THREE YEARS LATER

Tao arrived in Seoul and the first place he went to was not his house, but Sehun. It’s been a long time. After that incident, Tao never see Sehun anymore. They didn’t meet, they didn’t talk, they didn’t call or text each other. Since that night, Sehun and Tao were stranger.

Tao missed Sehun. No one can deny it, not even him. He deleted Sehun’s phone number, but there was one folder in his gallery with Sehun’s photos. So many of them. It’s the last thing he had about Sehun anyway. He promised himself that he will delete it one day. One day when it doesn’t hurt anymore to see the photos. One day when he can survive days without itching to open the folder and scroll the photos. But that day never came, and the folder still remained.

He was back to Seoul after three years. He had a runway to go in Seoul. Tao didn’t tell about Sehun to his brother. He only said that the reason he was back because he was heartbroken and he want to forget everything. And being a good brother, Xiao Ming didn’t ask too many questions. He just supported Tao with his own way. He basically helped him with anything.

Tao attended another university in China and graduated after three years. He was a big model in China. There were so many banners, ads, all around in the street with his face on it. He was on the cover of magazines too sometimes. He declined all the acting offers because he thought it was more comfortable to be just a model. He would end up helping his brother on his family’s company anyway, so he just wasting the times he had to do the things he want, which is modeling.

He drove all the way to that place. He found it funny that after three years, he still remembered the way to Sehun’s house perfectly. He didn’t know if Sehun still live in that house or not since so many things could happen in the span if three years, but even if Sehun was not there anymore, he still wanted to see that house. There were so many memories at that house though. Although Tao wanted, he couldn’t ever forget it. The hugs, the cuddles, the kisses. Everything he ever did with Sehun. He stopped his car a little bit far than Sehun house.

The house looked the same. Nothing changed. He wondered if Sehun still live there or not. He didn’t dare to come and knock on the door, so he just patiently waited and watched. Ten minutes later, someone came out of the house. It was not a mistake. Tao can’t possibly mistake that boy to someone else. It’s Sehun.

Tao’s heart was clenching inside. How much he missed him. Sehun was wearing a denim shirt and black pants. His hair was short, black, and fall down just like that. How Tao really wants to run his hand over that soft hair. Sehun was still as fair as ever. He had a bag slung over his shoulder and he walked away from his house.

Tao followed him, he was going to a photo studio and being the curious Tao, he asked around about Sehun. Later that he knew that Sehun was working as a photographer. Tao found out Sehun’s number from his friends, faking himself as a client. He went home after that and stared at the paper with Sehun’s number on it.

Tao didn’t know what happened to him. He made sure to erase all the things about Sehun and he only wanted to see the house and no more. He never imagined just by seeing Sehun, he would do all the things he did. He wanted to know more about Sehun’s current life. He wanted to meet him, to talk to him, to hug him again. And at that moment, Tao knew, that once again, Sehun screw his mind.

Tao went back to Sehun’s house the night after. Sehun was walking home with groceries in his hands. He was walking with someone. Someone much shorter than him. That man has a black hair and very fair skin, just like Sehun. They were chatting and that man would put his hand once in a while on Sehun’s shoulder. Tao didn’t know what’s going on him, but he walked out of his car.

He walked towards those two men. They stopped their movement when they saw Tao. That man’s face was a little bit confuse because he didn’t know who Tao was, but he still have a polite smile on his face. In the contrary, Sehun’s face looked expressionless. Tao remembered that Sehun like to put that face in front of people, but he never did it to Tao. He was always full of expressions when he was with Tao.

Sehun’s hand gave away his expression because he was gripping the groceries too tight, and Tao got a little bit mad. He didn’t even know why he mad, but he just did.

“Long time no see, Sehun.” he said, rather sarcastically.

“I know.” Sehun remained silent.

“And who are you? Sehun’s new boyfriend?” that man started to frown.

“I think I have an idea who you are.”

“Really?”

“Yeah..” he shrugged. “Let’s go, Sehun. We don’t really have time.” that man link his on Sehun’s arm and dragged him away.

“You don’t know what you are going into, young man. Sehun is not like what you think.”

