They've been on dozens of stages in the past years, enough that Yifan has gotten used to the heavy lights overhead and the endless stretch of darkness beyond them. This time feels different, though. It's more than the knowledge that this is their last stage, that this may be the last time they'll be performing together. 

Yifan can tell that Joonmyun and Yixing are also savoring this stage. This is probably one of their best concerts yet, and they're completely in sync from beginning to end. 

There's an expectant hush as the three of them walk onstage for their last song. They sit down in chairs, the lights casting a soft and warm around them. 

This is familiar, comfortable, and Yifan knows that he's going to miss this most of all. Over the years, they've worked together enough that their harmonization comes naturally. They've come so far in the past years, learning to compromise their differences. 

He can hear the audience singing along during the chorus, can see the lights waving in the distance. Yifan holds his microphone out towards the fans, and the sound carries through the speakers. 

Yifan lowers his microphone, messing with his earpiece as Joonmyun starts singing. It's unusually soft, and Yifan wonders if Joonmyun's microphone is faulty. He figures out why, though, when he sees the tears in the corner of Joonmyun's eyes. 

Joonmyun finishes his verse steadily, and Yifan throws an arm around his shoulder as he starts his verse. I'm here for you, he says silently, and he knows that Joonmyun understands. 

It seems like the concert is over too quickly. For once, Yifan doesn't want to leave the stage, soaking in the cheers and screams as the last notes of the song fade away. 

The lights overhead dim, and the audience is surprisingly silent. Yifan can't resist the urge to look over his head, even though he already knows the words that are displayed on the screen behind them. 

If you want to sing, then sing. We sang together for all of these years. Thank you to all of you who sang because you wanted to.

This is their last concert promoting their latest album, but they hadn't yet announced publicly that this would be their last concert with the three of them in the foreseeable future. In a way, it had been inevitable, since their contracts would only last for so long. The importance of this concert hasn't sunk in yet, though, and it probably won't, not until the press conference later.

The lights darken completely, and Yifan knows that they should be going offstage, but he doesn't want to leave. He hadn't thought that he'd come to treasure the stage so much, and he still can't imagine the next months without these concerts, without Joonmyun and Yixing by his side. 

"Come on," Joonmyun says, taking Yifan's hand. 

Yifan can't see Joonmyun's expression, but he knows that Joonmyun is as reluctant to leave from how tightly he's gripping Yifan's hand. 

The atmosphere backstage is eerily sober, especially for such a good stage that they'd put on. It's like everyone knows that this is the last time, and most of the smiles are fake, strained. 

For once, they don't sing along to the radio on their way back. Yifan looks out the window, watching the now familiar scenery pass by. He's come to know this city better than his hometown in the past years. In two days, he'll be on a train, headed back to his old home. He'll stay there to take his college entrance exams, maybe even longer depending on how things turn out. 

Later, when they pull up in front of their dorms and the car goes over a speed bump, Yifan waits for Yixing to start the joke that they say every time their manager parks outside the apartment. But Yixing doesn't say anything, and they make their way silently up to the dorms. 

It shouldn't feel like this, Yifan thinks. They'd promised that they'd meet up again later, so it shouldn't feel this permanent. 

Yifan catches Joonmyun's arm before he can go back to his room. "Do you want to sleep in my room tonight? I mean." Yifan hesitates, trying to backtrack. He never thinks things out well enough to say them aloud, and Joonmyun waits patiently for Yifan to gather his thoughts. "Since it's the last night, I was thinking you could come over. If you want." 

"Is this an exclusive thing?" Yixing asks, sitting down on the couch as he takes off his shoes. "Because I'd like to invite myself." 

"Of course," Yifan says, quickly dropping his hand from Joonmyun's shoulder. 

Joonmyun laughs, taking Yifan's hand before he can pull away and linking their fingers together. "Will you give me something to wear? I've already packed all my things." 

Yixing and Joonmyun are leaving a day before Yifan, early tomorrow morning. Yifan swallows, nodding as he tries to push away thoughts of the future. They still have a few hours together. 

"On second thought, I might have to turn down that invitation," Yixing says, laughing as he walks into his room. 

Yixing ends up coming over later anyway, a large pillow under his arm and a bag of chips in his hand. "At least this means we won't have a diet anymore." 

Yifan rolls his eyes, but he grabs the chips and tears open the bag. It's been too long since he's last had a snack, especially since they've constantly been under public eye. He'd learned firsthand the backlashes of fame, and the amount of freedom they'll have from now on is almost mind blowing. 

In an effort to distract themselves from the goodbyes they'll have to say tomorrow, they end up watching horror movies on Yifan's laptop. The previews and opening music are enough to scare Yifan, and Joonmyun laughs as he throws an arm around Yifan's shoulder to pull him closer. 

Yixing had been the one to suggest the movie, claiming that he'd been waiting for months to watch it, but he's the first to fall asleep. Yifan looks away from the screen halfway through the movie when the screams start, and he finds Yixing under the blankets, his mouth a little open as he sleeps. 

Joonmyun notices as well, laughing softly and leaning forward to turn down the volume. "He was probably really tired, but he didn't want to sleep alone." 

