him up ever. Do you think you could tell him that?” Sehun nodded with tears on his cheeks.

“Good. Now, what’s that Sehun of mine say?”

“I love you.”

“You are Hun, you are not Sehun”

“I am Sehun!”

“No, you lied.”

“I don’t!”

“Who you are exactly?”

“I’m your Sehun. Your Hun. Yours.” Sehun said and wrapped himself around Tao.

“Don’t ever take that back.”

“I won’t. I’m sorry for your misfortune, but I really love you and I want to be selfish just for this time.” Sehun said smiling.

“You can be selfish all you want. I won’t be going anywhere from now on.” Tao kissed his head. “Do you want to take a bath?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Well, you said you always clean yourself after .”

“We made love, not just , so it’s okay. For the first time since forever, I don’t feel disgusting of myself. And all of that is because of you.”

“I’m flattered, really. But please keep in my mind that you are only mine now. And forever.”

Tao leaned down and kissed Sehun tenderly. He kissed Sehun like the first time ever. The kiss was started to get heated if not by the knock on the door.

“Wear your pants and shirt. I don’t like sharing what’s mine.” Sehun said before giving Tao a peck.

“Possessive much, huh?”