Tao was a little bit annoyed but something he didn’t even know. He was being sarcastic for no reason and he knew it. That man turned his head and glared at Tao. He pulled off his hand and walked a little bit nearer to Tao.

“First, you should start to respect someone older than you. Second, if you are going to irritate me, you failed. And third, you know nothing about Sehun while I know everything about him. Every. Single. Little. Thing. No one knows Sehun better than me. Now, please excuse us. We have dinner to make.”

Tao was beyond annoyed now. Who was that person to claim that he know Sehun the best. Even when Tao thought he know Sehun, he was completely wrong. Tao makes sure that he won’t see Sehun anymore. He would finish his work quickly and leave. Sehun got a new toy anyway.

Tao went to meet Jongdae the next day. He missed him after all. He went to the hospital and went into Jongdae’s office without knocking. He was going to throw himself to Jongdae and pinned him like he used to, but something halted him. Jongdae was sitting in the sofa with a man sitting across him. They were having a cup of coffee each and both of them looked a little bit startled to see Tao. It wasn’t like they are doing anything though, they sat face to face to each other, but when the man turned his face and saw Tao, his smiles was gone.

“Ya Brat! Why are you barked to someone’s office without knocking? Manner, man!” both Jongdae and that man stood up and walked to Tao.

“Who is he?” Tao asked without moving his glare from that man.

“Ah, I have to introduce you guys. Suho hyung, this is Tao, the most problematic man I’ve ever seen in my whole life. And Tao, this is Suho hyung, the new IT intellect in my hospital and he is my new bestfriend because you ditched me. Anyway, welcome back, man! I wanna say I missed you, but it’s too cheesy, so no. What do you want to drink?” Jongdae walked to the little fridge in the corner of his room.

“Hyung?” Tao said, looking at Suho.

“Yes?” Jongdae answered and stopped from rummaging his fridge.

“Jongdae ya, I think your problematic friend kinda need you now.” Suho made sure to faced Tao at the ‘problematic friend’. “Thanks for the coffee, I’m going back to work. Excuse me, Tao-ssi.” Suho smiled a little and walked out of the door.

“Jongdaeya.”

“Yah! I’m your hyung!” Jongdae threw a can of soda to Tao, he caught it perfectly.

“Jongdae hyung. Who is that man?”

“I told you. His name is Suho and he is an IT—”

“I heard you.”

“Then?”

“I mean.. I saw him with Sehun yesterday.”

“Well, he is his brother though. Why not?”

“What?”

“Suho hyung is Sehun’s older brother.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Suho was in coma for more than a year because of failed heart, and he got donor around, what? Three years ago?”

“What?”

“Well, it’s around the time you went back to China I think.” Jongdae sipped his coffee. “I don’t know it too at first. I was walking around the hospital that night and I saw Sehun sitting and worrying alone in front of the surgery room and when I asked him, he told me that he was waiting for a heart transplant surgery for his hyung. That’s when I knew about Suho hyung. He is an IT genius!”

“What?”

“Are you run out of vocab? You kept asking me what! You should have known though, you were his boyfriend after all.” Jongdae saw Tao fell to the sofa. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to talk about you and Sehun. I still don’t even know why you two breakup though. Listen. I don’t know about you and Sehun, and I don’t know if by telling you this will make any changes, but.. I saw that face on Sehun that time. He was scared. I didn’t know if I look it wrong, but it seems like he cried before. His eyes were puff and red. The surgery took a long of time. The morning after, I walked back to the waiting room and he was still there. I was thinking to tell you, but seeing he himself didn’t tell you, I chose not to and accompany him instead. He was so pale. He looked like he might faint soon, so I just told him to rest and I’ll tell him when the surgery done. He resisted it at first, but he fall half an hour later. I brought him to a room and told the doctor to treat him. He got a high fever. The time when he woke up, he wasn’t in any better shape. He pulled out the IV drop and walked back to the surgery room. The nurses tried to stop him but he kept walking and kept mumbling hyung. One of the nurses told me and I brought him to Suho’s room. He broke down after he saw Suho hyung laid in the bed. The moment Suho hyung woke up and touch his hands was the time Sehun cried the hardest. He hugged Suho hyung and cried like a child fearing of losing their parents. And that time, I knew that Suho hyung is the important pieces of his life. I left them alone. Then I met Sehun again couple days after and as about you two. He told me that you two breakup. I asked him why. He smiled at me, telling me the answer. He thanked me and walked away. Do you know what was his answer?” Tao shook his head. “Because I’m not worth it. That’s what he said. And let me tell you that his smile was the fakest smile I’ve ever seen. What’s happened actually?”