Yifan understands, knowing that it can be scary to suddenly lose something you've had so long you'd never realized how precious it was. He turns the sound off completely and turns on the subtitles. It's a little less scary this way, since he can easily turn his head away and ignore the movie completely. 

"It's not fun like this," Joonmyun says. He ends up falling asleep soon after as well, head falling against Yifan's shoulder. 

Yifan stares at his laptop. The screen is displaying a dark corridor, and he can almost imagine the chilling music to go along with the scene. He decides that it isn't worthwhile, that there's no point in scaring himself when he could be sleeping peacefully. 

As gently as he can, Yifan eases Joonmyun backwards onto the bed. He gets up to turn off the light before making his way back to the bed. Joonmyun stirs as Yifan gets into bed, his hand finding Yifan's under the blankets, and Yifan holds onto it tightly as he closes his eyes. 

They drop off Yixing first early the following morning. It’s drizzling lightly, the skies still a faint gray color, and the line of cars behind them is almost endless.

Yixing turns after he’s taken his suitcase out of the back of the car. He’s wearing a cap pulled low, casting a shadow over his face, but Yifan can still see how his smile is wavering. “I’m going to miss this,” he says, his fingers tightening around the handle of his suitcase. “Even the screams.”

Yifan had almost expected the fans to be at the airport, but it’s oddly silent, everyone going about their own business without a second glance at them. This time, the three of them won’t be traveling together. It feels anticlimactic somehow, like all the years they’d spent together had only turned into this in the end.

Yixing drops his suitcase, hugging their manager tightly. “Take care of yourselves,” he tells Joonmyun and Yifan. “Stay alive so we can meet again.”

Yixing, Yifan knows, will probably continue pursuing a music career. He’d do pretty well as a soloist as well. His voice and his guitar skills have really improved over the years, and there aren’t many entertainment companies that wouldn’t want to sign Zhang Yixing under their name.

“What are you going to do when you get back?” Yifan asks, as Joonmyun takes his hand and they get back into the car. He doesn’t let go, not bothering to buckle his seatbelt as the car starts moving again. He’d remembered how Joonmyun’s hand feels in his long ago, how small and warm and soft it is, but he’s scared that he’ll wake up one day and forget the exact feeling.

“I don’t know.” Joonmyun draws little circles on the back of Yifan’s hand, his touch light, almost ticklish. “I’ve been in school over here for so long, and I don’t want to repeat another grade.” He laughs, looking out the window as they pull up outside the terminal for international flights. “At least I’ll have more free time now.”

Evening concerts, midnight practice sessions, weekend interviews—they’ve gotten used to how steadily busier their schedules had gotten, and now it’s like everything has just disappeared. They’d gotten a glimpse of the worst sides of fame too early through the scandals and harsh comments that had followed, but it hadn’t mattered so much, not when the three of them had been together. At an age when their peers had worried about their class rankings, they’d been worried about their ranks on music shows and charts.

Yifan walks into the airport with Joonmyun, only stopping when they reach the security checkpoint. Joonmyun looks up at him, his gaze oddly expectant, and Yifan swallows nervously. He isn’t wearing makeup, his hair falling soft and natural over his forehead, but his eyes are still as captivating as they had been the first time Yifan had seen Joonmyun, all those years ago.

“I wish I could fit you in my suitcase,” Joonmyun says, and Yifan laughs, startled. Joonmyun smiles, looking down at his suitcase and fidgeting with the handle. “Actually, no, I don’t.”

 There’s an announcement through the speakers, reminding them not to leave their baggage unattended. Yifan glances behind him. Their manager is sitting on a bench by the door, waiting for them to say their goodbyes. It feels too final, and Yifan can’t shake off the feeling that this might be his only chance.

“Hey,” Yifan says, and Joonmyun looks back up at him, his eyes wide and attentive. “I love you.” He stops himself before he can say anything else, before he can blurt out, Don’t go.

Yifan had imagined this many times before, had been about to confess so many times before. He’d thought it’d be one of the things that he’d tell Joonmyun naturally, while they were eating ramen one night or in the quiet breaks between their dance practices. He hadn’t planned on saying it now, and he’d never thought he’d be trembling this much, the shaky nervousness he used to feel before performances.

“I know.” Joonmyun smiles, watching as realization forms in Yifan’s eyes. “It’s not like I can’t understand Cantonese.”

Yifan freezes, unsure of how to react. There are so many things he wants to ask, so many things he wants to say, but he doesn’t have enough time. He still remembers—the things he’d said to Joonmyun before they’d debuted, the song he’d sung to Joonmyun that night—and he can’t help wondering if he’d been too early or too late all along.

Joonmyun brushes his fingers against the back of Yifan’s hand. It’s a familiar gesture, his way of telling Yifan, Don’t think too much about it. He takes a step back too soon, pulling away before Yifan can reach out and hold onto him. “I’ll text you,” Joonmyun promises, but it’s not enough, not compared to how close they’ve been living together for the past years.

Yifan smiles anyway, raising his hand in a wave as he watches Joonmyun walk away. He lets his arm fall back to his side, only turning away when Joonmyun is out of sight.