“I think I screwed up something, hyung. I really screwed it up.”

“Well, I have no more meeting till tonight, so I can be all ears.”

Tao told Jongdae everything. From the anonymous messages, the photos, the guy, the contract. How they broke up, how Tao met Sehun and Suho hyung and said bad words to him. Tao told him all of it and being the kind Jongdae, he was listening carefully and didn’t make any bad comments towards Tao. Tao was frustrated. He should listen to Sehun first.

“It’s more complicated that I thought. I actually thought you cheat on him.”

“Why would I cheat thought?”

“Because you are the one who look more like a cheater than him.”

“I hate you, hyung.”

“I hate you too if that makes you feel better. I think you have to talk to Suho hyung.”

“Yeah. I think so too. At least I really have to apologize to him.”

“Well, you can find him around this floor. He used to go to the balcony though.”

“Okay, I really need to fix this, hyung. Thank you!” Tao hugged Jongdae, trapping his head on his chest.

“I can’t breath you brat!!”

“Bye hyung!” Tao was walking out, but stopped and turned around. “Anyway hyung, I’m sorry for you and Liyin jie.” he made an apologetic face.

“Nah.. It’s okay. She found a better man. And I don’t need your pity kid. You don’t know how many girls are queuing to date me right now. Don’t blame my handsome face though.”

“You are as narcissistic as ever, hyung. Well, I’ll try to hook you up with some girls one day. Bye!”

Tao was running out of Jongdae’s room and searching for Suho. He had something to confirm and there was no one who can but Suho. Just like Jongdae said, Tao found him on the balcony. Hands on the railing, looking out at the garden under. Tao coughed a little to make his presence known. Suho turned his head to see him and turned back his head again towards the garden.

“Is there anything I could help?” he said without facing Tao.

“Suho-ssi. I.. Want to apologize about yesterday.”

“It’s okay. It’s not me who you need to apologize for.”

“I know.” Tao made a move to stand beside him, he made sure to make some space in between though.

“Jongdae told you?”

“Yeah.”

“I heard everything from Sehun. He told me everything happened to him while I was in coma. You were an .”

“Well, if you were me that time, you’d do the same.”

“Probably. But you know what? Hurting from breakup and broken heart is different than hurting from the insult someone threw at you. Moreover when that someone is the most important to you. You hurt him too much. I would have killed you if I was there, but it’s a relief that I was there after. I can’t imagine Sehun suffering alone from that pain.” Suho still didn’t look at Tao.

“Is it that bad?”

“Just imagine when you have no one in this world. No parent, no family, no friends, only a brother, but he was in coma, he couldn’t do anything for you. You could only talk to him but you won’t get any response. You did anything to make sure that your sick and useless brother’s still breathing and alive with the support of all the heavy machines the hospital can offer, although that means you had to throw away your life and your pride to gain money because that one person is the one you had live with since you were kid. You went through so much until you find someone you love by heart. You had a hope that maybe that person could be the other one for you. You had a hope that you could one day introduce that person to you brother when he wake up. Then when there was a chance for you brother to wake up, that person threw all your hopes to the deepest hell and left all the scares in your heart. How’d you feel about that?”

Tao was speechless. He was indeed, know nothing about Sehun.

“Sorry if I got mad. I can’t control my emotion when I thought about what Sehun had been through. I am a useless brother after all.”

“I’m.. Really sorry.”

“I told you it’s not me who you should apologize to.” Suho paused. “After I woke up, Sehun barely smile. His expressionless face was back again. I never saw it since the day our parent left us. He was only thirteen back then, while I was seventeem. Our father went away with another woman, our sick mother can’t stand it and killed herself. What a problematic family were we.” he chuckled. “Since then, Sehun always has his own wall. He never let people near him. The only one he could smile at, was me. Every time I asked him why he never brought a friend home, he always gave me the same answer. I don’t like people, and I don’t need it. Just hyung only is enough for me. That’s why I always try to protect him from everything. But I’m a human after all, I got sick and Sehun was torn.”

“Why are you telling me all of these? Don’t you mad at me?”

“I am. But I’m not sure myself as to why I told you. It might be because I don’t want you to see Sehun as a bad person because that is the least thing he is. I feel guilty for putting him through all of that. He won’t be like that if it’s not because of me. And perhaps because I think you guys could make it if you met under a different circumstance.” Suho finally turned to look at Tao. “You know. He told me everything. Each and one of the details since the first time I fell sick till the time I wake up. He told it to me like it was nothing. Expresionless. Like all the things he had been up to was nothing. But when the first time I heard your name, he cried. And from that on, he kept crying as his story continuing. As far as I know, he doesn’t cry if it wasn’t about me. He didn’t even cry when his classmates bullied him until he bleed. But that time, when he cried, I know that you must be someone important to him.” Suho heaved a long sigh and turned his head away. “But he is getting better. I still can’t erase that expressionless face of him, but at least he is being himself with me although his smile is never the same. Because I know that the most important person for him is not me anymore but someone else. I’m still trying though. He only has me after all.”

“No, he has me. Do you think.. Do you think he could forgive me?”

“I don’t know. I have no answer for that.” Suho smiled at Tao for the first time ever. “Sehun is a photographer now. He worked in studio and as a freelance sometimes. He is a well-known around his industry. He made decent money for living. Don’t you think his little house is too rusty to live for someone like him? That house is too small for two adults to live at. So, I get my own place, a way better one of course. I asked him to move in with me, but he told me he want to stay there. He really has to make me go back and forth between my house and his. Do you think he has a reason for that?” Suho’s smirk only made Tao frowned.

“Perhaps he likes it better there? You know, attached or something. He lives there for a long time. That place has so many memories though.” Tao was getting emotional just by the thought of it.

“Indeed. There are only two persons that ever went in to that house beside Sehun though. One is me of course. But I’m the second person. The first person is you.”

Tao looked at him wide eyes. It can’t be. Sehun never told him though. All of the things they ever did in that house swam around Tao’s mind. Suho looked at Tao as he processing all of the things. He somehow had belief in Tao.

“Do you mean? He—”

“Yes. He doesn’t move out because he is waiting for someone. He never told me, but I know that in his deepest heart, he still has hope that one day you will find him again. And by the time comes, you will know where to find him. Yeah.. He is childish like that.”

“I—I did a big mistake, didn’t I?”

“At least you know it now. I hope you get a new perspective on seeing him now.”

“Yeah. I.. Actually I..”

“You regret everything, I can see that. And you still love him, I can see that too.”

“What should I do?”

“I’m not the one to tell you what to do. You have to do it your own way. I, as the only person he could trust now, will let you try to take him back, but the decision is his no matter what. I couldn’t force him to get back to you if he doesn’t want to. I will not interfere. You can do it your own way. But if I know you hurt him again. I will not hesitate to kill you with my own hands.” Suho smiled creepily at Tao. “I really hope I don’t need to do that though.”

“As long as I get him back, you will not need to do that, Suho-ssi. I promise. I really want him back. I can’t have any relationship for the past three years. Every time someone came to me, I only thought about Sehun and how that person is not him. I tried, really, to forget him. But just by seeing him two days ago, all of my will to forget him crumbled.” Tao sighed and look at the garden. “I was so mad at him that time. I thought I know him but I have to know another truth about him from another person. I felt betrayed. And he came to me to borrow money that I now supposed must be for your surgery. I didn’t even ask him what that money for. I accused him and hurt him in so many ways. I actually don’t think I deserve him anymore now.”

“You are not the one to choose whether you deserve him or not.”

“Yeah. Believe me or not, I even want to win him back when I saw him again at that first day. I want to forget all of the things I knew and just being with him. I believe he would tell me the reason actually at last. I just want him. But I saw you the next day. And I thought he was doing it again and I could never be with someone like him.” Tao looked at Suho and grinned. “But now, thanks to you Suho-ssi. I am certain that I should win him back no matter what.”

“You can call me hyung. And just remember the deal. Hurt him again and I’ll kill you.”

“Yes. Suho hyung”